Canada the insignificant fart in a windstorm!

“Canada ?-- I don’t even know what street it’s on.”
— Gangster Al Capone in the 1930s
On this July 1, 2006 I want to take this opportunity to say that Canada is one of the most pathetic and insignificant pieces of shit with an exagerated idea of its own worth and importance in the world.

That saddest part is that it has no idea what an insignificant and irrelevent lot of nothing it is.

Take my opening comment for example. I’ll bet you that 90% of my American or other readers have no idea of the significance of this date without googling it. Be honest now! And why SHOULD you care?

Half the world thinks we are some sort of northern territory of the US (which is not far off the mark) and the other half thinks we are a British Colony that the Queeen of England runs from Buckingham Palace before breakfast.

Like some kind of small-town picuyune yokels we take great pride in the fact that John Candy, Dan Ackroyd, John Carey, Cirque du Soleil, Rich Little, Glen Ford, Mary Pickford, George Naismith (the inventor of Basketball), Keefer Sutherland, Celine Dion, Eric McCormack (of Will and Grace) Paul Anka, Ken Galbraith and countless others are or were Canadians. We do not see the irony that these people have left Canada and gone to the US to achieve success. Like small-town hicks who put up a big cut-out on the road into town of the only successful person ever to come out of their miserable berg , we gleefully say that these people are Canadians when in fact they have probably forgotten Canada even exists, are relieved to be out of it, and think it will be too soon if theu ever see it again.

If a US President of even CNN mentions us, even in passing, we gleefully run it in our newspapers as if were a news story by itself, like little kids delighted at getting some attention from grown-ups.

Bill Clinton came to Canada a few years ago. After extensive discussions, he and the Prime Minister held a news conference in Ottawa (gee why didn’t they hold it in Toronto, the capital of Canada, I can hear you asking). The American media present completely ignored the Canadian-US announcement and proceeded to ask about 500 questions about Monica Lewinsky and the shot-spots on their dress. Every now and then, the Canadian media cameras picked up a shot of an American with a puzzled look, staring out the window and thinking “Oh, I guess we’re in Canada. I thought there was lot of snow out there for Washington!”

Ask Canadians what the motto of the RCMP is and 99% will tell you it is “We get our man.” It is not and never has been. It is “Maintiens le droit” (uphold the (rule of) law). So why do Canadains universally think it is “We get our man?” Because some writer in Hollywood told them that in a movie. How pathetic can you get.? Our most famous institution and we let some writer sitting under a plam tree in Hollywood tell us what its motto is! Do you need any more proof we are a boil on the ass of America?

We have a movie industry but it is a laugh. 90% of what Canadians watch in a week is American movies. Ditto our TV.

We get insulted if people in America or Britain or Australia don’t know the difference between Ontario and Toronto. Or if they can’t name more than one Canadian City, or have no idea what the national Capital is. Well, wake up, you stunned Canucks! There is NO REASON they would need or want to know that. Any more than I need or want to know the name of the main street in a little village a short drive from the city I live in.

Wake up, Canda, recognize your own insignificance in the scheme of things, and maybe you will not be happier, but at least you will stop making fools of yourselves.

This will end well.

(BTW, do I get a prize if I know that July 1, 1867 is the day that the Canadian Confederation was formed?)

To the OP: shut up. Seriously. Shut up.

“Ooh! Ooh! look at me! I’m poor little Canada! I’m a virtual paradise and the world leaves me alone! Whatever shall I do?”

People are always talking about my country. You wanna trade places?

Admit it. It’s okay. You’re among friends.

You rolled up the rim and you didn’t win, right?

It happens to the best of us, you know.

Paradise has far better weather than Canada.

Everything’s relative. I could do with a few feet of snow right now. Just dump them on my head.

Now I’m confused. Isn’t there another thread wanting someone kicked out of Canada for insulting the country?

Not at all. Most of you live near your southern border, and most of you speak the same language that we do, so in many ways you might look like a 51st state, but it’s only a passing resemblence.

Be glad both countries look similar. You should see our other border.

If Bush figures out how much oil you have,. you will be.

I don’t go on rants about stuff like this, but I can see several of your points. I endured thirty-seven years of living below the poverty line there, unable to get lasting work of any kind. I was raised having been brainwashed by the Canadian media that the US was an ugly, violent place with roving gangs and junkies shooting up on the streets. It was falling apart and dangerous and filthy and Canada was so much better a place to be. Just look at the TV news in Buffalo - the place is always on fire! We’re Canadians, you know. We’re just better because of it. The Canadian entertainment industry, of which I tried my best to be a part, is a subsidiary of the Canadian Government. Look at the credits of any TV show or movie made there. Funding of some sort was provided by the government.

Then my opportunity to leave Canada came, and I took it. For awhile, based on my conditioning, I was afraid to go outside for fear of being mugged. Well, it hasn’t happened yet. Now I have just about everything a person could want. I have been working without pause since a couple of days after my work permit arrived. I live in a house in the suburbs, instead of in a rooming house with other people on welfare. I’ve known some truly wonderful people here, not the least of whom is my wife. Some of them recognized that I was worthy of their trust, and they gave me real responsibility. I’ve earned more money based on my skills and talents in the last eight years than I did in the previous forty.

What it boils down to is, I’m one more Canadian who had to get the hell out of there to make something of myself. People I used to know have cut me off because in their minds, I haven’t gone on to success, I came to support the Bush Circus Of Horrors. They can’t separate the citizenry from the government. The citizens of this country are not responsible for the ugliness happening in the world. They’re just folks. Living, working, having kids, not wanting any trouble. Regular folks. They’re a different kind of folks than I’m used to, and maybe that’s a good thing. America took me in and let me stay and make a new life. Whatever other faults America has, that is definitely not one of them.

As for Canada, I have no ties there anymore. I have no reason to go back. I have no desire to go back. I’m not going back.

Happy Canada Day.

They paved Paradise and put up a parking lot.

So get the fuck out already.

Am I the only one so far who thought the OP was hilarious?

This is good.

This is pretty good.

I like frozen Jews in the morning, too.

Well, no, that part is true. Buffalo is always on fire.

Nah, not recent enough. I think he’s pissed off that the Stanley Cup’s spending the year in #$@% NORTH CAROLINA.

A persons geographic location does not dictate their behavior, way of thinking, or ideals or anything about them for that matter.

Your post was both pointless and hateful. You are clearly an idiot.


Remember, it was won by the team that plays its home games in the RBC Center, and yes, that does stand for “Royal Bank of Canada.”

Canada is to America as Scotland is to England or New Zealand is to Australia.

Little brothers feel little and left out sometimes. We take great pride in stupid crap (Lord of the Rings!).

Little brother syndrome is alive and well and exists for a reason…little brothers spy on them and shout when the big brother gets too ‘special’ :smiley:

Hey Velteron, take a look at this.Warning: Your head may explode.

Please read my OP a little more closely before you tell me how nice Canada is or to get the fuck out if I don’t like it. I never said I was not happy here. I have a well-into-six figures family income, a country home, a luxury condo in the city, an SUV, free health and dental care, prescription plan, and a free and democratic country.

The UN consistently judges Canada one of the top 5 best countries to live in, and always ahead of the US (no insult intended to the US).

What I said is that Canada THINKS it is important whereas it is, in world terms, a little fart that nobody notices in a big hurricane . We are like a small town arguing about the location of the first MacDonald’s or Burger King in their municipality, and getting so wrappped up in themseles that they think the rest of the country gives sweet fuck all what they think or where they put the friggin’ burger king.

Canada is insignificant. But even insignificant countries can be nice places to live.

And yes, the poster was right who said that today, July 1, is Canada Day, our national birthday. You win the first prize, which is one week of watching the CPAC Parliamentary Channel on Satellite. Second prize is two weeks of watching it.