So, I was watching this video on YouTube in which the singer claims that you can’t hug every cat. It got me thinking…COULD she hug them all? If she spent her whole life just going around hugging cats, and with local, state or even UN assistance is it theoretically possible for her to hug every cat? Let’s say she started when she was 2 years old, walking the earth like Kane (at least until a UN car pulled up to take her to the air port for her next hugging engagement), and that she could live until she was 120. An army of support staff would keep her fed, clothed and her hair styled, assist her in going from city to city, town to town.
Behind the scene and unbeknownst to her, there would be a series of hit squads to kill all of the homeless cats, or, if that’s too harsh, to find them all homes AND little ties and rainbows.
I googled and found a statistic from something called the International Federation for Animal Health Europe claiming that there are 220 million domestic cats in the world. So, if you figure 220 million at five seconds a hug, then you get some math that I got bored in the middle of doing.
Over the course of a hundred years, that works out to approximately 6000 cats a day. If you hug cats for fifteen hours a day, that’s 400 cats per hour or one cat every nine seconds.
So you’d have to be really dedicated and organized but it would be within the realm of physically possible.
Well, yeah, but only if you ignore the problem that towards the end of the 100 years, a lot of the cats you started with will have died and been replaced by different cats.
Define “every cat”. As others have pointed out, cats are constantly dying and being born.
Does “every cat” mean every cat that is alive at the moment you begin this task? If so, then most will die unhugged.
Does it mean that you continue hugging until there are no living unhugged cats left on the planet? If so, I’m pretty sure that the birth rate will far outstrip your efforts and you’ll be hugging for your whole life without ever reaching your goal.
OK, what if you decide to ignore the currently living cats and only try to keep up with the birth rate to hug all newborn cats? Assuming a constant cat population of 220 million, an average cat life span of 15 years, and… damn, I forgot that I suck at math. How many new cats are born every day?
Well, unhugged by you in particular. Presumably, they’re getting hugs all day long from their respective humans. I’m pretty sure that the cats are cool with that.
Similarly, most women on the planet will go their whole lives unkissed *by me. *Of course, I find this to be a great tragedy. Somehow, though, the women seem surprisingly OK with it.
Which raises another point: how does one gain access to the cats? Knock on doors? Call ahead? Facebook? “I will be in the Pittsburgh area on the week of March 12 for cat-hugging, please call my secretary to arrange a time and place.”
I assume if some people are recalcitrant and refuse to allow their cats to be hugged, breaking and entering and hugging must be resorted to?
Obviously you’re not going to be able to hug every cat that’s ever lived. Millions of them had already died long before this song was written.
I’d say a reasonable definition would be to have hugged every cat that’s currently alive. A big backlog to get you started but if you keep at it, you’ll eventually catch up and will only have to hug newborn kittens to stay on top of the situation.
I hereby volunteer to hug all the newborn kittens in the Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex. Just to take some of the pressure off, you understand. Normally I don’t go into Dallas county, but I figure that kitten hugging is something that NEEDS to be done.
