So I’m going to be twenty nine next month. (The 25th, if you want to send me a big gift)
I have always dreaded shopping for clothes because I do not (surprise surprise) have the body of an Express Mannequin. Shocking, I know.
But today I discovered something amazing, and follow me here. Clothes really do look better…if you wear the size that the good Lord intended you to wear. Why have I spent so much time cramming myself into a medium when I should wear a large? Why am I trying to put on size 9 jeans when I so clearly need an 11 to breathe?
So today, I put on a skirt and a shirt in the CORRECT sizes and by god, what do you know…it actually looks nice.
Sadly Ginger, it is a realization we must all come to on our own…and thank god I did, or that fabulous brown leather skirt would still be hanging on the rack at Rampage.
If I can get a word in amongst all this whacking off…Ginger, all I can say is that I hope your sister realizes it. Because I spent so much time sucking in my stomach or flexing my arm muscles constantly so they don’t sag or wearing super tight stockings UNDER PANTS so my legs looked thinner, and I was so uncomfortable, and WHY? Why was I doing that? I think I actually thought people were looking at me going “oops, there goes a size 12 or a size 10 or whatever”
I’m more comfortable, and the clothes are DESIGNED to fit MY SIZE…that is the point of having sizes. It took me this fucking long to figure it out.
Amen to that. I love wimmens of all shapes and sizes, but if there’s one thing that turns me off its seeing someone wear clothes too small for them.[sup]*[/sup] In some instances it just looks uncomfortable, in others you get these weird mogul fields of flesh. Be comfortable fer cryin out loud. You feel better and it shows in your attitude.
(tee-hee, she said UNDER PANTS)
*[sub]Disclaimer: Pete is not trying to say that women ought to dress just to turn him on. It would be nice, but not a requirement.[/sub]
I had the same bitchslap a couple of weeks ago. I finally bought a pair of jeans that don’t require me to lie down to zip them up. Among the benefits:
[ul]
[li]Blood is now able to flow freely to my feet and lower legs, thus reducing the risk of amputation. Pink toes are more attractive than blue ones, too.[/li][li]If I find a quarter on the street, I can bend over and pick it up, instead of kicking it all the way home.[/li][li]My thighs no longer have that weird horizontal crease that comes with either too-tight jeans or high-density sausage casings.[/li][li]When I sit down or get back up, you don’t hear the little grunt that was formerly caused by my innards being sqished.[/li][li]I don’t have the little dent from the backside of the button making a permanent second navel anymore.[/li][/ul]
I’m sure nobody knows the answer to this, but what the hell was I thinking all that time?
I just had an epifany, well a good idea anyway. Size Eight clothing company. people seem to like wearing the name emblazened on their clothing. No matter what size fits you can always say “I wear Size Eight”
When I finally gave in and lost the over-tight jeans, I also stop getting the recurrent yeast infections. Better airflow, I guess. A lovely non-itchy 5 years it’s been.
Ya know that White Elephant Exchange thinksnow is running? Maybe he could set up an Underpants Exchange. Same deal, you sign up and get a partner. Then you have to send them underwear. (Not an exchange of underwear you already have, but that could work too…)
Underwear in the mail. What could make you happier?
-Rue.
