“… falls short of providing understanding of extreme abuse or how he made his journey from ‘Victim to Victor.’”
Had you read and understood the book, you would know both that it wasn’t intended to provide understanding of extreme abuse (how do you understand someone who has no discernible pattern?) and that it isn’t intended to, and in fact CANNOT, detail that journey from victim to victor. He wasn’t home-free at 12. He wasn’t homefree at 10, when he was being starved by his mother. He wasn’t homefree when he was forced to eat shit the dogs wouldn’t touch. He wasn’t homefree when he was being poisoned with ammonia in a locked bathroom with no vent and started puking up blood (if I remember this particular incident correctly).
Tell us the truth, now. Did you read this, or did you skim it?
“It takes some work to get past the poor writing and the self-aggrandizing back matter…”
Poor writing? Yeah, baby. “A New York Times Best Seller for over 3 years, a # 1 International Best Seller and nominated for the Pulitzer Prize, …” link. Oh, yeah, that’s some poor writing there.
And as for self-aggrandizing back matter…you know what? You suffer the shit he went through at the hands of his own mother. You go through life without a loving family (or, really, much of a family at all). You get poisoned, stabbed, almost drowned by the woman who is supposed to protect you with her life.
Then you come back with that ‘self-aggrandizing’ line.
I have read a “Child Called It” and all of the sequels. While I agree with your statements and I more than understand abuse and neglect, I feel that the reviewer is stating the facts.
The first of the series (the bestselling, of course, what loon would want to read further - besides me) gave no background on where the abuse stemmed from or what he did to overcome the abuse. Besides making a million off a book deal. There was the obvious mental illness of his mother, but why did she do these horrible things to him. Why did the father, a seemingly sensible man, allow it to occur? He also gave no real insight to how he overcame this abuse. No advice for others in the same situation.
The second in the series, jumped to Mr. Pelzer married with children and how he handles both. I was frankly disappointed by the book(s).
Reading “A Child Called It”, I was appalled, I cried, I was angry all over again. However, after all was said and done, I doubted the validity of his situation and frankly it was ‘self-aggrandizing’.
I remember reading the first book in the series some time ago, and might have read the second. How anyone could suffer that abuse at the hands of their own mother is indeed horrifying, and it certainly made me think. Who could do this to their own flesh and blood? Obviously nobody but the most depraved sociopath who doesn’t care about the effects on her child, if indeed she believes there to be any. (mental illness aside)
Doubting the validity of the situation only serves to further the conspiracy of silence surrounding abuse. I thankfully know nothing about this kind of severe abuse, but as detailed in another thread quite some time ago, I do indeed know something about being abused. There are cases in which people point fingers at abusers, only to have those allegations ripped to shreds by investigation; I’m not denying that. But I don’t think that, in this case, doubting the situation is justified. No, I do not believe everything I hear and read, either. (nothing personal, im2evil4u )
Though I do remember that the father seemed helpless against the mother in the books, I no longer remember if David Pelzer recounted how he tried to heal after the abuse, or what his other family members did about it. However, I do remember feeling sad, very angry, and just paralyzed by the events described within.
Interestingly enough, I saw David Pelzer interviewed on Oprah a couple of weeks ago. He seems quite convinced that the abuse was not about him; that any child in the family could have become the target.
I haven’t read the book, but he certainly doesn’t come across as self-aggrandizing when interviewed - perhaps whoever edited the book (was it written in conjunction with someone else?) is responsible for that impression.
Strange, because the back of the first book, as I recall, talks about the alcoholism and other plaguing problems the mother has to deal with (NOT an excuse, just some offered ideas for where things got started). And Pelzer makes it very clear that it was nigh impossible for him to ever figure out what she wanted from him. If he did what he thought she wanted, she’d just up and change what she wanted, if indeed she wanted more than to fuck with his mind.
And of course the first book wouldn’t talk about what he does to overcome the abuse. That doesn’t come until the second and third books … and to an extent, every day of his life. Hell, I had a cakewalk of a childhood compared to his life and I deal with the shit I was dealt every day … sometimes as if it’s still happening to me. And I’m years … in some cases, a decade removed from some of it.
If it helped him to get through his experiences by gaining some financial footing (which I rather suspect he didn’t keep all of … charities and foster care and such places being rather deserving places to give the money, in his eyes, from what I have read) … then so be it. It certainly doesn’t seem as if he wrote the book for financial gain else there’d be more than three … if anything, the third book, which covers 22 years, could have been further split up so as to sell more books.
That’s the point, though, I think … HE doesn’t know. How CAN WE KNOW? Had he known, he would have had a better shot at, if nothing else, doing what she wanted.
From what I have read, he didn’t think he could stop it, and he was a very passive man. There is a point, I believe in the first book, where he does challenge her … and David, then a boy, somehow gets up the courage to walk away from yet another beating (he at first wants to move and can’t, and then finds his legs moving seemingly independent of instruction from him). And that’s another issue I have with reviewers (if I’m remembering correctly): they forget that one stand David’s father made.
It is my understanding that he starts to do this in the second book and much more in the third. It’s a trilogy (the books stand alone and together at the same time, or so says the website, and I frankly have no problem accepting that idea). You’re not going to get the happy ending until the end.
Perhaps you’re thinking of the third, which focuses on his life from age 18-40? I was under the impression from the website that has reviews/summaries of the books that the second book deals with his times in foster homes and with his mother still fucking with his life as much as she could.
Well, I tell you … it is the third worst case of child abuse/neglect in California, from what I remember being told when I first encountered it. And on the one hand we have the experiences of the man himself, and on the other hand we have you doubting his experiences.
I’ve seen this shit. I know the kind of character it takes to get through this. And very often repression can block memories like those. There are things that happened to me in grade school (some of which I’ve posted about, even) that I don’t remember because I’ve repressed the memories. Only reason I know is that my father told me about them because evidently I’d forgotten.
This is what he remembers. As a child. Is it possible that the dichotomy of how his life is now is affecting his memories of childhood? Absolutely. Is it possible that he’s trying to paint as detailed and accurate a picture of those horrible experiences as possible? I dearly hope so (except for the pain it must have brought him to write them down). I wrote a post yesterday (technically yesterday … it was no more than five or so hours ago) that was so intense I had to stop and go and cry for a while, and even after I was done and had said everything, I had to go off and have a friend comfort me. And I was just recalling things that had happened to relatives … some of whom I’m no closer to than I am to your average doper (whom I may or may not have met). I’ve seen the letters my father’s siblings have written about their experiences of rape, of abuse, of … things being inside them that should not be in a person…
They are necessarily strong. They are very strong. It can be very difficult to identify with something with which one was not previously familiar. Sometimes in order to get someone to where you were, how you were feeling, that sort of thing, you have to paint as strong a picture as you can manage. And yes, sometimes that does mean exaggeration. It is a tool that, used properly, places the reader exactly where you were.
But is any of that book self-aggrandizement?
IMO, and I’m pretty sure Belzer would agree with me on this one, it is nothing close. It is the truth. And quite frankly (again, IMO), it is nobody’s call here to make to say that he is exaggerating. Unless you were involved in the case or you have some insight into Belzer’s credibility, I don’t think you have any reason to doubt his credibility or how he recalls his experiences.
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It is my understanding that he starts to do this in the second book and much more in the third. It’s a trilogy (the books stand alone and together at the same time, or so says the website, and I frankly have no problem accepting that idea). You’re not going to get the happy ending until the end.
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Strange, so based on this statement I assume you haven’t read the second or the third.
To this I say, there is no happy ending, nor did I expect one.
This treatment of a infant/child is appalling and the mother deserves to have her uterus ripped out with a fork lift so we can watch her die on live television.
My point was, it was not a “self help book” as it was marketed, on Montel, Oprah or on the net. I found it in the 300’s (along with Helter Skelter and the bio of the Zodiac Killer, for example) verses the 100’s.
That is what I find self aggrandizing.
And what exactly did he do with the money from the book deal, BTW. Are there any Pelzer foundations I can donate my piddlings to? Can I offer my services to assist those in the same situation via Mr. Dave and his great cause? If so let me know. I will.
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