Carpe Diem, baby!! (gulp)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

All right, I’m a philosophical guy, and I give a lot of thought to values and the way a life ought to be lived. But above all, I’ve got an intense fascination/obsession with the idea of courage. After countless hours of mental deliberation at work/school/home/lying in bed at 3AM, I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no trait I’d rather have… and long ago I began attempting to live my life in as gung ho a manner as possible. Carpe diem has been my war cry, and I’ve tried to be as courageous in my actions as possible.

That old quote about what a tragedy it is to ‘lose the plum for want of the courage to shake the tree’ has always resonated quite strongly with me. In fact, on my birthday this year I’m gonna get a tattoo on my left tricep of the chinese character for courage… it’s the only thing I could imagine being of timeless significance to me.

So now that I’ve established all this, I have a confession to make. I’m not very brave at all. The only thing all my thoughts have produced is the ability to recognize what the “courageous” choice in a situation would be… see, I’m still not doing very well with my follow through. (Follow through? Am I trying to cure a golf swing here?)

Shit, I might as well get down to brass tacks. It’s women, okay? You twisted it out of me. The area of my life where I seem least able to face my fear and do it anyway is with the fairer sex. This has really been giving me trouble recently, because it’s so incongruous with my core beliefs.

In other words, I win the record for “most courage, least self-confidence”. The trophy looks like a guy about to eat a huge glop of wasabe. I feel kind of dumb ranting about this, but I enjoy the viewpoints of the people on this message board so much I thought I’d throw this out there.

Okay, to be more specific… there’s a number of women in my life I’m interested in. Some more than others, of course, and I find that while I can easily score dates and stuff with the ones I’m somewhat interested in, the few… I mean, the one or two… oh, for the love of… fine. The one girl I’m the most interested in, I can’t seem to ask out. Barring my career, the one thing that most enthralls me in this world is out of reach because I’m scared of what it could mean if she rejects me.

I’m not scared of the rejection, I’m scared of my bubble popping. Up until now, I’ve been lucky. Most every situation where fear bit me and I bit back, I won. I got that cute girl at the coffee shop to give me her number. I moved away from the only city I’ve ever lived in. I decided to make art my career. I’ve allowed myself to engage in long, meaningful relationships with other women. But what if this girl shoots me down? In the long run, am I most devastated by the loss of this specific girl? Probably not. I think I’d mourn the death of my philosophy. I’m afraid I’ll find that courage isn’t a fifth ace, it’s just remembering which cards have been dealt and betting high. Unfortunately, the point of this whole rant is that I’m scared to death of a high-stakes table.

I’m not exactly sure what the point of posting this was. I guess I’m looking for words of wisdom, encouragement, a slap in the face, a philosophical discussion, or a heartfelt “Good luck with allll THAT!”

But anyway, if anyone has something to share on this topic or regarding my confused situation, feel free to post something. I think I don’t have enough hours of sleep under my belt to write any more at the moment :wink:

2

I say life is short, buddy, so go for it! & good luck. :cool:

3

Perhaps all these other experiences have been getting you ready for this one – all this courage training has been to give you the tools and experience to go for it now.

Good luck.

4

Been there, done that, dude. Hell, if you ever meet a guy who claims there’s never been a woman he was afraid to approach, he’s a liar. (Or psychotic. Keep your sister away from him. ;))

We tend to build elaborate fantasies about people we’re attracted to, and with whom we have some contact, but not enough to really know them. “Could this be The One&trade? And, if I blow my one chance, will I be lonely and heartbroken, forever?” Well, IMHO, the answer is no (again, unless you’re psychotic). Humans are self-repairing; one of the few good design features built in. No matter how badly it hurts, at first, it will heal (unless…well, you know). The irony of it is that, of the people I’ve known who have been in that situation and somehow managed to forge ahead, only to be shot down in flames, none of them were as devastated as they initially believed they would be.

It could be that the pride of having taken the risk, or the satisfaction of having answered the “what if” question, cushions the blow, to some extent. But, my suspicion is that, deep in the murky recesses of their minds, shoved into a corner and held their at knife point, a little part of them has been screaming a warning, all along. Not a warning about being crushed by rejection; a warning about being wrong about the object of affection. A warning like “Remember what she said about…” or “Remember that she <does something that makes the hair on the back of your neck stand on end>”, and which the fantasy building part of the mind forcefully ignores, because it doesn’t fit the fantasy.

This may not be true, in your case. But, it sounds like you have no problem overcoming your fears when you truly believe they’re unjustified. Perhaps you have reason to believe the fantasy is just that, a fantasy, and are suppressing it. More likely, you’ve built this lady into a goddess, in your mind; a flawless, unapproachable creature.

If that’s the case, instead of berating yourself for lacking courage, I’d suggest you try an oblique approach, rather than the frontal assault. Attacking an impregnable position is not brave; it’s foolish. Figure out a way to get to know her, as a person, rather than a fantasy. Become her friend. When you can see her as a normal, though probably still highly desirable, person, you’ll be in a position to sound out her feelings on the question of becoming more than friends.

5

Well… you should remember that there can’t be courage without fear. Courage is knowing that you are afraid, but doing it anyway. If you weren’t afraid of going for the girl, that’d make you fearless, but not courageous. Anybody can do things that they’re not afraid of. On the other hand, doing something despite being truly scared to death of it… that’s what makes one brave.

Courage was never about letting you win. It’s about being able to do what you do even though you know full-well that you can lose. The more afraid you are, the braver you are…

With that said, of course, I think everyone eventually loses. Nobody (well, nobody that I know of, anyway) has good things happen ALL through their life. Maybe you should accept the fact that, eventually, something bad is going to happen to you. Maybe it won’t happen with the girl, maybe it will… but if it does go badly, just remember that it was bound to happen sooner or later, and choosing to take the risk despite that knowledge makes you that much more courageous.

But… good luck :slight_smile:

6

Err… sorry, that should read, “And… good luck”, not “But…”.