As a man I am supposed to be understanding and a gentleman if and when a woman that I have a relationship with tells me no to sex.
But, over the years, I have found that many women can become very upset if I reject their sexual advances. I have seen pouting, anger, getting up and walking away, and much more. Sometimes I am too tired, or I am simply not interested in the woman that way. The womans anger can last for several days.
I try to be polite and explain why I feel as I do. But, why is it that many women simply cannot handle sexual rejection ?
Sure, maybe it is a blow to their ego, and I do not like rejection either, but I do try to be nice about it.
Recently, (in the last month) A woman has expressed interest in me. Ended up going to a friends house after a show and got into a frank conversation about relationships after I was not receptive to her advances. You see, I like her alot, nice person and genuine but, I am in no position to start a relationship and refuse to engage in sex without first making it clear that I can not and will not allow the relationship to advance. My exact words “if you become emotionally invested in me, I will hurt you”.
Since then, I feel as though I have become some kind of emottional mountain for her to conquer. It is a challenge to her. I refuse to hurt this woman no matter how badly she wants it. Too old for those games.
:rolleyes: Crazy ass psycho chics…
Biologically, I guess it probably has something to do with the simple fact that men are hornier than women… they reach a sexual readiness height every few days, whereas women have long fluctuations.
It ain’t her, it’s her hormones.
Just like how your hormones make you want to scratch yourself, fart, and eat disgusting junk food while watching TV with your chaps. I think it’s a fair trade.
Heh, I can remember once when I was having a few people over for a get together.
Well this one girl who apparently liked me got there a little early. So it was just me and her for a while. We had both been drinking so this might have had a little to do with it; but all of the sudden, out of the blue, she just jumps at me and starts trying to kiss me. I immediately had to push her away and say “No, I wasn’t intrested.” she then started with bawling. Then I had to console her and tell her it wasn’t that big of a deal (she kept crying anyway).
Here’s where the irony comes in. As I was trying to console her a few more of my friends arrived. Now it’s important to know I have an “open door” policy at my apartment which means my friends are welcome to just walk in with out knocking. Anyway, as I was consoling her some of my friends walk in the door. One of these friends was a girl I had been trying to “hook up” with. After she walks in the girl that I like sees the other girl crying, she immediately goes over to her asking “whats wrong sweetie? ;let’s go in the other room so we can talk.” She then took her by the hand and carted her off into the other room all the while giving me this scornfull look the would make Adolf Hittler himself turn over in his grave.
FTR, I never got that girl I liked because apparently I’m just a big unfeeling asshole for turning down some girls drunken advances. However, in defence of all peoples involved it was quite some time ago and we we’re all realitively young. (early 20’s)
Maybe it as simple as the way we are socialised. Females are told not to do the chasing. To do so is not seemly or feminine. Men are told to do the chasing and are told that rejection will happen.
If a female chooses to do the chasing (as many do and should…I’m no raving traditionalist) and are rejected it may feel worse because they flaunted societies “rules” and still didn’t win.
It’s just a theory! 
Remember, too, that you are not the Universal Behavoir of How Men Behave. Just because you accept rejection stoicly doesn’t mean that all men do–many men and women do not, and we call all of them either “immature” of “bullies” depending on the nature of their hissy fit.
I think Calm Kiwi has a good point. Men are traditinally the agressor and have to learn to deal with being told NO. Women are not. Also, men are traditionally supposed to be tough and stoic. Getting upset at rejection is considered sort of wimpy, so we don’t show it as often. “Your Loss, Babe!” is a typical guy response. Imagine if a guy broke down and cried at a bar when a lady told him she’s not interested. People would think he was a real bag of “issues.” Women are not under the same restriction on their reactions.
In my experience, men behave in a similar way when they feel rejected. It seems that many people in general can’t handle rejection - it’s not a gender-specific thing.
I agree. I think this is less how men and women react/feel to getting rejected, and more about how socially acceptable it is for them to behave that way. Perhaps we cut women a little more slack for acting emotional, if anything, it works in their favor because it will attract other prospects for the woman, but if a man starts bawling, its not going to be seen as terribly attractive in the eyes of other women (there are exceptions to both, of course).
This is a myff.
It depends on the man and the woman, the age and about a million things.
I know that my ex definitely couldn’t keep up with me. 
I refuse to say anything about my current, except…well…
I’m still with him, ain’t I?
Well, the women described in the OP are real jerks, but women don’t exactly have a monopoly on not accepting rejection gracefully. Have you not seen the threads that keep popping up in the Pit about those bitches who have the nerve to want to be friends but not have sex? You think those aren’t big pouting fits? Please. And let’s not even get into issues like date rape, etc.
At any rate, I think calm kiwi has a point about socialization being a big part of it. In case you might not have noticed, there tends to be something of a stereotype about guys, especially young guys, being constantly horny. And our experiences during our sexually formative years (the teens and early twenties) tends to bear this out. We get the idea that unattached (and sometimes attached) guys will leap at the chance to do anybody with the appropriate bits, unless that person is really, really ass-ugly. All reasonably non-fugly chicks gotta do it show up and say yes. If you have to chase the dick, that’s bad. If you chase the dick and can’t catch it, that’s absolute unmitigated disaster. It means you’re one of the fugly chicks, which means you’re an object of pity, ridicule, and scorn from men and women alike.
Of course, this mindset is just a mess waiting to happen. No matter what you look like, you’re going to get turned down sooner or later. If you equate being turned down with being fugly and all the associated fallout, you’re going to be devestated when that happens. I think the women described in the OP are still in that high school frame of mind, and they sulk, cry, etc, because they don’t want to be one of the fugly chicks.
Even women who know this is bullshit still suffer from it on occasion. Dr.J is somewhat prone to “I’d do her, she’s hot” kind of comments about people at work, people we see out, etc. When he then doesn’t want to do me, the fairly obvious implication is that I’m not hot. That I’m, well, one of the fugly chicks. It can be more than a bit disconcerting. Yes, I know it’s a load of shit, and that is absolutely not what he means. But still. Hey, I never claimed to be irrational from time to time.
Er, I never claimed not to be irrational from time to time.
After years of study I have concluded that it is people who are the problem.
CrazyCatLady,
I agree with you about the “You must be really ugly for a guy to reject you” (mis)percecption. I had a roomie in college who was utterly mystified that I wouldn’t hit on an attractive friend of mine. When I told him she wasn’t that kind of friend all I got from him was the deer in the headlights look. Granted, this guy was a pig Par Excellence, but I’ve seen it to a lesser degree in other men. So I guess women who have seen this attitude or dated these kind of men might take a rejection as an opinion on their looks.
I was in a relationship with a woman who held her sexuality as the trump card. She believed that sex was her power over men and she could use it as a currency. When I didn’t buy-in to this ideology she freaked out.
I second everything CrazyCatLady said.
Women are programmed to not have to chase men. We are the hunted, not the hunters (for lack of a better analogy). So, it takes more guts and a bit of pride swallowing for a woman to finally really hit on a man. It usually only happens after the man has habitually ignored all of the woman’s more subtle hints. She’s pretty much got to really want it for her to actually make the first move (I realize there, are of course, many exceptions to the rule. I’m only speaking from my own and other’s experiences). Couple that with the fact that single men are traditonally viewed as “willing to do anything that’s not butt ugly that shows interest” , rejection from a man who you’ve just hit on is far more wounding to a female ego than a male ego. I think woman are just more prone to take it really, really personally than men are.
That’s probably why in 26 years I’ve never once asked a man out. The fear of rejection is paralyzing. There’s been a couple of times where I’ve strongly hinted and thankfully, it was made obvious that those hints were being ignored purposefully. That’s much more bearable, as you can then pretend like nothing happened, it was all in the man’s head. Much more bearable than full-out rejection.
You may not like it (hell, I don’t like it) and it doesn’t make a whole lot of logical sense, but there it is, IMHO.
I think women react that way because most women don’t face rejection all that often. Guys are usually pretty willing if the woman is hot enough. If he says no, that would piss her off because she’s used to having it easy.
I’m not much into doing the chasing, but there’s a guy around Indy who I always had this big crush on. He’s just the sweetest, mild-mannered, talented, Renaissance man I’ve ever met. He’s not the greatest looking, but let me tell ya, women swoon over him. One night I was kinda drunk, so I thought I’d take my chances. He didn’t really give me the time of day. He was polite, but that was about it. I didn’t get mad, but I did kinda think, “Who does he think he is?” Yeah, i’m an egomaniac.
Later I found out just who he was and that I was not the only woman he had “rejected” in our little social network. I didn’t feel so bad once I found out he is impervious to the siren song.
Well that’s basically it. For a lot of women, even if they don’t know it, they feel their “worth” is based on how pretty they are or their ability to use sex to influence a man. I think that psychologically, women’s sense of self worth is based more on what other people think vs men who base their self worth on their ability to achieve at things (sports, business, whatever). Look, no man ever broke down and started blubbering because you called him “fat”.
I learned around senior year in high school that the best way to get with a girl is to 1) get her to notice you and then 2) act disinterested.
gay
Haha, I wish I could blame it on that. He actually has had a lovely girlfriend for a few years now.
Trust me, women don’t have a corner on that market, either.