Why are men more willing than women to have sex with someone they actively dislike?

In My Humble Opinion
1

OP got eaten; let’s try this again! (I had the forethought to write it in Word first.)

OK, before I go up in a wisp of smoke from all the flames, please allow me to elaborate. I have taken an extensive, although admittedly highly unscientific, survey over the past several years of my friends and acquaintances of both genders and various preferences. My general impressions, confirmed by the survey respondents, are that although men are somewhat more likely than women to be open to the idea of casual sex, they are much more likely than women to be open to the idea of having sex with someone whom they actively dislike (as opposed to someone who they aren’t romantically involved with, but about whom they generally have positive feelings, or at least no negative ones).

Female respondents were generally open to the idea of casual sex, if not for themselves, than at least for others, provided certain stipulations were met (such as participants not being otherwise romantically committed, that precautions are taken against STDs and pregnancy, and that both parties understand the nature of the hookup). Without exception, though, they were totally repulsed by the idea of having sex with someone whom they actively disliked, no matter how physically attractive the person was in objective terms. Apparently, for women there has to be at least some level of psycho/emotional attraction. It’s not that they think such a casual hookup would be immoral; they just can’t understand why anyone would want to do it.

Male respondents, however (and my male friends are generally a pretty upstanding and moral bunch, otherwise they wouldn’t be my friends!), even if they would never do it themselves, also agreed with my hypothesis generally. Some, including one friend who is very selective about who he dates and didn’t lose his own virginity until the age of 28, agreed, adding such comments as “well, of course, in an alternative dimension where there would be no potential consequences, of course we’d do it! But this is Earth, and no matter how careful you are, there are always consequences, even if they are simply hurting someone’s feelings.”

So do you agree with my hypothesis? Why or why not? Does this reflect some deeper truths about the differences between the sexes? If so, is it nature or nurture?

2

Ah, another missing OP.

Speaking for myself, I have found that I associate emotion with sex. If I don’t like someone, they certainly don’t turn me on. Why on earth would I want to have sex with someone I actively dislike? I’m not a one-night-stand type of girl either…if I sleep with someone, that means that there’s something more to the relationship than just the physical aspect.

Maybe (some) men disassociate sex and emotion. Guys?

3

I could not sustain an erection for someone I did not have at least some genuine positive feeling for, let alone someone I actively disliked. Sorry if this is not in keeping with the raised tone of the board.

4

[war of the roses]
Have you ever had angry sex?
Is there any other kind?
[/war of the roses]

Have you eve said ‘Fuck you!’ in anger? What did you mean by that?
I think there may be some deep motivating factors but, yeah if there was someone extremely physically attractive, who for some strange reason wanted me and there were no strings etc etc bla bla bla… Hell yes I’d do her and I think a good percentage of guys would.

Why would I? Well there is the fact that I like sex. My dislike of her would have to be not that strong. I mean if I really hated her then no but if I just generally disliked her then no problem.
I think it may a nurture thing. I think guys at a young age have drilled into them the importance of have sex. Any sex. Sex with a girl is far betten then no sex. But AFAIK girls have the importance of Mr. Right drilled into them. (huh huh – he said drilled)

5

It’s mostly an issue of submission. The act of sex isn’t normally an act of submission for a man, so trust doesn’t have to be a component. A woman who doesn’t like a man isn’t likely to submit to him. If a man is physically attracted to a woman but can’t stand her personality, a sex act between them would be either simply an opportunity to actually have sex (guys never say no, right? :slight_smile: ), or an opportunity to exert some sort of dominance or control over the woman. Witness the following phrases:

“she just needs a good, hard f–k”
“my c–k will shut her up”
“at least I f–ked her”
“grudge f–k”

6

Two old axioms come to mind:

  1. Women will have sex with whomever they want to, men will have sex with whomever will let them;

  2. Women need a reason to have sex, men only need a place.

It has been my personal observation that men typically tend to be less selective in their sexual partners than women are. I personally think there are inherent biological reasons for the behaviour dating back to the hunter-gatherer days when dominant males wanted to breed as extensively as possible to pass on their genetic makeup. Women, because they historically invested much more time and effort in raising the resulting offspring, would naturally be more selective in who they mated with. Fortunately for society, I think most people have risen above such natural tendencies but there will always be throw-backs.

7

Interesting.

Have any of you ever heard the saying “Sex is like pizza: even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good”? I don’t agree. For me, there is nothing better than good sex, but bad sex is about the worst thing there is. I’d rather eat the worst pizza in the world than have bad sex.

This is all assuming we’re talking about intercourse. I wouldn’t mind fooling around a little bit with a woman I didn’t particularly care for if she were very physically beautiful, but to take it as far as intercourse, I don’t know, the idea just depresses me for some reason. I feel like the best part of the sexual experience, the bonding, the building, etc. would be missing, which makes for a disappointing experience overall. I thought there was something wrong with me for a long time, but I’ve just about come to accept that this is me, love it or leave it. YMMV and all that.

8

Many males who are attracted to females grew up not liking girls very much, and for some of them this did not change with the advent of sexual attraction. (Go listen to men talk about women when they think women can’t hear–listen to the tone of voice, presence/absence of contempt, etc.)

9

Wow. Angry Hunter? I think you’re painting with a rather wide brush, Male banter tends to lean towards the negative, have you heard them talk about eachother when they think women can’t hear?

10

I can think of at least two men I’ve actively disliked that I’ve had sex with anyway - because my distaste for their personality was not strong enough to overcome my physical attraction to them.

I’m not really surprised if that puts me in a very small minority. But that minority does exist.

11

I wouldn’t be suprised if this was true.

I had sex with one man who I actively disliked (but who happened to be gorgeous) and I think I did it in an attempt to gain the upper hand, or at least level the playing field. He was absolutely shocked that I still disliked him after the fact, wouldn’t have another go at him and, in fact, wanted nothing more to do with him at all.

I don’t feel very good about myself for doing that although it was great fun at the time.

12

Men tend to be better than women at compartmentalization, so they can more easily separate the physical impulse from the emotions–“I’m gettin’ laid, who cares if I like her?” Of course this is not true for everyone, but my fella agrees that it is generally true.

13

A friend of mine who was horribly harassed in high school explained it like this. He wanted to nail some of the bitches that were so hard on him and basically just have them all hot and sweaty and panting and out of control, not because he particularly wanted to nail them, though. I think for him it was more of a “proving” thing – “see how wrong you were about me” typa thing or “haha I’m the best you’ll ever had and you hated me all these years.”

Something like that, anyway.

14

This reminds me of the threads I made early this year (lost forever in the Great Thread Massacre), in which I asked “How does the rapist get an erection?” People tried to explain but when I still didn’t understand and kept asking for more explanation, everybody got really pissed off at me. (I never really got the question answered so that I could understand, but even the mods were getting pissed off and ordering me not to ask about it any more.)

So this talk about male anger and hostility energizing the sex urge, and men using sex as punishment and domination … instead of love, delight, and tenderness … is probably a relevant point.

15

I think most everybody is making us (men) a lot deeper than we are when it comes to sex. We are not. Have you never heard the phrase, “He’s thinking with his cock”?

When it comes to sex, we don’t have brains, we just have breeding parts. Ten minutes before we might have had brains, and 15 seconds after, we might once again have brains. Probably nature created us that way so we would brave rabid wooly mammoths and saber tooth tigers with toothaches just to get to our caves, have sex and keep the human race going.

Women, when you catch your man getting sexual thoughts about another women and you ask him, “How could you?”

And he answers, “I don’t know.” Try not to get angry. He’s being honest. We don’t know. All we know that for a moment there she was in the cave and the human race was in danger of dying out. Whether we like her is very secondary to the discusssion.

TV

16

Men have much higher levels of testosterone in their systems. Ladies, get a testosterone patch prescription, and slap a couple of dem patches on and find out what it does to your personality and sex drive.

17

I personally think that women miss out on a lot of life’s nuances by not utilizing sex more indescriminantly. I’ve never appreciated the qualities of a male that females ‘reward’ with sex; I don’t think any guy does to be honest. I look at the general situation with these numbers (pulled out of my arse)…
10% of the guys have sex with 70% of the females; all the other sex is for wealth or marriage. What you have, is a lot of sexually frustrated males who have more selective pressure to aquire more depth than females IMO. Barring religous reasons or psychological trauma, sex is the number one gauge of validation of being; in life, on this earth - particularly from the opposite sex; the one biologically wired to be attracted to you. Burning through ones sexual peak without sex is basically being told; “When you can most satisfy me and be satisfied by me; I do not find you worthy of having sex with me.” That’s pretty harsh for a guy. It’s a shame that females aren’t more visual or more inclined to follow more liberal sexual paths; because for a vast majority of people on this earth, that’s when they begin to open up - each one of those is a chance to open up your world, and discover your own tastes; tastes you might not have realized having; or existing. I was just recalling the recent thread here of a woman brewing with excitement over the wonders of sex with someone who actually loves giving and caressing etc… those guys are everywhere. Women just place more conditions on sex then men do; and ironically will criticise men with lack of sex for not having a certain type of personality.
A guy is likely thinking something along the lines of: “I don’t even place that burden on you… all I know is that my biological clock is ticking and my sexual peak is diminishing over-time; and I just want to experience sex in this state of being.” It takes alot for men to outgrow psychologhical and existential wounds inflicted from being rejected during their sexual peak. I believe scorn towards women is residue from that, as are the psychological patterns associated with the sexual peek when the actual biology has long passed. I think many men try to go back and make that rejection ok - to validate their worth as a living being.
Since we don’t have that kind of time-travel everywhere; it manifests in many behavioral and psychological patterns.

-Justhink

18

I wanted to add that I think women are largely to ‘blame’ for male frustration and female frustration. They have a selective process for sex that re-enforces logical dementia, and reduces the pool from which their experience with males takes place.
They also get males very pissed off at them, life and the world.
I think it is becoming more articulated, because we live in such a different type of society, that many of the standard reasons not to have sex are absent. While there is a resource problem (time), in that not everybody can have sex with everybody they can or would want to; there is also a settling of existential crisis from the validation. You’ll find that the males who have ‘had it’ to a familiar extent; tend to not have these types of issues regarding perversion. The fact that it gives them the luxury to turn down sex on the basis of personality (actually because they are less sexual) makes them more desirable to females, creating a perpetual cycle where females believe that their personality is validated by sleeping with a male who has rejected one of their own. While males are indeed more visual, I tend to think that much of male behavior in regards to sexuality is a lack of re-enforcement for their efforts of being male at a stage where the male life is most romantisized. What is really being expressed IMO, is the vast discrepancy in males having had their sexual needs met vs. that of females. It reflects itself as an aggragate effect in society…

-Justhink

19

This is complete, unadulterated bull. Suppose you’re nailing this really hot chick in her bedroom, and you hear her father come in the front door. I suppose you don’t have enough of a brain to stop what you’re doing and get your ass dressed before he has a chance to load his shotgun?

I don’t have any proof, and I can only speak for myself, but I suspect that the “compartmentalization” that Geobabe refers to is a front many men use to avoid making themselves vulnerable to another person. Again, only a suspicion, but I think men who propagate the whole “We’re not deep, we only care about sex and beer” myth have some things about themselves they’re not comfortable sharing with others, and this is the wall they build up to hide them.

About sex with women we hate, I really can’t speak to this phenomenon. I suppose men are socialized to associate sex with power, and sometimes use it as an act of agression.

20

First, our brain would be so locked into sex, we probably wouldn’t hear the father until he kicked down the bedroom door and was chambering a shell. Second, even if we did hear him, we would try to get one last moment before heading for the window or closet. That’s why so many of us have left houses at very weird hours without every piece of clothing we started the night with (at least so I’ve heard). Third, if we had been thinking with any other part of our anatomy, we wouldn’t have been caught in the situation to begin with.