With regards to women who don’t directly ask men, I’m simultaneously sympathetic (I don’t directly ask women, same reason) and jealous/pissed (you have more options for action without ever directly asking).
I’ve written about it here and been called juvenile/immature about it. Could be related to the fact that I first got thoroughly pissed about it while still a virgin and essentially said “Fine, then, never, freeze”.
Guess that makes it a temper tantrum of 24 years’ duration at this point.
You wanna run that by us one more time in English, AHunter3?
No
I think this applies to relationships in broader ways.
If a woman breaks up with a man, it’s probably because he’s an asshole.
If a man breaks up with a woman, it’s probably becase, well, he’s an asshole.
I’m about the same age as you are, and I used to be like this. But then I realized I’m going to be waiting a long friggin time if I don’t make the first move. In the meantime, many women in my life who I was attracted to got in relationships with gentlemen who possessed greater initiative than I did. So I started asking people out. And I got rejected- a lot! But it doesn’t feel as bad as I feared it would. That fear of rejection is far, far worse than the actual rejection, especially if it is with someone you’ve met recently.
I see it as asking what grade you got on a test. You can say nothing, wracked in the fear the teacher will tell you that you got an ‘F’ or you can ask and know for sure, and maybe be surprised when the teacher says ‘B-’ (the story of my life )
Thats cool that you’ve worked up the nerve. I’ve posted about this tons of time on SD but I don’t think I personally fear rejection as much as being ‘that guy’ women think of when they say ‘thats why I wear a wedding ring in public now’. Rejection I can handle, its just the idea that people want to get away from me or avoid me altogether that stings like hell. Hell, one of the best interactions with a woman i’ve ever had came with a woman who rejected me.
But carry on, I don’t mean to hijack this thread.
My opinion on this subject has already been stated by others, women are not as used to rejection as men and not as used to taking the initiative. Plus women have more of their social and personal worth tied into their desirability as sexual creatures than men do, rejection probably means more to them on that front too.
Nope, I’m on permanent strike. I’m afraid I’d be too bitter and contemptuous otherwise, and that’s not a good starting point. So on the occasions when I’ve been unpartnered I negotiate my liaisons through the medium of online personal ads (the old-fashioned all-text kind), a modality that makes it easy to bypass a lot of the conventional sex-role specific “dance”.
originally posted by aaslatten:
hmmmmmmmmm, please explain
Disclaimer: Yes, I know not all women and men are like this.
All I meant to say, in an offhand way, was that it seems many times when a woman dumps a man, all her friends and everyone they knew together support her and assume that she’s just doing what’s good for her, she needs her space, or he did something wrong.
When a man breaks up with a woman, their mutual friends (and often his friends too) often assume he did something wrong or is just being difficult or “afraid of commitment.” You don’t hear too many people sympathize with the man’s possible need for space or personal growth.
Thanks aaslatten, I agree with you, most times the guy gets all the blame and none of the sympathy.
Thanks for the clarification 
Unless your Raj on The Apprentice who had to spend twenty minutes running around in his boxers while Anna Kournikova and John Mackenro bash tennis balls at him.