Two hunters on a hunting trip are walking in the forest. Suddenly one of the hunters collapses. He doesnt seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.The other hunter not knowing what to do whips out his cell phone and calls up the emergency line and gasps “My friend is dead what do I do?”. The operator says “Calm down ! I can help. First let’s make sure he’s dead. There is a silence and a shot is heard. Back on the phone the other hunter says " Ok , Now what?”.
An atheist hunter was in the woods and a bear began chacing him. He looked up to heaven and began saying"Look God, I know I don’t believe in you, but if you’d just do me this one favor, I’d be much obliged to you. Can you get this bear off my ass?"
God says. 'WHAT?!? You’ve contiuily ignored me and even argued against me for all these years and now you want me help? Sheesh!"
" Not for me lord, but the bear, make him a Christian."
The huhter is met with a rumble of aquistion, and the bear stops dead in his tracks. He gets on his kness.
The hunter begins thanking God profusly untill he hears the bearts words. “God is great, God is good…”
Two hunters in the woods get drunk, leave everything outside by the fire as they stumble into their tent, and awaken the next morning to find a large, pissed-off bear between themselves and their rifles.
The first one, moving oh-so-gingerly, starts pulling on the running shoes he keeps in the tent for late-night bathroom trips.
“Are you crazy?” whispers the second hunter, “you can’t outrun that thing!”
“I know,” says the first. “All I have to do is outrun you.”
Three statisticians decide to go bear hunting. Looking over a ridge they see a bear standing right out in the open. The first statistician stands up and takes a shot, hitting a tree three feet to the left of the bear. The second statistician stands up and takes his shot, striking the ground three feet to the right of the bear. The third statistician stands up, surveys the situation, and says “looks like we got him, lets go home.”
No hunter, just a bear. A bear is taking a crap in the woods when a rabbit hops by. The bear asks the rabbit how he deals with the poop that sticks to his fur. The rabbit says that poop doesn’t stick to his fur, it falls right off. The bear grabbed the rabbit and started wiping.