Eve
April 1, 2005, 2:56pm
1
My sister just forwarded this, which she was e’d by a friend of hers (“I like her, so I overlook it when she does stuff like this,” my sister says):
An atheist was walking through the woods. “What majestic trees!” “What powerful rivers!” “What beautiful animals!” He said to himself. As he was walking along the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7 foot grizzly charge toward him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again. The bear was even closer. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.
At that instant the atheist cried out, “Oh my God!!!”
The atheist looked directly into the light, “It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian?”
And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke: “Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.”
And my reply, which I asked my sister to forward to her friend, with my compliments:
A planeload of nuns was flying over the ocean. “What majestic clouds!” “What powerful views!” they said. As they were flying along, they heard a crunching. They looked out the window. They saw one of the wings fall off the plane.
They ran as fast as they could to the cockpit, but the captain didn’t have time to pray with them, he was busy trying to keep the plane from rolling and crashing. The ocean got closer and closer.
And the fish in the ocean looked up, brought their fins together and spoke, “Lord, bless this food, which we are about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.”
My sister’s too nice, probably, to forward it on, though . . .
Very nice. I’d have probably been stuck with a response like:
“So your religion is consistent with eating human beings? Cooooool!!!”
Eve
April 1, 2005, 3:43pm
3
Damn—I always write these things too quickly. It would’ve been funnier if the fish were praying to Poseidon.
That’s why you should never walk alone in grizzly country. Always take someone slower than you. You don’t have to outrun the bear, just the other sap.
Was the bear crossed-eyed, and named Gladly?
Nah - the joke was there anyhow. In fact, it was better your way because it parelleled the glurge’s idea that animals recognized the existence of God. Or god, if you prefer. As my grandmother Dora used to say after a hard day at her farm, “Come the reckoning, some o’them animals will be in trouble !”
By the by, I missed saying this earlier – it’s nice to see you here again. Speaking as a failed comedian, I feel funnier when you’re around.
New photo of Eve found on t’internet.
Eve
April 1, 2005, 5:02pm
9
. . . My exercise regime is paying off!
I love what you’ve done with your hair
The original joke had no atheists in it. It was a minister that met the bear in the woods. Before they mucked with it, the joke was kinda funny.
Eve
April 1, 2005, 5:39pm
12
Glurgistas rarely have any real sense of humor.
I would have stopped that sentence at “sense.”
But they make up for it with their humorous sense of reality.
Yllaria , how did the original joke end? Enquiring minds (mine, at least) want to know.
I like “glurgistas.” Reminds me that we need to stamp out these unfunny rebels.
BrianJ
April 1, 2005, 6:00pm
17
Pardon my ignorance, but what’s a glurge?
Back on topic, yeah I get email of this sort occasionally from various people… some of it is messed up…
In general, they’re nauseatingly sugary-sweet stories designed to spread the word about how wonderful the sender’s chosen deity is, and how all you have to do to no longer be a worthless pile of crap is forward the tale along to all your friends.
Many, many examples .
"And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke: “Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen.”
Well that solves that. And yet, leaves the more tanalizing question of whether the Pope shits in the woods sadly unanswered.
Bites tongue to keep from posting something tasteless about diapers.
