Catcalls and Things People Shout at You from Cars

In My Humble Opinion
121

As a young lad with a car in West Texas, I was the one doing the hollering on one occasion. There was a porno theater that was constantly being picketed by church groups. Church groups irk me no end, but never more so than when they’re doing something like that.

So I’m driving past the theater with a friend, we see the pickets, and I belt out a paraphrased classic line from The Exorcist, to whit: “Your mothers suck cocks in hell!” About halfway through that sentence, I suddenly noticed a fair-sized police presence there, keeping order. I could see it might be construed that I was yelling at the police and not the protesters, but inertia kept me going to the end of the sentence. I braced myself for a cop to come riding after me, but none did. However, my friend and I kept speculating about just how well it would go over if I tried to explain: “Oh no, officer. I didn’t mean your mother sucked cocks in hell. I meant all those other people. Their mothers all suck cocks in hell.”

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No she wasn’t. She was with her guy, and she said it as she walked past, giving me no chance to respond. I was also wearing my ring if that matters, which she must have seen as I drank. I wasn’t talking to anyone, or even attempting to make eye contact with anyone. About all I was doing was looking at my watch, wondering where my friends were, and watching the game on the tube.

I doubt any of the other women were flirting either. I don’t want to hijack a thread about whether being told to smile by strangers of the opposite sex is flirting, whether it is inept flirting or opening line, or whether flirting is demeaning and a power play, better or worse than strangers calling you honey, more prevalent for men to say to unknown woman rather than the other way around given that men are more likely to talk to unknown women, regardless of whether that is sexist or just because guys have much less to fear, etc.

I don’t see how any of it compares to being yelled at from a car, or having your ass grabbed while riding a bike.

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I laughed.

Chalk this up as another thing I hate. No stats on it, just a personal impression, but it seems to happen more when people find out you’re a woman.

Well, would you have wanted him to be masturbating in a lackluster, mechanical sort of way? What an insult to your wife that would have been!

124

So attached women never flirt with married men? :dubious:

125

‘‘HUGS NOT DRUGS!’’

Screamed by a handful of teens while my husband and I took a leisurely stroll through the local state park.

We kept walking, but I wrapped my arm around my husband and pulled him into a half-embrace, at which point they collapsed into hysterical laughter.

Seems downright innocent compared to most of these stories.

As for catcalls, I got a lot of them when I was 11 and 12 years old, mostly by adult males 30+ who were mortified when I told them my actual age. One particularly unpleasant experience involved some guys following me and my Mom in their car while we were walking through an empty, dark parking lot. We were huddled together against the rain which they felt the need to inform us made it look like we were lesbians, and wanted us to ‘‘prove’’ that we weren’t. They wouldn’t leave us alone until my Mom had absolutely convinced them that I was underage and we were mother and daughter (it doesn’t help that we look nothing alike.) I was somewhat oblivious to exactly what was happening but my Mom was really tense and wouldn’t let go of me.

I can’t remember many catcalls in my adult life though… until recently. I’ve lost a lot of weight and I think in general have just been feeling and looking better which attracts more attention–more smiles from men, or double-takes where a guy thinks I might be flirting with him. Yesterday while I was unpacking my car the guy in the apartment across from mine began screaming out the window at me about how fine I looked, ‘‘DAMN BABY!’’ and all that. He couldn’t have been more than 17.

At first I felt mildly flattered, but that really quickly turned to discomfort realizing he was just standing there staring and screaming at me while I carried in the laundry or whatever the hell I was doing. What exactly did he expect in return? I felt like I was put in the position of either being a bitch by ignoring him or encouraging him by smiling/being friendly, compounded by the fact that he’s my new neighbor and I will likely run into him again.

And the weird thing is, it’s not even the sexual aspect that bothers me–it’s the assumption that I am the kind of person who would enjoy this kind of attention, as if I don’t have more important things to do with my life, as if there aren’t better ways to socially interact with a person. If someone really wants me to feel flattered, he can act like my old Greek neighbor who frequently told my husband he was lucky to have such a beautiful wife, in between asking about other aspects of our lives.

With this punk, I wanted to turn around and be like, ‘‘Look young man, I’ve spent the better part of this week hauling heavy boxes around, I’m married, live an incredibly domestic and by your standards, probably boring life and have no interest whatsoever in whether you are attracted to me or not. But you are welcome to cover over any time for tea.’’

Instead I just went inside and waited until my husband was home before I unloaded the rest of the stuff. If this starts happening more routinely I am going to be very, very annoyed.

126

Probably less often when her man is walking out the door with her. Though I’m sure it’s happened before.

127

That’s why I qualified it. In my experience, they flirt less with married men, but then I’ve been married so long, it might just seem that way because I must have been better looking 30 years ago.

But, flirting is never a quick drive by leaving no time for the flirted to respond.

128

So…unless you know someone…don’t be positive to the person…because that may cheer them up…and that isn’t your business. If you just meant “on the matter of smiles”, than I completely agree. But saying that “cheering someone up” isn’t the business of strangers seems a bit odd to me, but I may just be misunderstanding what you mean by it.

Even though I am a male, I am constantly told by other males that I need to smile. It is really very annoying and it does, in a strange way, feel controlling.

But…what one feels isn’t necessarily the most rational response. I respond in much the same way as you, which is to not smile and to give glares or a defensive response, but that doesn’t mean I am right in doing so.

They probably aren’t trying to dominate me. Why would they want to?

(Admittedly there was one instance where a man was trying to manipulate me to do his homework, and one of his tactics was pretending to be gay(since I am gay, and he deduced that.) He DID tell me to smile a lot. Whether there is a connection, though, with smiles and manipulation…I remain skeptical.)

~S.P.I.~

129

Telling someone to smile isn’t cheering them up. It’s demanding that they **appear **cheerful and visually pleasing.

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Or it’s sending the message that whatever it is that is keeping us from smiling our little fool heads off, it certainly can’t be that bad. (The subtext being that women blow things out of proportion/are hysterical/over-emotional, and the like, and we shouldn’t worry our little heads about it or we should calm down or whatever it is that the Other wishes we would do.)

It’s just a stupid thing to say to a woman, all the way around. If you want a woman’s attention, why not just say hello, how are you?

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I hope you’re not talking about me!

When I was a teenager, other idiot teenagers liked to shout at people while I was driving. Then they’d duck so it looked like I was alone in the car.

132

“Smile” is as offensive as “nice tits”? Whole Leash Hit! I would never have guessed.

“Nice tits” seems to be deliberately calculated to make the speaker sound like an asshole. I don’t see how anyone, including the speaker, could disagree.

“Smile” seems to be a half-hearted futile attempt to cheer someone up. Or at least to alert them that their perma-scowl is making others uncomfortable. And maybe not so futile, since the few times a stranger has told me to smile I had indeed been inadvertently scowling.

You really don’t think your view is controversial? I guess I can’t compare, since no stranger has ever commented on my tits.

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Smiling is a friendly gesture. However, it also means “I mean you no harm” or “I wish to appear pleasant to you.” If I’m walking down the street, minding my own damn business, sometimes I don’t WANT to appear harmless or pleasant to random strangers. Sometimes I want to give off the vibe that says “Mess with me, and I’ll make you wish you’d never seen me.” A command to smile says that the commander doesn’t care what the commandee’s feelings at the moment are, only the commandee’s appearance.

When I was young and quite attractive, I was frequently told to smile by random male strangers. Now that I’m older, and fat, I don’t get that any more. I think that this demand to smile really is a way to try to get a woman to do something, anything, at the demander’s whim.

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Not my problem if my scowl makes you uncomfortable. I’ve never been told to smile by someone who knew me, only strangers. Your feelings are your responsibility, not mine. Plus, how can it be an attempt to cheer me up if you are a stranger??? Because usually what cheers me up is time with people I care about, funny things, and tea & sympathy as needed. I’m not going to go around grinning like a grinning thing because some random guy is going to be uncomfortable in the mere seconds-to-minutes they are in my presence. Get over it. I can’t believe my scowl has set you off your equilibrium, sir!

Besides which, I always look angry according to people who, you know, know me and care about me. My face is my face. I don’t appreciate being told it’s not to your preference. Keep your opinons to yourself.

The smile command ignores my personhood, my circumstances, and my genetics. Yes, it makes me very mad. Generally, being told how to feel and how to behave to suit someone else’s very shallow needs makes me mad. I am a person, not a Happy Smiling Monkey. If some guy told me nice tits it wouldn’t make me near as mad, frankly, because I’d write him off as a sorry buffoon.

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I can’t even describe how much I hate the “smile” thing. I don’t go around suggesting/commanding others to change their appearance: “brush your hair!” “wear less eyeliner!”.

Catcalls, crude as they are, are commenting on my appearance, while “smile” is telling me to change it. Both suck, in different ways.

For the record, I’m usually a pretty happy-looking person and unless I have a reason (and, being a human being and all, sometimes I do) I don’t scowl or look unhappy. However, being told to smile invariably triggers a Terminator-style heads-up display that always lands on “fuck you asshole”, and I’m definitely not smiling.

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I completely agree; the quote below is the reason for my confusion:

As you can see here, it looks like she is saying that “cheering you up” is not the business of strangers. Or at least, that is what it looked like to me. I was merely noting my surprise at such an opinion, neither agreeing or disagreeing with it.

I apologise for any confusion.

~S.P.I.~

137

Thinking about it, my friends are constantly asking me if I’m alright because I don’t smile that much. It gets really annoying to have to assure them over and over that no, an expressionless face from me is not a sign that I am about to have a break down. I just don’t need to smile all the time, thanks.

138

Friend of mine (female, on the cute side) is walking out by her house. From across the street (a little OT, but hey) a young gentleman shouts an informal proposition of some level of intimacy. My friend yells back, quite truthfully: “Nope! I’m gay!”

The fellow responds, without missing a beat: “Hey, I can lick it like she can!”

Sad part is, my friend didn’t have a good comeback for that.

139

“Start transitioning and we’ll revisit your proposal in six months!”

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The worst story;

I was walking with a good friend (we were about 15 or so) and we passed a group of guys sitting on their front stoop.

One of the guys yelled, “Hey baby!”

My friend and I kept walking.

He yelled again, “Hey baby! Just say hi.”

I turned my head and said, “hi”.

He responded, “Not you, the pretty one.” :eek:
The funniest story:

Place: Club Zanzibar (N.J.) and the parking lot across the street.
The parking lot was directly across the street from the club entrance, and there was a long line of bored clubgoers waiting to get in.

My friends and I parked the car and then did what I call the “Charlie’s Angel Strut” across the parking lot and then across the street. We KNEW we were gorgeous that night: hair done, makeup perfect, fly girl clothing and shoes. We strutted along with the arrogant attitude of a Labelle and Diana Ross combined. We allowed those in line to view the glory of the girls from Hollis, Queens.

A cute guy left the line and started walking toward us (to his car, I imagine).

He started yelling as he walked:

“You.”

“Girls.”

“Look.”

“Soooooooo.”

“Uglaaaaaaaaay!”
The whole line exploded with laughter. The people from the line ragged on us for the whole night. It really was funny.