Hello** Elza B**, and welcome! Present choir member and former reader, eucharistic minister, and looong time altar server checkin’in.
You should know that even masses within the same parish will differ greatly in character. You may have a kid’s/family mass at 9:00 am, with happy-happy-perky-perky music and all the kids holding hands around the altar for the our-father, a very tradditional mass with organ-only accompanment & liberal use of insence at 10:30, and at 12:00 a teen-ager’s & young-adult mass complete with drums & electric guitar, solo contemporary pop-style singers, liturgical dancing at the offertory, and skits/short drama pieces for the homily, and a “folk” mass on the previous saturday evening with several acoustic guitars and perhaps a flute & tambourine thrown in as well. I am quoting from personnal experience here, so you won’t get bad vibes about a parish if you go to a mass that doesn’t fit your personality.
When we moved to our new city, we wanted to find a parish where we would fit right in, and the music was important to us, both because we were planning on joining the choir like you, and because I find it to be a great way to worship. So we attended mass at a different parish each Sunday morning. I would phone the parish on Saturday afternoon introducing myself as a new parishioner and asking them to tell me about the differences in their masses; this would give us a good idea of the mass that would most likely suit us best. It took us about 3 or 4 months, sometimes trying different masses at the same parish, but we found a church that we really like, with wonderfull musical talent and very inspiring masses and all kinds of programs going on.
Please don’t feel bad about “shopping” for a church. You’re not shopping for dogma that suits you, like people who look for a church that isn’t “preachy” and won’t make them feel guilty :rolleyes: but rather a Catholic church whose style of worship matches your personality and tastes, to best help you pray, worship, and experience God’s presence. It’s well nigh impossible to do that when something at mass grates on your nerves all the time, like the music style, or the particularly nasal accent of a given priest, for example.
Thanks for the advice! I’m definitely excited to join a choir - I miss singing SO much. I also play a few instruments, so if I can get my parents to bring my french horn and flute to me when they visit for Christmas, I’d love to join an orchestra or bell choir.
I’m honestly not too picky when it comes to what type of service - I guess I’m well-rounded because if I’m not participating in the service, I prefer the old liturgy/traditional masses (I’m going based on my Episcopal church experience, too), and if I’m singing, I like the contemporary one. So depending one how involved I get, I’ll be happy with whichever mass I attend.
The one thing that really attracted me to my church in NYC (Grace Episcopal) was that when I went to the coffee hour after service, I was immediately welcomed into the flock - and once they found out I was a musician, I was drafted into the choir and bell choir immediately - I went to a rehearsal that day! I’m not expecting to be welcomed like that - although it really made me love the church - I was sorry to leave when I moved - but I do hope that I’m welcomed by someone when I go in. Since we’re moving in a month or two, I’m not necessarily attached to a particular area, so if I need to drive downtown for a couple of weeks or so, that’s fine, too.
Lissa, you just gave me the idea to go to the Catholic bookstore and get a catechism. My cousin recommended a few books just about Catholicism that I’ve read, but he didn’t recommend a catechism. I guess I’ll let the person there guide me into what I need.
Thanks again - it’s funny, but I feel so much lighter and happier since I’ve made this decision. I can’t wait to go.
I ended up going to the church right down the street today - and I’m glad I did. The mass was lovely, although I think I want to go to an earlier one where it’s a bit more traditional (I went at noon - was going to go at 10:30, but my husband gave me the wrong directions and I was way late - I’m not comfortable walking in late). I met several people who directed me to the priest, who was just the nicest man. He was wonderfully kind and welcoming, and gave me some information about RCIA classes. I’ve emailed the man in charge of RCIA, and hope to attend class this week.
I went in fully intending to ‘shop around’, but as it is now, I was fairly comfortable with this church from the outset, and would like to continue. I’ve got a few books coming from Amazon (hey, I have to read - it’s just something I always do:), and I’ll read those before I attend again next week. But hopefully, I’ll be in RCIA class this week.
Eliza - Wow! A hit on your first swing. I’m glad that the parish and priest were so welcoming. Let’s hear next Sunday how the 10:30 went.
Today I went to Mass at my (relatively) new parish. THey just got n associate pastor who is from India. He seems like a nice man, but I’m slightly hard of hearing, and a hearing problem combined with a strong accent made it difficult to understand. This parish has a school attached, with 6 nuns in full habit who teach there. It’s sort of nice to see nuns in habit again.
Printed text is always good to have, of course, but you should be aware that we also have the Catechism on-line, that makes searching on key words infinitely easier than trying to guess where to find something in the Table of Contents or the Index of the printed version.
I gotta put in my suggestion to check out an Eastern-rite Catholic church sometime. It gives you a totally different and much more traditional feel than most modern-day Roman rite churches: they have the icons, chant, incense, bells, the works. This page lists two Eastern churches (both Byzantine rite) in Canton. It’s worth stopping by at least once, if only to see a totally different perspective on the faith.
I was not raised in any religious tradition. My wife is a lifelong Irish Catholic – Catholic schools, summer camps, the whole nine yards.
When we registered our first child for CCD classes, our priest casually mentioned that the RCIA classes were starting at the same time. That was all, no pressure, he just mentioned it as a point of information.
I had been thinking about it for several years anyway, so, when I picked our daughter from her first CCD class, I told the priest that I would be there that evening.
My only advice is to find a priest you are really comfortable with. Some of them are really great guys, and some are total assholes. Try and avoid the latter.
First of all, I want to thank the Straight Dope and tomndebb for getting me back into the church.
You and your kids will be more than welcome. A few years ago I came to the realization that as a parent I was responsible for more than my kids growth into adulthood… I felt that I was responsible for their souls as well.
I posted on the Straight Dope with some really basic questions about why Catholics did the things they did, just so I wouldn’t feel so self conscious.
I started going to mass regularly, and eventually my wife started going too. She told me several times how glad she was that I started going to mass again. If I had asked her to go I would have met resistance, but by setting the example and going for me, it made the rest of my family more willing to join in.
Elza B said…
That’s what I did. It took a lot of courage, but I went in to my local parish and talked to the staff.
They recommended a couple of books (One of them was either Catholicism For Dummies or The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Understanding Catholicism)
The catechism is a great book to have physically on hand- it makes you look so snooty and holier-than-thou when you read it on the bus. More time in purgatory for me…
I’m glad you found a good church, Elza.
I was raised Catholic, went to parochial school and an all-boys high school and uit going to church some time in college, about the late 80s. My wife and I started back just before our son was born. That said, I would definitely shop around. The first parish we called did not seem welcoming at all, almost the opposite, in fact. We ended up at the parish where I attended grade school, and where a couple friends send their kids. The people seemed more friendly, more welcoming and my wife met some other moms in the moms’ group. I know that in our city there is a wide range of styles among the local churches. One church has a very unstructured “liberal” style, one has more than one Latin mass due to the demand. And there are various points in between. Try different churches, try different masses. And good luck.
Elza B, it sounds as if you may have found what you were looking for. FWIW, though, I wanted to share my experiences for anyone else who might be considering such a step.
I was confirmed as a Methodist, and married another Methodist. He’d had a short-lived marriage prior to our meeting, and we had been married for about 8 years when I finally decided to act upon converting to Catholicism. (I had been considering it for many years.)
I took private instruction from the parish priest and was confirmed, no problem. About a year later we moved - to my home town, no less - and not only was I more or less informed that I was not welcome in the new parish, but that my kids were not eligible for baptism as I and my husband were ‘living in sin’ since his earlier marriage had ended in a civil divorce, not an annulment.
We have considered having the earlier marriage annulled, but at the time this happened, my stepson was still fairly young and we already had a lot of problems with his mother. We really didn’t want to start any more. I finally gave up trying to become part of that parish, and of any parish for that matter. We live in a small town and the other parishes I contacted in nearby towns had a similar attitude toward our dilemma.
I don’t have a happy ending to this story. I’m not even sure there’s an ending at all.
Elza, I just wanted to say congrats for starting RCIA and being brave enough to go to a new church. I hope you find what you’re looking for in Catholicism.
Suse, your parish is completely dead wrong about baptism. Your children are eligible to be baptised - the state of their parents’ marriage has absolutely nothing to do with the whole thing. And on the issue of annulment, I do not believe it is always necessary to involve the ex-spouse in order to annul the marriage to her. I am no expert on the process myself though.
I am sorry, it looks as if you have run up against some small-minded, theologically incorrect people. Perhaps you should try contacting the bishop for your area if you wish to arrange baptism if other parish priests will not help you.
Just a note that some churches will have the candidates leave partway through the Mass ( I think before the Offertory? ) for them to have separate study time since they can’t receive the Eucharist yet. That makes it so much more exciting at Easter Vigil when they get to stay and receive their First Communion–I always end up crying like a baby witnessing that So you may have to be absent from some of the choir activity.
I’m very traditional and there are services that rub me the wrong way; I’m lucky to have a parish nearby that has an articulate and approachable priest and for the most part good music and singing. No guitars, just organ or piano; an occasional foray into that hideous 70s and 80s liturgical music can be forgiven
Congratulations on this big step! I hope you find people who are welcoming and supportive and lots of grace when you may feel shaky!
More time in purgatory for me…