Background: My girlfriend and I could be getting married, depending on how we resolve other issues as well, but one that’s kind of been hanging is the ol’ religious differences. She was raised Roman Catholic and probably can’t be comfortable in any other church. I was raised Protestant, various flavors, and would probably be most comfortable in one of the more traditional churches, Episcopal or Lutheran.
I have nothing against Catholicism as such, but haven’t been willing to “convert” because of various doctrinal doubts. (Of the two of us, I’m the open-minded conservative and she’s the traditionalist liberal, so I’m the one more likely to do any crossing over. But as might be guessed, none of this is straightforward.) In the interest of wanting to somehow bridge over this divide between us, I’d like to discuss my doubts with some religious counselor or other to see if there’s some resolution possible - but I don’t know who to ask.
Advice on where to go for advice would be welcome.
Start with your, or her, Catholic parish pastor. He can undoubtedly steer you to the parish’s RCIA teacher - the Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults, which would be the class you’d go through to convert. That person is probably ideal to answer your questions and concerns, because those questions and concerns are precisely what should come up - and be dealt with - during RCIA.
Definitely check out the RCIA class. I was sorta in your shoes except we were already married and talking about how to raise our son. I talked to one of the Sisters as I was more comfortable with talking to a woman at the time. She asked if I was interested in going to the RCIA classes and told me there was no obligation to buy. I said I would go to the classes, but that I would likely ask a lot of hard questions. She told me I would be an asset to the class. I went, I asked my quesitons. They were answered to my satifaction and I made my first communion and confirmation at Easter 2003. I have been very happy with my choice.
There were those in the class, though, who didn’t choose to be confirmed at the end the class. And some who dropped out. No one criticized or anything. It was a very open-minded class. Most of the people in my class were like you and I, raised protestant or non-denominational. Some had been raised with no religion at all. All were welcome. All questions were answered, none were considered inappropriate. I’m sure you will find answers.
If you’d be comfortable in the Episcopal church, there may not be much difference if you converted to Catholicism. I call Episcopal/Catholic marriages “strictly amateur”. There’s probably more difference between High Church Anglican and Low Church Anglican than there is between Anglican and Catholic.
My best friends’ parents had this dilemma, except that the local priest would not let her father convert and would not marry them. This disgusted them both, so they decided to become Episcopalians. This has worked out well for them for 30 years or so.
I think she’d feel much more at home as an Episcopalian than as a Lutheran. Anti-Catholic sentiment tends to run high among Lutherans. I know, not all Lutherans are anti-Catholic, but in any congregation, you’re bound to find it without looking too hard. And frequently enough, the message comes directly from the pastor. I always have, in Lutheran churches of every flavor–Missouri Synod, Wisconsin Synod, and even the relatively liberal Evangelical Lutheran Church of America.
I know it will upset people that I’ve said this, and that it will be claimed that I’m misrepresenting Lutherans, but it’s fair to warn you of this given the decision you’re trying to make. I know wherefrom I speak.
I think that since the second Vaticanconcil the Catholic Church no longer considers members from protestant churches to be “converts”, merely to being let into the full communion of the church.
I’ve been a Lutheran all my life, attended Lutheran churches of many flavors (Missouri Synod, WELS, ALC, LCA ELCA), and attended a Lutheran seminary for two years. My wife was baptized and raised Roman Catholic, my brother-in-law is a Roman Catholic priest.
I have never encountered anything like what is described above.
I converted to Catholicism two years ago, and was married this past June. It’s not all that hard…you usually have to take an RCIA class, then receive the sacraments (Baptism, Confirmation, and Eucharist). For adults they sometimes do all three sacraments at once. I agree with Bricker: start by talking to a priest.
Same here. I converted from Catholicism to Lutheran (ELCA) sixteen years ago. I’ve met and talked with many, many Pastors, Associates in Ministry, Seminary professors and students, and have never encountered anti-Catholic commentary or bias; and certainly nothing from the Pulpit.
The only animus I’ve encountered has been from a couple of ELCA Pastors toward the LCMS. One even told me he felt the ELCA is much closer to Catholicism in the majority of its teachings than to the Missouri Synod.
Indeed, the order of the service (apart from some references to saints and the Blessed Virgin) is pretty much identical.
And Civil Guy - I was married by my brother-in-law, with our Lutheran pastor co-officiating, and I was not required to convert or anything. We used to alternate between Catholic and Lutheran churches on alternate Sundays. Then we moved, and it got too hard to do, and we go to Zion Lutheran Church now. My wife teaches confirmation and serves on the audit committee. And receives Communion every Sunday.
Of course we agreed ahead of time on what we believed was central to our faith, so the only issues were with other people, not each other, but it can be done successfully.
It’s hard to say what the exact situation was. I have been hearing for years about how horribly a couple of friends were treated by one priest in the area, and it’s their spin. When I hear what happened, I can see that it was all reasonable given what Church practices are. I don’t meant say **Q.N.Jones ** is misrepresenting anything, just that stories are told in one voice.
I’ll recommend the book Catholicism for Dummies. I got a copy when I found out that my sister was marrying a Catholic man and that they plan to have kids and raise them Catholic. My sister didn’t convert, btw, just promised to raise their kids Catholic.
Maybe the priest felt that he was not sincere in his conversion to Catholicism, and was just doing it to get the perfect location for the wedding or something. I’m sure there is some bridezilla/groomonster somewhere who has done something like that.
I know that rabbis who convert people to Judaism are very concerned about the sincerity of prospective converts, particularly in situations where the convert is marrying a Jew. They don’t want to convert someone to Judaism just so they can be married in a synagogue or keep the in-laws happy, and then have the convert not actually practice Judaism afterward.
Or maybe the priest was a jerk, and was possibly prejudiced against whatever religion the father was before he tried to convert to Catholicism. Prejudice goes all ways, unfortunately.
Well, my wife’s grandfather was a Lutheran pastor, and her grandparents basically felt that the Pope was Satan’s instrument on Earth, which was not an uncommon sentiment among many of their friends and congregants. Of course, they were pretty “old school” and ran a fairly conservative church even for the time and place (MN). My wife’s father and mother didn’t much approve of it, and so the anti-Catholic ranting ended with that generation. I have to think it still goes on in some places, but maybe it’s very uncommon nowadays.
I’m sure I could take Catechism classes and pass with flying colors. But I still would not believe and thus not be Catholic. If a Priest were to tell me to fake it until I do believe, I would tell him to “go fuck himself”.
