After a long time thinking about it, discussing issues with my soon-to-be-a-Catholic-priest cousin, and praying on it, I’ve decided to convert to Catholicism. I went to Mass a lot in college with a friend, and since then, in the past 2-3 years, I’ve gone about 10-12 times on my own, all in different churches in NYC and VA. While it may not look like a lot, I have studied Catholicism from all angles, reading books and articles and looking at the history of the Church. This is what I want to do.
So, I’m familiar, somewhat with Mass, but I don’t know where to start. Do I just go to Mass, find the priest and say ‘I want to be in RCIA classes’?.
FWIW, my husband will not be joining me, as he is agnostic, but he supports my beliefs, and he supports my wanting to raise our future childre in the Church. My only concern is what the Church will think of this - I’ve been told that my marriage will be valid as we were married by a Christian minister, but will I have a difficult time having my children baptized or confirmed? (My husband’s funniest d’oh moment was when we were discussing CCD classes, and he said “You should only have to go to confirmation class two or three times and that should be it”, until I looked at him and told him that in my Lutheran church growing up, I spent every Wednesday at confirmation class for an entire year. So now he has no problem with CCD.). Once our children have been confirmed, they will be free to choose whether or not to attend church.
I’m just not entirely sure where to start. I’m planning to go to Mass at the Catholic Church here and see if I like the ‘vibe’ - I’ll try it out for several weeks, otherwise, I’ll look for a different church until I find one where I’m comfortable. But I could use advice on starting the process from Catholics already in the church - especially those of you who converted on your own and not because of marriage.
To start, find a parish where you feel comfortable. Once you find that parish, there will either be a notice in the bulletin about who to contact for RCIA, or you can ask the priest. There’ll generally be a lay person assigned to be your mentor. RCIA lasts about a year, I think, with the sacraments first celebrated at Easter. It’s not a short program, but I guess it weeds out those who aren’t committed. There shouldn’t be a problem having your children baptisted in the Church even if your husband isn’t a Catholic, as long as he agrees to it.
Hi. I’m essentially in your husband’s position, a few years down the line. My husband was a lapsed Catholic who decided about 10 years ago to get everything back up to speed. We were actually asked to get our marriage “blessed” in a Catholic church by a priest before he was free to participate in the Eucharist, even though we had been married in a Christian (Presbyterian) ceremony. Our children were both born after that, and there have been no issues at all about getting them baptized or enrolled in confirmation classes.
Thanks, StGermain! I guess I’m just nervous about going into a new church - LOL! I’ve done it before, but this time it’s serious, and I’m just nervous. I wish I knew someone around here who was Catholic who I could tag along with once or twice, but I don’t.
I was thinking about going to a Saturday afternoon Mass because it might be a little less overwhelmng than a Sunday morning Mass. Does it make a difference?
As a Lutheran-turned-agnostic-atheist who grew up in a mostly-Catholic area and married into a devoutly Catholic family, let me offer the following advice:
Find a parish you really like, with a priest you really like. My mother-in-law’s current parish is diametrically opposed to the one of her upbringing (she grew up in a poor rural parish that was very close, now belongs to a large, extremely wealthy suburban parish, where parishoners aren’t very close, people are very money- and image-obsessed, and the priest is distant and rather snotty, if I may say), and though she chafes against it, there’s little she feels she can do. In contrast, I just attended the funeral of my friend’s father, and his family has had an 18-year relationship with that priest and the parish’s sisters, often had them over for dinner, etc., and that community and its clergy have been a tremendous comfort to them.
Make sure your husband insists he is an agnostic, not an atheist. I was more militant when we got married, and my mother-in-law basically considers her daughter to be excommunicated. (This is a great trial for my MIL, as we get along famously otherwise.)
Your husband not being Catholic should be no problem re: kids. My father-in-law is Church of the Brethren, but the kids were raised Catholic all the way. (Q for Catholics, though: do non-RC spouses still have to take the marriage classes that are usually required before marriage?)
Where are you located? If it would make you more comfortable, you could ask around at your work to see if there are any Catholics that would meet you for Mass then breakfast afterward, or something. Then you wouldn’t have to go alone the first time. At least they can recommend parishes based on your personality. For most parishes, Saturday Mass is usually a little less “formal” than Sunday morning Mass, but that usually refers more to the music than the actual Mass. As you know, the readings will be the sam, as will the order of the Mass. That never changes much. At my old parish they had wine and cheese after Saturday Mass and coffee and donuts after Sunday Masses.
Don’t worry about going to new parishes by yourself - believe me, no one will see the invisble “I’m shopping for a parish” tattoo on your forehead. They don’t check membership cards at the door. It’s a good opportunity to see how welcoming folks are, that sort of thing. And dont’ be afraid to try several parishes. It is important that you feel comfortable with your fellow parishoners and especially the priest.
Good luck! Keep posting and let us know how it’s going.
I didn’t have to take classes, but the priest in my husband’s parish at the time did ask us to take some sort of compatibility test (okay it was a bit more sophisticated than that.) I’m not sure what he would have said if we hadn’t scored well after 14 years of marriage, but the issue didn’t come up. We also met with him for about an hour and he danced around the issue of Natural Family Planning (fat chance) and raising the children in the Catholic Church, which was not a problem for me.
He will definitely insist that he’s agnostic - that’s what he calls himself. He believes in God, and honestly, that belief has grown stronger over the past several years, his issue is with organized religion. I will keep that in mind, though:).
cher, thanks. Will they ask us to have our marriage blessed, do you think? Because my husband will definitely not go for it unless we can do a private blessing behind closed doors by the priest - one because one wedding was enough for him, and two because he will not publicly participate in such a ceremony. He will attend our childrens’ baptisms and confirmations in the role of a parent, but that’s about it. I’ll be responsible for our kids’ spiritual upbringing, he’ll be responsible for teaching them useless trivia and getting them on Jeopardy .
StG, thank you:). I’m always hesitant in new situations, and I honestly prefer the older liturgy and music over the more contemporary stuff. One of the reasons I’m ready to go back is because I really want to become involved with the choir and the musical groups. It’s the push I need to go back, and I hope that’s something I’m able to do from the start.
I’ll keep you all updated on my progress;) - I plan on attending a mass this weekend.
It depends on the parish, but Saturday masses (“vigil masses”) are typically uncrowded and fairly low-key. I don’t care for the “folk mass” that many churches have (or used to have–haven’t encountered one in several years now) for Sunday evening mass–something about a guy strumming an acoustic guitar after the Elevation of the Host rubs me the wrong way.
But, seriously, I think you’ll find any mass to be easy to deal with, especially if you’re already familiar with the layout of the liturgy and the Eucharistic rites. Even during a crowded mass, you shouldn’t feel too self-conscious. I usually go to mass by myself, and rarely speak to anyone except during the Sign of the Peace. Since I tend to keep to myself anyway, I quite like this–if you’re more sociable, there’s usually some kind of coffee/tea get-together in the parish hall after mass.
And I would second the recommendation of trying out a few different parishes–different priests and churches have different styles, and it’s just up to the individual to determine which one fits best. Though, of course, when you get down to it the mass is still the same, no matter where you are or who the priest is.
Well, parishes might differ, but his was pretty insistent that it had to be done. It was a private ceremony, not part of a Mass. We had my parents and couple of other people there (slightly awkward, since my father is a minister and was the one who performed our wedding, but they’ve gotten over it.) Probably all you would need would be the priest and a witness. To be frank, it kind of stuck in my craw at the time, but I’ve gotten over it, too. I’m an atheist, but an extra blessing here and there can’t hurt.
My only beef with our current church is that they schedule mandatory weekly CCD classes at 4:00 on Tuesdays. It’s hard not to read it as a jab at working Moms.
Depending on where you live, it’s possible that not every parish in your area will offer RCIA classes, or more accurately, if the parishes are small, they might lump the instruction together in one parish. If this were me, I would call the diocese and ask for information on RCIA. Hey, they might even have a web site (okay, that’s one of my bizarre hobbies, looking at diocese web sites. I started when I was trying to find a Mass to attend while I was away on vacation, and became sort of fascinated by looking at various dioceses online. I was amazed how high tech some of them are.)
The Saturday Afternoon Mass, IMHO, is the reason why the Catholics are Taking Over The World ™ ( that and all those kids.) but, really, who wants to get up on a Sunday, put on your sunday clothes, slog your way through some sermon when you are tired from the movie you watched last night and go back home to collapse on the couch in a heap of exhaustion. YMMV.
In my 20 years of attending church, our family never went to sunday mass. Unless Something Important Was Going On and we had to Make It Up ( Or Midnight Mass for Xmas. Too late.Might miss Santa.) We were all about speed and comfort. Did I mention my mom is an ex-nun and I had two great uncles ( brothers) who were priests. One sat in on Vatican 2. Just bragging. If there were a drive through service available, my mom would have found it.
*" Yes, I’d like a supersize Miracle."
“We are out of Supersized Miracles. We do have a Extra Large Order of Guilt and some Fresh Shame to go.”
“Just how fresh is this shame? Last weeks shame went back to 1953.”
“Well, its been here since 1964. Howzthat? If you take it, we’ll throw in Jesus Christ Action Figure complete with a kung fu grip.”
" Oh alright."
“That will be ten Hail Mary’s and a novena. Pull up to the window please.” *
No one else will probably tell you, so I’ll clue you in: There is a super top secret initiation ceremony when you join. Yeah, I know, you never heard of it. Well, it involves a goat, a dwarf, mayonaisse and yodeling. You do know how to yodel, don’t you?..I’ve said too much…no. NO! Not THE CHASTITY BELT!!! AIIIIIGH!
I’ll just chime in with the people saying it shouldn’t be a problem to get your children baptised and confirmed. I was raised Catholic, but my father is non-religious (his actual bleliefs I don’t know, but he was never baptised). I’ve been baptised, confirmed, the whole nine yards. Only to then find I don’t want to be Catholic
Don’t worry about it too much, you should already know the three basic tenets of beings a good Catholic anyways–sit, stand, kneel
Well, I am not a convert but a “re-vert” (raised nominally Catholic, but only became serious about it as an adult). I think you’re going about things the right way by starting to go to Mass and seeing how the different parishes compare.
You may already know about this, but I found it quite helpful to browse through the archives at http://forum.catholic.org/ to get answers to a lot of the little issues I was curious about when I was brand new.
Best wishes to you in your journey
Most parishes should have a little note in the Sunday bulletin mentioning who to contact if you are looking at RCIA. If they do not, the priests should know how to set it up.
Depending how structured are the RCIA classes in the parish you join, it may take you a while to break into the church. They usually focus on completing in time for the Easter Vigil, so they usually start around the time that school starts. (If the parish is not wound excessively tight, you might be able to catch up on the early classes “on your own” and still join this year’s group. On the other hand, waiting until next fall’s group could let you get more comfortable that you’ve picked the correct parish.)
I’m not sure why anyone would want to force you to have your marriage blessed, (although they might invite you to), but they would surely not compel you to do it publicly.
Mass is mass. Even forty years ago when they sang high mass and recited low mass, the essentials were the same. There is no separation between “regular worship” and “communion service” as there is in a few Protestant denominations.
This might be a good ice-breaker. Pick out the music director or someone from the choir and ask them about joining the church, then the choir. (You might even be asked to join the choir before you make the big step, which could give you a ready-made support group in the parish.)
Of course, Catholics are not immune to idiocy and such, so don’t be put off if you encounter some dour soul who is more interested in rules or status; simply move on to a better environment.
Hmm…I always thought it was Forehead, Belly Button, Left Nipple, Right Nipple. (sorry - anyone who’s ever read the Anastasia books as a kid will get the reference).
tomndebb, since you’re in NE Ohio, I don’t suppose you can recommend a nice parish in Canton? St. Michael’s is right down the street from us (we’re in Jackson Township), but I get the feeling it might be way too big for me.
My thing with Saturday mass compared to Sunday is that my aunt and uncle who are Catholic seem to prefer Saturday - my aunt said it’s lower-key. But she very well could mean the time of day - she just prefers Saturdays.
Jayn, I grew up Missouri-Synod Lutheran and went to an Episcopal Church for a year - I can sit, stand and kneel in my sleep;). (Although my Lutheran Church must have been a rarity because the church my mother now attends doesn’t kneel…).
lavenderviolet, thanks for the link:). That’ll give me something to do at work today (it’s my last day here before starting a new job and I don’t feel like working) - I did find a website for the particular parish I’m attending on Sunday and it looks like they have a lot there.
Thanks for all of the info and support - I’ll report back after Sunday:).
Sorry. I don’t know anything about parishes in Canton. (I barely know that Canton has a memorial to McKinley and some sort of sport museum.)
The way that Saturday evening mass is celebrated will tend to vary a little bit from parish to parish. The very fact that the church began celebrating Sunday mass as a vigil on Saturday evening is an acknowledgement that modern life has gotten a bit hectic and different people need to be able to structure their schedules differently. We’re a noon Sunday kind of family, so I don’t have many observations regarding the Saturday celebrations, other than they they are obviously not “second class” or anything. (Real Catholics go to 8:00 a.m., Sunday–6:00 a.m. if they can find it. )
Right, then I’l never be a real Catholic. I work until 11 pm Saturday. No chance I’m getting up at 6.
This is interesting. My husband and I are in the same sort of position- we’re Anglicans who have become increasingly disaffected with Protestanism, and more and more interested in the RC church. We’re looking for a church to join, but we’re a) shy and b) have no car, so we’d really like a church nearby. The closest one isn’t inspiring at all. I almost got given the Host because the priest wasn’t paying attention, and we couldm’t understand what he was saying in the homily.
We’ve both been reading the Catechism (although my husband has been doing it more thoroughly), some of the encyclicals, and praying the rosary. I think the simultaneously scariest and most attractive part of Catholicism is the extent to which it emphasizes the importance of the physical. As someone raised extremely low-church Anglican, I’d never thought about God really making real things (water, wine, oil, bread) physical conveyers of grace.
Sorry. That’s getting rather theological.
If anyone knows of a good church with a good RCIA program in Toronto, I’d be grateful to hear about it.
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