How about a compromise? Mix some mashed potatoes in with the mashed cauliflower, say 1/3 potato to 2/3 cauliflower.
Might make it easier to ease into the new plan. Your new plan has to at least be palatable to you for you to stick with it long term.
In terms of disappointment, I’d venture an 8-9. If you’re having it as a substitute for mashed potatoes, the only thing you’re subbing is texture (and not very closely). This is an additional vegetable side, and it if you’re like me in not actually caring for the taste of cauliflower, you’re just going to be more upset, because it gives you the visual cues and then drops you down.
While it’s higher in carbs, I’d go with a spaghetti squash substitute. It’s not perfect, and yes it’s higher carb, but you won’t have quite the disconnect. If you are being really strict, a more fun option would to be to use a noodler/spiralizer and make vegetable noodles - still not anywhere close to the flavor profile, but you control the contents and you’ll have a lot of options down the road if you stick with low-carb. Another option would be 100% whole wheat, vegetable, or quinoa based noodles, which are also compromises in carbs vs satisfaction. If you have a bit of time before your birthday (happiness on another year alive btw) try small samples of all of the options ahead of time, and find the one you like most - it would suck to have a special meal and only then find out it is not to your liking.
One last work of advice - stay away from konjac/Shirataki noodle and ‘rice’ options. I tried them while low carbing and they are an utter failure while being rather expensive. The worst were the ‘rice’ options: basically fiber pellets with water, hold no sauce, and tend to have an offputting smell (even if washed repeatedly as directed). I tried stir-frying them once to add flavor, which just turned them into fishy grapenuts (epic fail), and the only time they half worked was in gumbo - as they were swimming in the gumbo stew, they were at least ‘rice-like’ but still didn’t add anything.
If you’re going to stick with cauliflower, I’d recommend roasting rather than mashing. This recipe is good:
My general rule is to avoid trying to make one thing into something it isn’t. Cauliflower is not potatoes. Zucchini is not noodles. Brown rice is not rice (and you can’t convince me otherwise). Better to play to the strengths of ingredients than to make them suffer by forcing square pegs into round holes.
And if you’re not going full keto but are just watching blood sugar in general, you can generally have 45-60 grams of carbs per meal and keep your blood sugar under control. That’s more than enough to have some mashed taters, especially if you use heavy cream instead of milk.
I like daikon radish more but they both have the problem of releasing too much liquid when cooked. Any of those substitutes are all about water management. I liked to freeze them and then thaw on paper towels.
My thoughts on califlower vs. potatoes.
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That’s funny! I couldn’t imagine clam chowder with cauliflower either, not as a substitute for potatoes anyway.
This is me. I went low carb a few years ago as a weight control, and it works pretty well for me. But I give myself the weekends off - so carb free Monday-Friday. That way I don’t feel too deprived and have managed to stick to it for 5 years.
As for mash substitutes, cauli is fine, but I find it can be rather ‘wet’ in comparison to potatoes. I’ve also had reasonable success with mashed swede or celeriac, or a mix of any of the above. None of them live up to potatoes, but they’re fine in their own right if you keep your expectations in check. Adding some cheese to the cauli mash is also nice.
It can be good with a lot of butter and cream. So if it’s a low carb and high fat diet, it’s alright. I did low carb for a long time, but only for body composition reasons, and have found it worked too well and I don’t really need to anymore. I can’t really eat more than my maintenance calories on a typical diet and just raise my protein if I want to lose weight.
I’ve riced cauliflower, added some egg and made pancakes that I air fried on parchment paper. Pretty good.
Rutabaga mashed up with a little butter, which my Scottish Grandma called ‘Swedes’ is very, very good. Not an exact match for mashed potatoes, but as or more tasty on its own, and I think it would be delicious as a stroganoff base.
Since it’s a root vegetable, it’s not as low-carb as cauliflower, but this site says “A 1-cup serving of boiled cubed rutabaga has 51 calories and 12 grams of carbs, compared to 136 calories and 31 grams of carbs in the same amount of potatoes.”
You make Swedes the same way as mashed potatoes- peel, cut into chunks, boil/steam then mash with butter and seasonings; but rutabaga is very dense and takes forever to boil, so a good trick is to steam them in an Instant Pot if you have one. same directions as steaming potato chunks, just add a minute or two to the cook time.
I quite often do a cauliflower puree (with a blending stick, rather than masher) having fried the florets quite aggressively until singed, then poached/steamed gently in some milk in a covered pan before blending. I don’t agree that they ‘need’ loads of butter/cream, but then, I like cauliflower. But I would agree it’s nothing like mashed potato.
A better approach to boiling / steaming root vegs is instead of chunks, cut them into thin slices. A chunk inherently cooks from the outside in and each chunk is very unevenly cooked. Instead try this:
e.g. take a typical potato, cut it in half lengthwise, then set the cut side down on the board for safety and stability. Then slice it crosswise into about 1/8-1/4" slices. The end result is they’ll cook faster and far more evenly. Yes, it takes a little more work to slice, but you’ll save more time in the pot than you spend at the cutting board.
As to the OP: I went hard core low carb a long time ago. Your personality is not mine, so what I’m about to say may not click with you.
But for me it was far simpler to go cold turkey to ~zero and not even think about cheating days, or eating “just” 60g of carb at a meal. 60g of carb is a recipe for runaway diabetes, obesity and all the rest. Assuming you’re susceptible to that stuff. Otherwise why would you be making these changes?
My goal was simple: zero sugar, zero flour, zero rice, zero starchy veg. Very light amounts of not very sweet fruit. plenty of non-starchy veg, and enough of everything else not already eliminated. 10g of carb, all from the veg/fruit per meal max. Zero is a very easy target to identify and also a very easy target to hit.
After years of this, I still think of 10g of carb diluted with a full meal as about right, 20 a lot, and 30 is downright dangerous. My glucometer agrees with me. So does my A1C: 5.4 with a mostly dead pancreas. And my weight: 10lbs more than in college which was 40+ years ago.
I also took on the attitude that substitutes aren’t. Instead of switching to artificial sweeteners, simply lose your taste for sweets. Instead of artificial carbs, simply lose your taste for carbs. You lose that taste by simply not tasting that stuff and tasting other things that stimulate other areas of the brain. After years off it, a bite of white bread just tastes insipid and pointless to me.
Cauliflower is what it is. Eat mashed cauliflower, or don’t. But if you are eating it, eat it with the mindset that it’s mashed cauliflower, not mashed potato substitute.
IMO/IME, you can get fundamentalist religion early and within 6 months you truly will think of chocolate cake as tasting disgustingly sweet. Or you can wade tiptoe into the water, try to wean yourself off, have regular cheat days, and … 6 months hence every meal will be an internal struggle of forced deprivation, rather than a celebration of the things on your plate that you genuinely like to eat.
One man’s experience, and one of the top few things I’ve ever done for myself in my 60+ years on this planet.
YMMV of course. Good luck!!
Thank you for sharing your experience LSLGuy. That’s very interesting.
Cauliflower can be served in place of potatoes but that doesn’t mean they’re like potatoes, kind of like spaghetti squash can be used where you might use spaghetti. They’re good, but they’re not potatoes. A good compromise is a mix. I make a vegan version of shepherd’s pie (may be behind paywall) topped with a mashed mix of half potatoes and half cauliflower and it is basically a lighter version of mashed potatoes.
Agreed. Your level of disappointment will be proportional to how closely you expect it to taste like mashed potatoes. It won’t taste like mashed potatoes, don’t expect it to be mashed potatoes.
It’s an entirely different dish that looks like mashed potatoes.
That doesn’t mean it’s awful or worthless, or belongs in the garbage, it just isn’t mashed potatoes.
LSLGuy speaks Truth.
I started low carb (20 g tops per day) on 1/1/2020 and have been very strict. The way my head operates, cheating with real potatoes, or whatever, would present me with challenges beyond the physiological reality of a rogue load of carbs. I find it much easier to stick to if I go whole hog (keto reference) rather than even 99% hog. Your kilometerage may vary.
The list of foods I have not had a taste of in over a year is extensive, but it includes potatoes, rice, bread in any form, cake, pie, candy, donuts, pasta, fruit, nuts, pizza, milk, muffins, alcohol, cookies, cereal, etc.
By the way, I am down 85 lbs and below 200 for the first time in 30 years or so. My promise to myself is to never see 200+ again.
As to the cauliflower, I’ve used riced cauliflower to make stuffed green peppers once. They were very tasty and, if I didn’t know better, I never would have know that I was not eating rice unless told so.
Best of luck, Nars!
And pass the cheese.
mmm
ETA: In the interest of full disclosure I guess I should add that, as of 1/1/21, I’ve allowed myself an occasional “low carb” tortilla wrap. I know nobody cares, but it didn’t feel right to not mention that. 
Thanks for the words of wisdom and encouragement MMM. What you’ve done is almost exactly what I’m trying to do and how I’m trying to do it.
As you probably gathered, my approach was real close to MMM’s. With similarly dramatic results.
For me the first couple weeks were easy. I had Religion! The next couple months were semi-drugdery at mealtime. But between exercise and diet and quickly dropping weight, blood sugar, and A1C, while gaining energy and vitality, there was plenty of positive feedback to make the drudgery more than worthwhile.
Then it got progressively easier. Truly by 6 months the change was forever. No drudgery at all. Occasional inconvenience, like needing to buy 2 sandwiches because I’m not eating any of the bread and one breadless sandwich is just a snack-sized portion.
One thing you quickly learn is which restaurants & eateries are selling carbs disguised as food and which are selling food with carbs alongside.
I was never somebody who respected people who issue lots of special requests along with their meal order. But I got over that. Put my sandwich or burrito in a bowl. Leave the salad dressing on the side. (Most commercial salad dressings are more sugar than anything else; be careful!). What can I sub for the rice / potato / toast? There’s lots of ways to do that that aren’t a PITA long-term and don’t strain the cook.
I’d say a 7 or an 8. I’ve had cauliflower as a substitute for pizza crust and several other things, and I’ve consistently been disappointed. Having said that, I also have to add that I don’t like the vegetable even as a stand alone side dish. It looks like broccoli with leukemia, and it tastes pretty much like it, too.
I love cauliflower, and I’m only so-so on potatoes. But if I took a bite of something expecting mashed potatoes and it was actually cauliflower, I think I’d be disappointed. Or at least startled.
If you love mashed potatoes and are hoping for mashed potatoes, I think you’ll be pretty disappointed. Honestly, I’d pick something else to the be sides. Something that doesn’t come with expectations of tasting and feeling like a high-carb food.