(or Franken-shteen, if you prefer.)
Ok, it’s time to build the perfect beast once again. I got a call this morning from Dr. Victor Frankenstein, and he’s interested in renewing his old reviving-the-dead work from way back when.
“Sounds super,” I said. “Gonna dig up more cadavers? Good time for it, unfortunately. More people dying now than died in your time, you know.”
“Oh, I know,” he replied with an imperceptible nod of his head. (I couldn’t see him nod, of course, since I was on the phone. But later he told he he nodded imperceptibly.) “But I’m not so interested in cadavers as I am in making the Perfect Celebrity!”
“Perfect Celebrity!” I cried, aghast, agog, and agape. “Could such a creature exist?”
“Well, here’s the problem,” said the good doctor. “While there are plenty of dead celebrities to choose from, I want parts from the live ones. And not just any lives ones, mind you. I want the parts that come from celebrities that are identified by those parts.”
“Ohhhhhhh!” I said in a sudden epiphany. “I get it! No, wait, that’s just indigestion. Please, sir doctor, explicate the situation.”
"As an example, Dustin Hoffman has a big nose. People say to their friends and enemies, “Man, you’ve got a nose like Dustin Hoffman!’ You see what I mean?”
“Yeah! Like Jack Nicholson’s mouth? Or Sam Donaldson’s eyebrows?”
“Precisely! Now, I’ll need all parts. Eyes, nose, ear, mouth, face, head, arms, legs, torso, sex organs, feet, what have you. All of it. I need to cull a list of these celebs, and then I’ll send my faithful assistant Bob to fetch them.”
“Bob??!??!?!?”
“Yes, Bob. Everyone’s so damn PC nowadays…”
Ok, there you have it. We need to help the doctor! So let’s name celebrities who are known (in addition to actual talent, I suppose) by their parts. The above (Dustin Hoffman, Jack Nicholson, Sam Donaldson) are three good examples.
Have at it! The doctor needs our help!
