I married–late, no children–and still changed my name to my husband’s. Hey, I thought we were forging a new unit and I was so frazzled by the whole process actual names fell victim to tradition. I went for the default. Big mistake, as it turned out, though I’m not sure that applies when children are involved. The “simple” fact of naming has power, emotionally and legally.
It’s taken for bloody EVER to get just property and stuff. switched back into “my” name. I say “my” because it isn’t so much a deeply emotional attachment to my father’s name as much as what I grew up with. (Or used to.) Maybe it should be a big, hairy political statement but it took forever to get the knack of signing “my” new name. The automatic hand-brain-heart thing just didn’t shunt aside that easily. It was a total erasure instead of a tack-on.
I’m a total wash-out for genealogical stuff but the Spanish (?) system of “y-something” strikes me as more graceful and complete–if I have it right, which is doubtful. Something that builds in the mother’s name into the mix?
Traditionally in Vietnamese culture, women do not change their last names. My mom, aunts, and grandmothers all kept their own names, and I intend on keeping mine when I get married.
Traditionally, children take the father’s name. I’ve never bothered asking why, but I’m sure it has to do with males being thought of as the dominant sex.
I kept my last name because I like it. I like it a great deal more than my first name, and there have always been people who called me by my last name. I also call my husband by his last name (as does everyone else), so taking it would have been odd.
If I disliked my last name and liked his, I would have changed it. Kids will probably have his last name, but I may sneak mine in as a middle name (not hyphenated)
The neatest couple I ever met go to my parents’ church. They both hyphenated at the time of marriage, so that not only did she go from being Wife to Wife-Husband, he did too. His legal name is Wife-Husband. And you should hear the wry comments he makes about the paper-pushing on THAT decision. So are the kids hyphenated? Yup. But as mentioned in an earlier post, it’s a team name.
My situation is similar. I’m not really crazy about my last name, but I like it better than my husband’s, so I never really considered changing. I also feel, as other posters have said, that it makes no more sense for me to take my husband’s name than it would for him to take mine!
My kids do have my husband’s last name; it just seemed the easiest way to go. But I did, as you say, sneak my last name in as my oldest son’s middle name, no hyphen. My sister had done this, and it seemed like a good compromise.
I plan on changing my name when the SO and I get hitched. There’s nothing wrong with my birth name - it’s served me perfectly well all my life - but I LOVE his name and I’m excited about taking it as my own.
I’m in my thirties, have an established career, and we have no intention of having children, but changing my name will be a personal symbol for a good and postive life change. The SO is fine with keeping the name/changing the name/any permutation of the above.
My SO and I, when we get married, will be taking a hyphenated De novo name: Her mom’s maiden name, and my grandmother’s maiden name. I have my mother’s blessing, and my SO will have HER mother’s blessing (as soon as we tell her). As for our dads, hers won’t care (she has no contact with him), and mine will have an apoplectic fit that will likely lead to an anuerysm of some kind. That is, IF he survives the revelation that his daughter is marrying another girl. Which he probably won’t. So on the name thing, I’m pretty much in the clear.
I took my husbaand’s name, never really occured to me not to at age 21. Divorced him 12 years later and went back to my family name. Hated the paperwork, but vowed I’d never do it again. But when I married Drachillix last year, I went through the whole big mess because I wanted to be his family----mine was not pleased at my re-marriage and pretty much snubbed us both. I felt like we needed to be a united front if it was going to be him and me against the world.
We’re kicking it’s ass, too.
I was adopted by my step-dad when I was 12 and we had the most horrible relationship. Couple that with the fact that I hated his surname, I couldn’t wait to change it when I got married. Fast forward to age 25 and consummate bliss, the burgeoning feminist decides, although I understood the ramifications of giving up that part of my identity (but sadly, not completely), to change to hubby’s.
Now, my dad and I have the most wonderful relationship we could possibly have and I’d have LOVED to have had the foresight to have kept it and hyphenated (especially with dad’s advanced age and all), but it would seem unnatural and awkward to change it at this point. And the really cool thing I missed out on is, the SO couldn’t have care either way and been totally support of hyphenation (of just mine or both) or making up a whole new name. I feel like fumbled a great opportunity.
However, I suppose there will be time for further consideration if we ever decide to overcome all our obstacles and have children. You know, still honor dad and my name. Hmmmm, food for thought.
I did not want to become a German-By-Marriage, I mean, why should I when my maiden ( isn’t that an archaic term?) means God in latin.
How cool is that?
Either way, both are one syllable. Both no one can pronounce. Both have to be spelled every freakin’ time. I cannot imagine what it would be like to have a long polish name, but I can dream, can’t I?
However, I would flush both names down the toilet in a heartbeat to have a two syllable last name and I’ve informed My Reason For Living that should he die or be kidnapped by aliens I am ditching our name to something infinitely cooler.
He has informed me that he is planning to outlive me and is too fat to be kidnapped, though he wouldn’t turn down being their sex slave for a day or three.
I took my husband’s last name when we married, even though I was in my late 20’s. To me, that symbolizes that we are, indeed, a unit and will be so permanently. Also, unlike Elysian, I have great in-laws and love being a part of their family.
That being said, I think it’s an individual decision. Names can mean different things to different people.
My mom took my dad’s name. My grandmas both took my grandpas’ names.
I took my husbands name happily. I love my husband, I love my maiden name, and I love my NEW last name. As a tribute to my maiden name, I’ll probably name one of my kids with it. Anyway, I don’t look down on keeping your own name or hyphenating, but personally there was never any question in my mind about changing the name.
I did the change as soon as all the paperwork was ready. And as far as it being a big mess to change names, it wasn’t a problem or a mess for me at all. Took my marriage license and drivers license to the social security office to get my new social security card, then I took my paper from social security and my marriage license to the license bureau and had a new license with my new last name printed.
No problem at all…
I don’t even imagine that I’ll ever get divorced, but if the situation arose, I’d keep the new last name, because that’s what most people would know me as.
What happens when two hyphenated surnames marry? Suppose John Smith marries Jane Doe and they have a son, Johnny Doe-Smith. And George Washington marries Martha Custis and they have a daughter, Mary Custis-Washington. Now Mary and Johnny get together and have a son, Robert. Is his name going to be Robert Custis-Washington-Doe-Smith?
I was already past my 30th birthday. Kinda late in the game to be changing my handle.
Why should I change my identity? I’m the same person after saying “I do” that I was before, so what’s the point?
My dad, an only son, died the day George and I met. My brother, also an only son, didn’t have any kids of his own yet we Geo & I married. I hated the thought of my family name just “dying out.”
My surname is “Marvel.” Nuff said.
Truth be told, I’ve gotten a bit iritated with some folks who’ve asked me about keeping my last name becuase their tone suggests I’ve done something “wrong” or “unnatural,” which I find odd since this practice has been going on since before I was born (1969).
What really is a newer trend is the groom taking the bride’s name, not vice-versa. I’ve just read that Beez McKeever, the “prop diva” of my favorite now-canceled show “Mystery Science Theatre 3000,” got hitched and her hubby now has her name. My hubby has joked that he should’ve taken my last name because he likes comic books so much.
I decided not to take my husband’s name because it is Smith and his sister has the same first name as me. Not only that, but I have a more uncommon last name, but more common first name. Also, I am known at work by my maiden name. It was just easier to keep my own name than change it all the many places my name is recorded.
I think similarly to some others who have posted saying it is a more modern society where women want to keep thier own identity, not be assimilated into thier husband’s identity/name, so to speak. Not that the woman doesn’t want to share her life with her husband, but that she wants to continue to have her own separate identity along with the part that is attached to her husband.
I switched names because my maiden name was unspellable and unpronounceable for the majority of non-Germans. I was tired of spelling it. Tired of saying, “No! Z! As in zeeebra!”
Now I’m a “Carter.”
Julie Carter. If that isn’t the most boring name in the world, I don’t know what is.
I had a male teacher in highschool whose wife hyphenated her last name with his. And he did the same! They figured if it was going to be an equal partnership then they’re names should reflect it equally.
Besides, he thought it was realy cool – translated to English their hyphenated name was “Better-Lover.”
For me the changing of a woman’s name goes back to the archaic notion that women are chattel, much the same as slaves were given the master’s last name to denote ownership. My present wife had the same last name for 45 years when we married. It’s a respectable name with a definite ethnicity attached and there is no reason on earth why she or I would want to change it. The few confusions that it has caused are minor blips on the screen.
I kept my own name even though my husband’s name is waaaay cool, for a few reasons:
The feminist reasons, which mostly boil down to “Why should I change it?” … wait for decent answer … tap foot, check watch … keep waiting …
And also because I just can’t be bothered - not only a new signature (I worked hard on my signature ! It took two whole “Biological Foundations of Behaviour” lectures in undergrad to perfect it !), but also calling the banks, the credit card companies, etc to let them know, and so on.
My husband is from a different culture and I’m sure that when we go to his country I will be known as Mrs HusbandsName, which is fine by me (since I’m certain I won’t be able to do a thing about it), so I’d like to be Ms Myname while I’m here.
They’re both equally hard to spell, so that doesn’t really affect anything.
I like the convention of naming kids both names, with one being a kind of middle name/spare last name kind of thing, as in Kid Momname Dadname, leaving it up to the kid when/whether to include the spare one. A good friend of mine does it that way and it sounds classy, she puts the full thing on official documents and degrees and publications and stuff, and the first/last are for everyday use.
I don’t agree with taking a name just because you’re married, either.
My mother got married, kept her maiden name, had a baby (me!) and got divorced. She married again, and took her second husband’s name. I really regret that she didn’t change my last name, either to her maiden name or her second husband’s name. I feel like the odd one out in our house because my parents have a different last name than I do. I also hate my last name, and I think my parents’ name is pretty. I would change it if I had the money, but I don’t.
When I get married, I am changing my name immediately. Probably before the wedding to get a jump on things. I’m also adding a middle name, because it’s free and most people have one.
I wish I had the money to do it before I graduate college, so I don’t have my ugly last name and lack of a middle inital on my diploma.
