Usually when a couple gets married the woman takes on the husbands last name. But I noticed a trend lately that women are hypenating their name (e.g, Baker-Smith)instead of just taking on the husbands name. What is the purpose of this? Why not just take the husbands name and be done with it? Is there a phobia that the marriage won’t work out and therefore you would want to maintain your maiden name also?
When I got divorced I kept my married name. Is this no longer common?
Why would you want to keep your ex-husband’s name?
Don’t get me wrong – you may have a great reason for doing so. I know I kept mine because of my son’s request but I’m ditching it now (it’s just not appropriate any longer).
I guess I’m puzzled why you would think it would be common to keep an ex-husband’s name. And I’m also puzzled why you think keeping your maiden name after marriage means you think the marriage won’t work out.
Sounds like you are doing some incredible leaps with your logic and I’m not following you.
Why would you want to keep your ex-husband’s name?
-----First of all I have 5 children and I wanted to keep the same last name as them. Second I have written 2 books and have numerous poems written under my married name
Don’t get me wrong – you may have a great reason for doing so. I know I kept mine because of my son’s request but I’m ditching it now (it’s just not appropriate any longer).
-------How old is your son now?
I guess I’m puzzled why you would think it would be common to keep an ex-husband’s name.
----I guess I just know a lot of people that have
And I’m also puzzled why you think keeping your maiden name after marriage means you think the marriage won’t work out.
—That’s what I am asking. I don’t have a clue why
One of the reasons is that a lot of women are marrying later than previous generations. By the time they’re in their late 20’s or 30’s, many women have established a name for themselves in their career or field - published scientific papers for example. Changing names might uncomfortably break that continuity. Hyphenation makes a transition more transparent. Keeping their maiden name makes it simpler yet.
Keeping one’s maiden name hardly indicates a feeling that the marriage won’t work out. I believe it’s more along the lines of not wanting only to be know as Mrs. Husband’sName. You’ve got your own identity, and though you’re married, you’re not being somehow fundamentally redefined any more than your husband is. He doesn’t change his name to reflect the new status; why should the woman?
Some women feel that it’s important to show the change in status by changing their name, some don’t, some go a middle ground.
Actually, I’ve noticed that many women aren’t even hyphenating anymore, just staying with their own names. I recently got married and agreed to change my name to my husband’s (that still feels so weird. Husband.), but I haven’t gotten around to it yet. I’m feeling a little sentimental about it and am having kind of a hard time giving it up. I think I’m going to wait until we have kids, that way it’ll be more of a team name. Giving up your name for a new one is not easy for a lot of people. It’s been hanging around at the end of my name for so long, and there’s really nothing wrong with it. It’s a perfectly good last name that has served me well. It seems wasteful, almost. I think it boils down to personal preference and not a fear of failed marriage, feminazi-ism, or anything else.
My husband’s mother kept her married name after the divorce, got remarried, took her new husband’s name, got divorced from him and went back to her original married name. I asked why she didn’t go back to her maiden name and she said she’d had her first married name for so long (longer than her maiden name, actually) that it just felt more normal. Besides, it was how everyone knew her and she felt no need to add confusion.
Well, there you are. Maybe these women have publications under their maiden name, or professional contacts who know them by that name. Hyphenation sounds like a reasonable compromise if you want to take your husband’s name, but still want to be identified with the professional reputation built up under your maiden name.
Personally, I can’t imagine changing my name at all – it would be too weird learning to think of myself as somebody with a different name, and besides, the paperwork sounds like a nightmare.
Yep, that’s another reason I’m avoiding it. I can’t even imagine how many documents and stuff have my name on it. Ugh.
I kept my ex-husband’s name at the request of my older son, and mostly because it just wasn’t that big of a deal to me. But now he’s 22, and it’s just not appropriate any longer for me to have that last name.
I think what drives the decision to go back to a maiden name or not in the case of divorce is whether the divorce is amiable and are whether there are dependent children involved. Most of the women I know who do keep their former husband’s last name do so for the children.
When my mother got divorced from my father she kept his name simply to have the same name as me. After she remarried and divorced again she decided to go to her maiden name. I was already 18 and neither of us had any contact with my father.
I’m getting married in April. I originally wanted to keep my name since I can’t imagine being any one else and Iranian women don’t change to their husband’s name*. But his family didn’t seem to like that idea much and my mother brought up a good point in that I don’t have any ties to my father’s family so there really is no reason in keeping his family name.
*The only reason my mother changed her name in the first place was because my father told her it was American law. She didn’t know that this was not true at the time.
I changed my name to my husband’s the minute I was able to get a copy of our marriage certificate. But I love my husband and the future we are building together and I hate my father and the past he made me endure. Even if my husband and I divorced someday I would not take back my maiden name.
My mother kept her married name after the divorce because it never occurred to her to change it back.
I have friends who have taken back their maiden names after divorces to help reestablish their identities as individuals and not parts of couples.
Some people feel very strongly about what taking (or not) someone’s last name signifies and there have been more than a few debates about this issue in the past. As stated if a woman has a career based in any way on name recognition before the marriage she would want to retain her name afterwards. Sometimes couples make up a brand new name that both of them take. We might have done that if we were more creative 
I’m not sure what you mean by recently noticing the hyphenation thing as I’ve known people who did that over 20 years ago. Hardly an old custom by now but not that recent either. I would hope that if people felt the marriage was doomed to failure they would not get married!
I kept my birth name when I got married. It’s mine and it had already been working fine for me for 23 years. I see no reason to change my name (last OR first) at marriage any more than I would have expected Mr. S to change his. It was never even an issue:
Me: By the way, I’m going to keep my name when we get married.
Him: OK, cool. Hey, wanna go to a movie tonight?
What I call myself has no bearing on how much I love my husband (more than words can say), or whether I think our marriage will fail (absolutely not). I had no career or any other external reason to keep or change my name.
I kept my maiden name because IT’S MY NAME, DAMNIT! The name change thing JUST because you’re married is stupid. My son’s name is hyphenated to reflect both his parent’s names. You can have a united front and live a long and happy life with separate names. That said, I use my husband’s last name on my credit card…he’s a little older and it was something he wanted to do. I’m going to change it soon. It’s just too goofy.
My husband’s ex (who is my best friend) kept my husband’s name. Go figure.
The wife always refers to herself as Mrs Retief, even though on her passport/drivers liscence and cedula (ID) she is identified by her maiden name. I have been after her since we got married 40 years ago to hypenate her names, but she is stubborn (she can give donkeys lessons), even though it causes her trouble cashing checks etc. I think it is her way of stating emphatically that we are a (married) unit.
My daughter-in-law on the other hand, insists on using her married name at all times, and even hypenates grandsons name at every opportunity. Go figure.
Retief
Oops … Read that “My daughter-in-law on the other hand, insists on using her maiden name at all times”
When will I learn to Preview?
Retief
I hyphenated my last name when I got married, and now I wish I hadn’t! I am going to change my name back to my maiden name ASAP!!!
I bowed to pressure from my parents and my husband. I wanted to keep my maiden name, but I compromised and hyphenated. Now I realized that I made a mistake and now I’m changing it back.
I didn’t want my husband’s name because I detest his family. I did not marry his family. I am not one of them, and I refuse to be a Mrs. Husband. That sucks rocks.
I am me, I am not an adjunct to my husband and his family! I’m keeping the name I was born with! I did not become a new person after marriage!
This custom goes back to the women-ownership so common a hundred or so years ago. I am NOT owned. I am NOT an extension.
Me and my husband are equal partners. I don’t have to explain how much I love him, after all, I married him, didn’t I?
FYI, we have been together for six years, and will be together for another seventy or so. Doomed to fail? Whatever.
I think the issue of what to name kids in this situation is even more interesting. Lots of people have mentioned hyphenating the kids names, but that seems cumbersome. I decided to keep my maiden name - for lots of reasons, not least of which was the fact that my brother and I are the last of our line (he’s not having kids). But it makes sense to me that our kids should have my husband’s last name. Probably odd, but there you go. They are an extension of his clan, his family - which I have happily married into.
They’re an extension of BOTH your clans, Figimingle. Seeing that you’re the last (before your kids), I’d think you’d give them your name.
Yeah, but I’m too much the geneologist, Kalhoun. I know they’re an extension of both our clans, which makes me very happy, but I’ve gotten really used to patrilineal naming. Giving them a new hyphenated name would be the same as my husband and I having created a name de novo - it creates a new clan, but doesn’t really extend the old ones.
JuanitaTech kept her last name for the same reason Kalhoun (whom I just love) kept hers. It’s mine. Why would I change it? Because everyone else does? Eh, I don’t think so.
My sons all have their dad’s last name.
Mr Figimingle here. Just FYI… Figimingle married INTO clan Kalhoun/Kahloun/Colquhoun… 