Here I am, 29 and not even in a significant relationship. :o
I am thinking of marriage with in the next 5 years, sooner than later, and I have wondered if my “WIFE” will be one of those women who wishes to keep her name. :mad:
Why do some women NOT change their last name (or add it actually)? I want a valid argument, so that I may research it and possibly counter it in the future… along with prenups. 
Because your name is your identity. The one you’ve had your entire life, and one you may not be willing to alter simply because your status has changed from “single” to “married.” It effects who you are and who you understand yourself to be in a very fundamental way.
Because sometimes a woman is an only child, or part of a family with only female children, and she wants to ensure that her family name continues into another generation.
Because it subsumes your identity to that of your husband. For example, check out CrazyCatLady’s thread about a friend of hers who insists on addressing correspondence to “Mrs. Dr. CatLady”.
Because many women are professionals who are known by their given names, and to change that name could confuse their clients, associates, readership, what-have-you. To change your name in any profession means risking that many people will lose track of you entirely, think you’ve left the company, or (if they meet you after your name change), have no idea that your previous work was done under a different name. Awards you’ve won, articles you’ve published, anything at all that you have created won’t turn up in research about you under your new name.
Because it’s an absolute PAIN in the ass. Try filling out a bazillion forms at Social Security, the Department of Motor Vehicles, the bank, your credit cards, your insurance, your benefits, Payroll at work, getting your email address changed an letting everyone know, your frequent flyer and other loyalty accounts, and having to tote around your birth certificate, marriage license and old forms of ID with you to each one. And each one takes two hours at minimum, and those hours are always between 8 am and 5 pm when (surprise!) most of us have to work. Booking travel before your name changes and then trying to travel after the change is difficult.
From the tone of your OP, I’d bet that you would never consider changing your last name to your wife’s if you get married. Ask yourself: why not? Is there more to your unwillingness than simple tradition? And if tradition is your only reason, why is that a good one?
By the way, I am married and I did change my name. But I thought long and hard about it, and completely respect any woman’s decision about her name, whether it changes or not.
Hi Red Matrix.
I can only speak for myself, as there are many reasons why someone (whether male or female) would change, not change, or modify their surname when marrying.
I didn’t change my surname for the simple reason that there were no compelling reasons (to me) to change it, IMO. Not one person could ever gave me a reason that made me feel that I should take the proactive process of changing my name.
So if your future wife feels the way I do, you’ll have to argue the reasons why she should change it, not argue against her reasons. Why do you want her to have your name ? How important is it to you ? Would you take her name, and if not, why do you expect her to take yours ? Why the angry face at the thought of an unknown future possible spouses perhaps wishing to keep her name ?
If it is so " :mad: " important to you that your wife have the same name as you, perhaps you should restrict your dating to women who already have it.
On the other hand, perhaps you could base your spousal criteria on what kind of person she is and let her choice of name be her decision.
Any man who tried to force or cajole me into changing my name against my will would quickly be left by the wayside. My reasoning for keeping my name at marriage was the same as Goo’s. My husband rather likes the fact that I did.
I’m getting married soon (yay!) and I’m going to keep my last name. We won’t have any children and there’s just no compelling reason to change it. My fiance is ok with this.
But he wants to change the dogs’ last names to his.
I can’t answer for keeping the last name specifically but the women I’ve met with hypenated last names always seemed a little, erm, militant.
<hole digging>
These women (of which I know of about 4 or 5) seemed to be saying to the world that they were ‘independant, dammit! and won’t be a tool of The Man!’
</hole digging>
How it came across however, was that they were insecure.
Flame on, I’m just recalling personal perception.
My name’s Janelle Irish. I go by simply Irish. Lots of people don’t even know my first name. My dad had only sisters, and had only daughters, so my last name dies with me. I don’t ever, EVER want to be referred to as “Mrs. Cody Mauer.” I want to keep my own identiry, thankyou.
Plus, I’ll be marrying one Cody Mauer (MOW-er. Not meu-ER or MEI-er). No one can spell it correctly (there are 3 or 4 spellings of his pronuciation), and a lot of people can’t pronounce it without pausing. Anyone who can’t spell/pronounce Irish is a MORON.
Also, what sounds better:
Janelle Margrete Irish
Janelle Margrete Mauer
Cody Patrick Mauer
Cody Patrick Irish
And, my future daughter(if I ever have one)'s name:
Laylah Moon Irish
Laylah Moon Mauer
Guy butting in here, there is an assumption here that if anyone changes curnames it is the female partner. Why? I am quite happy to drop my own surname and take up that of my SO. And probably will.
Beadalin, you make a lot of valid points. Your arguments have merit. I especially agree with
This happens in reverse sometimes, where a woman is well known by her husband’s last name and when divorced, keep it for name recognition. Good Point. 
Okay. But the children get to have the dad’s last name correct? -or only the males? I’m half kidding here, since I don’t know any couples/families that didn’t do the name change.
If a woman was just trying to be feminist and keep her last name, i would argue that it was actually her dad’s last name, and she should change her last name to her mom’s last name. But wait, her mom’s last name was her maternal grandfather’s last name…etc.
And you are correct, I wouldn’t even consider to change my last name. Tradition is not just tradition, biblically speaking. The family should be referenced by the name of the appointed head of the household. In Judeao Christian terms, the man is thus appointed, 2nd only to the Son of God.
Well, if you want to know… i’ve had 2 girlfriends that have overpowered me with sheer (and 98% selfish) stuborness, and this type frightens me.
I guess I could retract my OP. Having the spouce take my name isn’t as important as the children (if any). As an aside, I am an only child, and my father an only son, so the name stops with me if I have no children.
Scarlett67,
If i was in fact obsessed with the name, I would truly follow your suggestion of marrying same names. I am not. 
Wow, :smack: I didn’t realize how much of an impact the “:mad:” icon would receive.
Thanks for holding back any red herrings, while still sharing your very welcomed opinions, ladys and gents!
AnimistDragon, Your argument and circumstances are awesome. I agree, Laylah Moon Irish sounds gooder. i know, bad grammar
-Dave, uhm, Red Matrix
Families vary when it comes to the children’s names. I know families who gave the kids the mom’s last name (for different reasons: the name was dying out; the father’s name was more difficult to spell) and families who did the dread hyphenated.
Feminists have addressed this issue, and I believe that a few women have taken their mother’s first names as their last names. But regardless of whether or not a last name is a patriarchal leftover, it is also a woman’s own name. From birth, it is what she is called.
This reasoning is valid only if one believes both that a) the family must be referenced by the name of the head of the household, and b) the husband and father is indeed this rightful head. If a couple does not hold these beliefs, they are not bound to them. If one person does and one doesn’t, they just plain shouldn’t be getting married!
Don’t retract your OP. It’s interesting.
After much soul-searching, I took my husband’s last name when we married. He was much more ambivalent about it than I was. It finally came down to the fact that I want my husband, our (future) kids and I all to have the same last name.
However, I can completely understand why a woman would keep her own last name. Imagine, if you will, Red Matrix, that the Powers That Be decided that your first name was no longer Red. From henceforth, you would be known as Puce Matrix. It would be more than a little disconcerting, no?
And I did consider the professional implications of changing my name. I decided that it would be much easier for me to change it now, while I’m starting out in my career, then later, once I’ve “made a name for myself,” if you will. But if I had already been well established in my field, I probably would have kept my maiden name, for the reasons that Beadalin outlines so well.
Preach it, sister. I spent three and a half hours at the DMV on Monday changing my license. It is indeed a HUGE pain in the rear.
I took my husband’s surname when we married. I came to the conclusion that my own surname wasn’t one I felt particularly attached to. It belonged to the father who deserted the family (I have 2 older siblings) when I was about 3 months old. I never saw much of him when I was growing up.
When we married, he was invited to attend but declined, via my older sister, saying that he wasn’t going to attend unless he was ‘giving me away’. He had nothing to ‘give me away’ from - no real relationship, a family that he was no part of, and a home that he had not contributed to. Why would I want to keep his name? I was still only 22, so having ‘made a name’ for myself wasn’t really an issue. The paperwork here didn’t seem particularly complicated, and I was quite happy to let everybody know that I had married my soulmate. Maybe the people who feel more attached to their ‘own’ names have happier associations with all that the name represents. I certainly didn’t take his surname to confirm any notion of his being ‘head of the household’. It’s a nice surname - unusual, and it sounds good with my first name - and that’s the name that I really feel identifies who I am far more than any surname.
No need to retract, your opinions on this are as valid as anyone elses. And your and your future spouse’s opinions are the only ones that will matter to you personally. If you were just throwing the questions out, looking for other views, there’s no need to retract a thing.
I don’t overpower my partner at all. I have what I consider to be a fairly equal partnership. I know many women who have the same, but happened to change their surnames. The surname doesn’t determine the stubbornness of the woman, nor does it signify the equality of the partnership. The stubbornness of the woman exists outside of any surname preference, wouldn’t you agree ?
As I don’t believe in your god, nor am I having children, both of the reasons that you state as important to you for having the same surname as your wife are irrelevant to me. That’s fine, as your reasons only have to be relevant to you… just don’t expect those same things to be important to all people, IYKWIM.
Gosh, I had absolutely no problems when I changed my name…but I was just out of college and we moved to a new state with new banks and everything.
But everyone knows not to go to the DMV on a Monday!
My sister-in-law kept her name when she and my brother married, and while I understand all her reasons about professional identity, a lot of her colleagues change their names when they marry and nothing bad happens to them…sure it takes a while to get used to, but people adapt. Sometimes (and I know this is unfair to say, but sometimes I just get this feeling) I feel that she isn’t as happy with the role of wife as she is of teacher. Now she’s a great mom, and a wonderful wife to my brother, but she is also a stubborn and independent woman, and sometimes it seems as if she is saying " I’ll do all this, but you can’t make me enjoy it! I know that’s unfair, but the whole name thing gets a bit militant.
While my name is part of my identity, I am so much more than a mere name, and since I was taking on a new role when I married, a new name seems appropriate. I never once considered keeping my maiden name. I like the family feel of a name… the togetherness of it. With my brother and sister-in-law and their kids (who have my brother’s name), the awkwardness of introductions and addressing things to them makes it seem like she is the odd-man-out (Hi! We’re the A’s, and a B)
My kids wanted me to go back to my maiden name when I divorced, but this is me, now, and that other name was from another me. But if I am fortunate enough to remarry, I’ll gladly take his name, even this late in life. To me it signifies a commitment to a partnership and coupledom. And besides, maybe AOL won’t know that they banned me for life if I get a new name! And I have no professional glory to keep.
I’m single, never married, so never had to decide. In my younger days I might well have followed tradition and taken my husband’s name. Now, I’d keep my own. It’s me, it’s who I am, who I’m known as. Any man who couldn’t accept that isn’t the kind of guy I’d want to share my life with.
I must confess that when I meet a couple where the wife’s hyphenated both names and the husband’s kept just his, my first thought isn’t to admire what an equal-partners marriage it is.
As I am single, I am a long way from deciding on that issue. However, my exboyfriend and I were very serious at a point, and I knew then if we married I would not take his name. Why? He came from a broken home and a father who never really fathered. I come from a wonderful, strong family who care for me deeply, and whom are involved supportively in my life. If anyone was going to change thier name, it should have been him. Why should I do the honor of taking someone’s name who has never done anything to deserve it? And I have never found biblical quotes to be the slightest bit of proof. I don’t believe in the bible. Any other solid reasons?
After years of following others’ rules, miles of paperwork and aggravation, I took back my maiden name.
Period. Dot.
Present spouse said he wanted a friend and a partner, not a title to a used vehicle.
Besides, there are a couple of females from his past that use his name, not for kids’ sake, or recognition, and they swear they dislike him.
does not compute
I like him, and want to keep it that way.
Maiden name, it is.
I kept my name when I married. The last name I carry has no familiar attachments – married or otherwise. It’s a name I picked for myself; I saw no reason to change it just because I got married. I would not have married anyone who would not have understood.
Yeah, almost as insecure as a man who insists that his wife take his last name.
But what if she’s an only child and the name would stop with her if she didn’t have kids?
Personally, I’m looking forward to the day when I will take my the name of my beautiful man, I’ll be so bloody proud.