As you may or may not know, I am getting married in September. We’re thinking about going out of the country for the honeymoon (London, preferably, but we have to see if we can afford it.) I’m concerned about getting the passport - who’s name do I get it in?
So, the important part: If you’re a married person who changed your last name to match that of your spouse, did you do it right after the ceremony, or after the honeymoon, or later? Why? If you don’t mind sharing.
[sub]I thought since this was kind of a poll that it should go here in IMHO. If I’m wrong, then kick it around the forums as you like.[/sub]
I will be married in two weeks and am dealing with the same stuff.
I’ve already changed my name on a few things - phone listing, email address, the little sticker thingies on our mailbox - irrelevant stuff, and I have time on my hands now that I can do it.
Our plane tickets are listed in my current last name, since my driver’s license has that name, and it’s a HUGE hassle to try to work around that.
As soon as we’re back, I’ll go to the Social Security office and the DMV to change those records. It will take several days for the marriage license to be issued and sent to us, since we’re getting married out of the state where we live, plus, we’ll be on honeymoon.
I will, however, start USING my new last name immediately after I get my smooch at the altar.
If I recall correctly, you need a certificate proving a legal name change to change your passport and drivers license. Since you are not married yet, you won’t have the paperwork. Without legal paperwork, anyone could claim to be getting married in order to get a false name on their passport.
My father in law purchased our honeymoon flight tickets (London actually) when we were married two years ago. They were in my new name. Never thought about it as I never saw the tickets until I was at the gate.
I had NOTHING that the airlines would accept as valid proof. Eventually, the confetti in my hair and the wedding type stuff in my bag made them feel sorry for me and they let me on. I was this close from missing my flight.
Now, post 9-11, I don’t think they will budge at all, ID wise.
IMO, it’s not worth the hassle. A passport is good for ten years. change the name when you get back.
however, it’s like Smashed Ice cream said: you can start using the new name whenever you want.
Personally, I use both names. I use my maiden name as an artist.
I’m getting married in two weeks too! (12 days to be exact) When’s your wedding day Smashed Ice Cream??
We’re getting married on a Wednesday so I’m going to go to the S.S. office and get my Social Security card changed and then go to the DMV and get my drivers license changed that Thursday or Friday. Instead of having our pastor mail in our marriage certificate I’m going to keep it and get all the name change stuff done and then I’ll just take it to the court house myself. That way when we leave for our honeymoon that Sunday I’ll have all my new IDs ready to go and won’t have to mess with it when we get back.
In your case, you’ll probably have to get your passport a few weeks in advance so you’ll have to use your current last name. You’d probably be better off to wait and get everything changed after you get back. You can still use your new last name, just not for your passport.
You might want to check with the SS office and DMV to be sure they will accept your marriage license. Even with all the signatures, the marriage generally isn’t official until the license is filed with the state/county. I had to have a certificate of marriage to make the necessary changes at both offices.
So why do most women change their names? I’m not trying to disparage anyone by any means, I just don’t fully understand why people do this.
I got married last July, and my wife kept her name. It would have seriously freaked me out if she would have wanted to change the only name I’ve ever known her as to something different. It was never even discussed, we both just knew all along that she’d keep her name. Plus, her first name with my last name would have sounded strange.
We’ve got married friends and siblings, and every single one of the women changed their names. We asked about it, and all none of them could really explain why - they just did it. I thought it was kind of strange to not have even thought about it.
So did any of you seriously NOT consider changing your names? Why did you decide to? I’m just curious.
I kept my maiden name for a long time. In fact, it wasn’t until recently that I used my married name.
This is mainly due to the fact that we are wanting to start a family and the idea of using a different last name than the rest of my family seems wrong, to me, somehow. It doesn’t seem to present a united front.
But, I still use it professionally. You should have heard them GASP at my office when they asked me what my new last name was going to be.
I said “XXXX”
they said “isn’t that your OLD name”
me “why looky here! indeed it is!”
you could have heard a pin drop.
I chalk it up to the fact that old traditions are heard to break.
Also, it has a lot to do with the men. None of the women I encountered seem to care. The men however…
My husband got constant questions as to “WHY” I wasn’t being a good wife (keeping my name).
I kept my maiden name when I married the first time (I’m widowed now), mostly because the names would have sounded really weird together - Cassie Sahsey.
I’m taking my new husbands name this time, partly because of tradition, partly because it’s a new life, partly because HIS dad’s name was Cas and it’s quite an honor for me to have his name, but mostly just because like BNB said, it’s a unification.
Of my circle of friends, there are 6 of us getting married this year. 4 of us are keeping their names, only two are changing. I did notice that here in the PacNW, it seems common to have married couples with different names or hyphenated names, which didn’t seem real common back in PA, where I’m from originally. I wonder if this is a regional thing.
I got married about 5 months ago, and I’m still working on changing my name. On my driver’s license, I now have 4 names – first, middle, maiden, and married. I’ve changed my credit card, ssn, and DL, but not my passport or bank account. It’s mostly because I’m lazy – I probably wouldn’t be this far if it weren’t for the fact that I got a new job and had to either use my maiden name or get new ID for the I-9 and everything.
DEFINITELY wait till after the wedding, and get your tickets in your maiden name. It’s not worth chancing missing your honeymoon. Everyone you meet will understand.
Best of luck! Oh, and if any of you want wedding advice from a newlywed, just let me know. I’ll gladly share.
First thing I have to say about this matter is that I never would have thought changing my name would be such a colossal pain in the ass. (BTW, I kept my maiden name as my middle name.)
What was easy: all utilities, most credit cards, car loan. All that was required for these was a phone call.
What was a pain in the ass: mortgage (the deed is still in my maiden name :o ), one credit card, school loans, bank accounts, investment accounts, social security, driver’s license. Granted, it’s a good thing these were hard to change, but sheez.
What you should have at hand: Copies of your marriage license! I recommend 2 official ones–one will be needed to be sent to SS, and the other you can keep on-tabs for things like the DMV, as well as making xeroxes to send to the pickier companies. It’s tricky–most you can’t do without the license, and still others require a copy of your new driver’s license and/or SS card. Definitely get those as soon as possible.
We went out of the country for our honeymoon, too (Jamaica); as it was something I needed beforehand, my passport was in my maiden name, as was all ID. I technically remained under my maiden name until about 6 weeks after the wedding; it just made things easier initially. The wedding was stressful enough with all of its responsibilities; I didn’t need this added in.
BTW, don’t assume your wedding coordinator orders copies of your license for you. If you don’t file with a check ($30 here in Calif.), then you won’t be getting one. We were waiting two months before we discovered there was nothing coming! Grrr.
Either change your name to his, or keep your maiden. Do NOT hyphenate. I did. What a complete and total pain in the ass. You never know where, alphabetically, you will be in the computer system at any given place. The hyphen screws up many computer systems. And now, I am widowed and stuck with this godforsaken hyphenated last name. Although, I note with some hope that Smashed Ice Cream is remarrying.
I kept my last name simply because I really really like it, and always have: I have friends who are pretty passive about their names, or who never really think about it, but I spent time as a child thinking “Hot damn, I lucked out in the last name department!”
Furthermore, my last name starts with an “A” and my husband’s starts with an 'F" and I am way to used to being first in line to ever take a demtion.
On the other hand, I waffled back and forth about changing/not changing my name until the day we actually got married, when i discovered i just couldn’t stand to actually do it.
As someone who was married almost a year ago, (in two more weeks!) who went overseas for my honeymoon, and who was also a travel agent at the time, I STRONGLY second (or third, or fourth…) everyone who said to worry about the name change when you return.
Getting names on tickets changed is horrendous (sometimes impossible, sometimes just very expensive) if they’ve already been issued, and you probably will have next to zero chance of getting on the plane if your ticket says one thing and your passport says another, especially after 9/11 as someone else pointed out. (this is how the Australian industry works, and I’m pretty sure the American one is very similar)
Passports can take a long time to get organised, so unless your honeymoon was scheduled for a month after the wedding, I wouldn’t book anything in your new surname, and even with a month to spare, I probably wouldn’t risk it. Make sure that your travel agent tells your hotel, etc that you are newlyweds, and mention it yourself (in a friendly way) when you check in. They quite often go a little bit extra for newlyweds, and you may get an upgrade, or other perks.
It’s not that big a deal, to organise it all afterwards, just prepare everything beforehand to minimise running around. It’s easiest to change everything at once, so figure out what needs changing first (usually the driver’s licence) and then you can use that as additional photo I.D proof, to compliment your wedding certificate, when changing everything else.
I have been told by many others to always have some form of credit in my maiden name. This being becuase if something happens and you revert to your old name (say in a worst case scenario, a divorce) you have no credit history under the old name. True? Or does that not matter.
I wanted to. All the other considerations are secondary to this one
He wanted me to. He’s a bit of a traditionalist, and I knew it meant a lot to him.
I intensely dislike hyphenated names. I consider them pretentious and cumbersome (sorry all you hyphenated people out there, but it’s MHO) so that was never an option. My husband feels the same way.
It’s traditional for the wife to take the husband’s surname. As always, I picked the traditions I wanted to honour, and this was one of them.
The way I figure it, someone has to give. Otherwise you run into all kinds of problems when you’re having kids. I think life is much easier if the teacher knows that Mrs Cazzle is Junior Cazzle’s mother, rather than Mrs Cazzle being Junior Smith’s mother. Many people are thrust into having a different surname to their kids by remarriage, and that’s one thing, but to start out with different names seems like an unneeded complication to me.
I still use my maiden name when posting to genealogy forums because I’ve spent three years leaving messages all over the internet about the family tree. I want to give respondants a chance to realise that it’s the same person, so I post as <Cazzle> <Maidenname> <Marriedname>. Eventually, I will probably shift this into real life, drop my real middle name and substitute with my maiden name. My middle name means nothing to me, my maiden name has more significance.
