I was apparently switching dreams with a teenager last night, because I had a pretty cool dream where I had superpowers, rescued models from a burning building, saved the world, and became rich. This may be the coolest dream ever, except I would have expected to have it 10 years ago when it would have really meant something to me.
Of course, some junior high schooler probably woke up somewhere wondering why he dreamt about tax-free municipal bonds or something.
Hmm, I dreamt that MrCynical burnt his penis while frying bacon in the nude! How bizarre is that? Like anyone would ever fry bacon nude!!!
that’s happened to me mully. dreamt that i was floating in a lake on a bed of straw and wood and fluffy things with pretty women fondling and caressing me. thought it was weird when at the last second some men in leather and armor with swords came bursting in and then i switched into superhero mode, arm shoots up out of lake, gives me sword, i fend off ugly men who disturbed my fondling and then i wake up to another dreary day of work. sucks for the kid dreaming about crossed cables, out of juice power supplies, smelly coworkers, and machinery and cabling towering over him by at least 10 stories.
Speaking of Mr. Cynical and his penis, I read yesterday that, according to the notes Ernest Hemingway entered into the screenplay of The Sun Also Rises, the famous wound that Jake suffered was having his penis shot off. (I’d always figured it was his balls.)
The New Yorker reports that this was “a common grievance during the First World War.”
Huh? What the fuck were they doing? Standing up at the edge of the trench and yelling “Hey, you stinking Boche!” and waving their dicks over at the snipers?
You ever saw ME in WWI, I’d be keeping it in my pants, believe you me.
ricochet Uke, bang zoom!
i’d keep it in my pants, and below ground.
I also like how the New York Times refers to it as a ‘grievance’, which makes it sound to me like a small aggravation being brought before a small claims court.
Now hearing the case of Johnny Yank vs. Jerry Boche, Mr. Yank is suing Mr. Boche for $300 in regards to having his wee-wee shot off during an altercation regarding the exact borders of their yeards…
Gets my vote for best sentence-starter ever. I think I’ll start all my conversataions this way for the rest of the day.
And maybe with a Bible over it.
Hey Mully - You ever have that dream where you’re standing in sort of sun-god-like robes and you’re surrounded by a thousand naked women who are screaming your name and throwing little pickles??
Why am I the only one who has that dream?
That would be a kevlar-bound Bible…right!
Sorry Trion, we both know that’s been done before. At least try to be original.
Now, back to the subject of dreams. Has anyone ever dreamed that their house blew away in a hurricane, and landed somewhere in color?
“You ever saw ME in WWI, I’d be keeping it in my pants, believe you me.”
—Not when you saw zee bee-outiful French tango girls, n’est pas? Oo-la-la! oui! oui!
—“Gaby Deslys, ze sweetheart of ze trenches”
Ahem.
My penis recommended you folks read this column
And here I was assuming Mr. Cynical typed with his fingers. You live and learn I guess.
The real question is, how does it sound as a band name?
This happened to me too . . . of course, being 20, I guess I’m still inclined to dreams like this, but . . .
I dreamed I was in the armed forces. Suddenly the call went out that we were being invaded by IMPERIAL WALKERS! So I put on my pilot suit and helmet, ran out into the bunker, and climbed into a HUGE walking robot (very much like Evangelion, if anybody watches that) and went out and kicked butt. I mean, totally kicked butt. Those walkers were lumbering along and I was using this robot to perform kung-fu attacks on them, flying kicks, and the like. Oh, and I had a really BIG laser gun that blew the walkers to bits.
Pretty cool, but I bet some poor kid was dreaming about spreadsheets.
– Sylence
I was wondering what all those screwy papers were doing in front of me, that was no dream it was a nightmare.