There is a news item today that the famous Virgin Mary grilled cheese sandwich is going on tour around the U.S. All I read was the headline, so I am left with all sorts of questions.
Will she be performing on the tour? Singing? Dancing? What other talents does she display? What is the name of her backup group? What kind of songs does she sing? Any specific songs come to mind?
Or is this a lecture tour? What are her speeches about?
What are the dangers of travelling as a grilled cheese sandwich on tour?
The Beach Boys’ “Gouda Vibrations”, Pearl Jam’s “Yellow Ledcheddar”, Iggy Pop’s “I Wanna Brie Your Dog”, and she closes with Bobby “Boris” Pickett’s “Muenster Mash”.
Opening for Mama Cass might be a bit of a risk. If you were a ham sandwich, and not cheese. And she were still alive. And if she hadn’t actually died of a heart attack and the “choking on a sandwich” thing wasn’t just an urban legend.
I used to be in a band called Cheeses of Nazareth. Great pun.
We were also variously called The Spunk Puddles, Gastric Reverb and Jimmy Tarbucks Banjo Band . I left when it became The Nancys.
Not that this has anything to do with anything, but I felt like telling you. I never have anything to say on these boards.
Carry on.
It’ll be a brief tour, stopping at rural cottages to give the devout a chance to admire her holy visage. During these stops she will have her tea with the townsfolk (with cream), and if offered cookies, will eat 'em. If you plan on visiting her yourself, expect people to join up with your group as ya go, making quite a fete. The thought of seeing the sandwich can make 'em mental. They’ll rock for hours! Oh, and bring her flowers, especially if you grew your own.
