Cheesy Pickup Lines

Don’t get me wrong - I’m all about the risk and thrill of embarrassing myself enormously in order to attract potential mates - but I have heard (and by heard, I mean read in print. I have never actually heard anyone say these things) some pick-up lines that are just the ultimate of cheese.

Have you ever actually used one of these groaners? Did it work? (and if you’re a lady, have you ever been charmed by one?)

Oh geez, I have a great one. It’s cheesy as hell, but it’s worked in getting me cozied up to a girl before. It may not be a pick-up line per se though, because you already have to be in a conversation with the person you’re hitting on. What I do is I start talking about this weird dream I had the other night where I was a pirate. I BS a little bit and I end it by saying, “So, if you were a pirate would you have your parrot on this shoulder or that one?” As you’re talking, gesture to her shoulders, first the one on your side, then the other. At the end of the question, you have your arm around her.

Like I said, it’s cheesy as hell, but it has worked for me before. I use it when I’m out with a group of friends and I’m sitting next to someone that I’m interested in. It’s best to wait 'til the end of the meal to use it though. Otherwise, it’s way more ackward to have your arm around someone.


Many, many years ago, when I was young and single, I was sitting at the bar of a glitzy disco club. A good-looking guy came up and sat nearby and said “If I were to say that you have a beautiful body, would ya hold it against me?”

This was so laughably corny that I was immensely charmed. And, in fact, later that evening both of us got lucky.