Him: Did it hurt?
Me: What hurt?
Him: When you fell from heaven.
Me: gag
Him: Are you ok?
Me: yeah fine.
Him: Are you sure? You look tired?
Me: Oh?
Him: Must be because you’ve been running through my mind all day.
Me: I’m married.
Him: oh.
Dude, that was you? Someone actually used that one me once.
I did once have this Croatian friend in high school that had this really adorable habit of trying out pickup lines on me. Except, he’d mess them up and mangle them together horribly. For example, he came up to me the first time we met and said “Your father must be a thief… for he took the letters of the alphabet and made them so that you and I could be together.”
He was kinda disappointed when I fell over laughing.
My sister’s favorite pick-up line, to be used when purchasing something expensive in the presence of an attractive guy, goes: “What a rip off! Speaking of rip off, how about your clothes?”
And one that Simetra shared with me long ago: “Wanna play Army? I’ll rut around in your trench, and you can blow me away.”
If I were a carpenter, and you were a lady, …wouldya? Well, wouldya?
Didn’t work.
A friend of mine likes to engage a woman in quiet conversation, then, taking a step back and looking shocked, hollers, “Fifty bucks?!?!” If she laughs, he figures he’s making progress. I’ve seen him kneel behind a woman he’s never met, apparently preparing to worship, or kiss, the seat of her pants. His audacious approach occasionally works. He’s an avid fisherman, and he says you won’t catch anything if you don’t throw out the lure. Catch and release, though. Catch and release.