It was in grade 11, i didn’t even see it coming, it just happened.

There we sat, i can’t remember who all was there anymore, except for my self and a lovely young lady called Erin. She happened to be pealing an orange… and then i said it, leaning across the table, taking the orange and her hand in mine, and in my best:

[cheesy French accent]
Erin, you are like an orange.
Tough on the outside, yet oh so soft on the inside
Sweet, my dear, but with just a little zing
And, most important of all, when i squeeze you just right…
You drip.
[/cheesy French accent]

As i recall, she didn’t slap me, but i have a habit of blocking things out. Anyway, i’m pretty sure it was the finest damn line i’ve ever come up with, and used.

What’ve you got?


Well, my personal favorite is, “Hey, that shirt looks great on you, but it would look even better on my floor!”

“I want to see your tits my dear” in my best pirate accent.

Well, I always enjoy walking up to musicians and asking them if they want to rock my chromatic scale.

I’m odd like that, though.

dips finger in drink
runs finger down sleeve of person
“MMMMM I think we had better get in the bedroom and get those wet clothes off”

Yet better… “That shirt is very becoming on you, of course if I were on you, I’d be-coming too”

You may not slap me for using something that cheesy.


Nice Clavicle!

All I have to do is jerk off and you cease to exist.

Once, in my drunken, misspent youth, I was at a party where I was sharing a drink with someone’s teddy bear. Apparently, I thought this was funny.

One girl comes up to me and says, “aren’t you a little old to be sleeping with teddy bears?”

To which I instantly reply, “maybe I should be sleeping with you instead.”

Sudden cold snap in the room, and she says, “I don’t think so,” and walks away. But, hey, maybe it’ll work for somebody else.

::Buys Wyldelf a drink:: :smiley:

I know what I want to say to you. I have it on the tip of my tongue. If you’ll allow me to stick it in your ear, you’ll be able to hear it.

anybody remember the old WKRP ep where Jennifer asked the guys to hear their lines? The last, and winner:

Les: “Hello there, I’m incredibly wealthy.”

“I understand why I’m sitting here by myself, but for the life of me I can’t figure out why you are”

Hmmmm. Reading that, I’m starting to see why I never get any dates. . .

You’re like a prized bass, I don’t know whether to mount you or eat you.

Andygirl, another one to try on musicians:
Hi, would you like to finger pick my g-string?
Hi, my name is Ender. I thought you looked quite attractive and I’d like to get to know you better.

Of course I’ve never used that one. I’m not insane. I’ll stick with the fish mounting, thankyouverymuch.

I went out for a beer with a coworker of mine. We work at a Power Transmission/Bearing place.

The barmaid is really cute. So we start to chit-chat, and she asks where we work. We tell her, and she asks what exactly it is we do.

Mr. I-am-so-funny-and-witty-BERNSE says “We sell greases for many uses. Some are even edible.” or something to that respect. She promptly left us alone, and we didn’t get served again after that.

I saw a woman where I work who buys clothes daily. I said 'you know what would look nice on you?" she said ‘what’, I said ‘me!’ She paused for a moment & said 'No, you’d be too tall on me." :slight_smile: nyah.

Courtesy of Kevin Bloody Wilson, here are a few lines that will save you a few rounds of beer, a dinner, a movie, and a lot of time. YMMV, though.

Do you fck on first dates?
Does your dad own a brewery?
Can I fondle your t
Or would you show’em to me?

Richard Feynman, the genius American physicist, insists in one of his books that the best way to get laid is to ask the woman if she’ll sleep with you. Pretty radical idea, eh? The trick, he says, is that you must do this before you have bought her anything.i.e. a drink, dinner, etc.

Were you born on a chicken farm?
(no, why)
Because you’re good at raising cocks.
Hangs head in shame

The voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you…

hmmmm… I wonder why I am still single?

[sultry voice]
I am completely naked under these clothes…
[/sultry voice]