- You look familiar. Have you ever done Internet porn?
From Shelia Levine is Dead and Well and Living in New York
Him: I’d like to fuck you.
Her: For how many minutee?
Him: Is that a nice question?
Her: Yours was nice?
Hi, I’m hard, are you wet?
All those curves, and me with no brakes.
One of the best and the worst: So, you come here often?
Context is everything. At a bar, this is good. At the free clinic downtown…
I’ve used this one more than a few times. It always got a smile, and many times, a lot more.
I bet you’re getting tired of every guy in the bar coming up to you and telling you how good looking you are.
And I heard a comedian use this line years ago, but I still think it’s funny.
Can I buy you a drink, or should I just give you the five bucks?
“Do you fuck?”
“I do now you smooth talking bastard”
I burnt my tongue. Can you kiss it better?
him: Can I buy you a drink?
her: I have a boyfriend.
him: Well so do I, but you don’t see me going on and on about it.
To an attractive counter girl:
“When do you get off?”
“Every time.”
“If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?”
“You must be tired, because you were running through my dreams all night!”
“I heard there’s a party in your mouth, and I’d love to come!”
Recounted to me by a friend this weekend, who had it used as an opening line on her in a club:
“I bet your nipples taste like Hershey’s kisses.”
Pictured as spoken by a drunk Oklahoman, it’s even better. And by better I mean terrible.
My all-time favorite:
“Do you wash your pants in Windex? Because I can see myself in them.”
“You know how some men driver really expensive sports cars to overcompensate for certain… shortcomings? Well, I don’t even own a car.”
Once when a buddy of mine and I were chatting up two young females, he used this gem:
“If you could find a machine to turn dogshit into gold you’d be rich”.
I think he was trying to be funny and not imply she was rife with dig shit but yeah… didn’t end well.
Hello.
Wanna come back to my place and play with my Wii?
(Honestly not sure if that’s good or bad)
Biology nerd checking in.
If i were an enxyme, I’d be DNA Helicase so I could unzip your jeans.
Licks finger and puts to his/her shoulder whilst murmering “let’s get YOU out of those WET clothes”
“What’s your sign” (if I liked the guy) “slippery when wet”
“What’s your sign” (if I wasn’t interested) “no entry”
For the mathematicians:
“Hey baby, let me integrate your curves.”
For the physicists:
“Want to learn about penetrating the classically forbidden region?”
For the biologists:
“Do you watch the Discovery Channel? You know we’re just mammals?”
For the chemists:
“You are so hot that your entropic contribution makes our reaction thermodynamically favorable”
For anyone:
“What’s your favorite breakfast?”
and I’m waiting, but no one’s ever asked me:
“Is that a large Hadron in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?”
yeah… I don’t get out much…