Chicago: Dogshit Capital

The BBQ Pit
1

Is there some sort of unwritten rule that says you don’t have to clean up after your pets because there’s snow on the ground? Do you really think it’s okay to leave your fucking dogshit wherever you want just because it’s wintertime?

You lazy, inconsiderate pack of fuckwads.

Guess what, genius? Snow melts eventually. Sometimes, even in the middle of January. Did you think that that steaming pile of shit was going to disappear before it ever thawed a bit?

It didn’t. And now, on the whole way to work, I’m dodging slimy, stinky shitpiles. The fucking sidewalks are like goddamned fecal minefields. All different sizes, shapes, and colors of motherfucking dogshit all over the fucking sidewalks.

You dirty, no-good sons of bitches. You pick up the dogshit all year long and then it snows and you figure that just because the falling snow will cover it up temporarily, you don’t have to scoop it. I wish I had the whole lot of you in front of me right now so that I could grab you by the back of your fucking lazy, irresponsible heads and rub your faces in the soggy, repulsive mounds of nasty shit.

Assholes.

2

Amen, brother, amen! Do you live on my block, perchance? I think I’m going to print that up, laminate it, and post it on every signpost between here and the eL stop.

P.S. Actually, the Dogshit Capital of the World is Bucharest, Romania, where an estimated 250,000 stray dogs roam the streets in feral, stinking packs.

3

I think you may also live on MY block.

I, as a responsible dog owner, would like to apologize for the jerkasses who think snow dissolves poop.

When my husband and I go out with our dog in the snow, we actually PICK UP OTHER PEOPLE’S DOG SHIT in an effort to keep this city a part of functioning frigging society. And if you don’t think THAT’S a selfless event, meet the ridgeback on my block who shits hams.

People…this isn’t Beyond Thunderdome. We’re trying to live normal lives without sewage underfoot. You pick it up in summer…it’s forty times EASIER in winter because it’s usually not runny, steaming crap.

please.

jarbaby