Well, I’ve thought about and I’m going to make an Apprentice style “executive decision” and choose my own idea. I’m going with an “Under God” theme.
Outline
Lil’ Susy’s class is told by Ms. Henn that they are no longer allowed to say “under God” during the Pledge of Allegiance because the “Federal Courts” have “made it a crime.”
The class commences to reciting the “Godless” new Pledge.
Lil’ Susy, being the little swat that she is, defiantly inserts the offending phrase anyway.
An enraged Ms. Henn orders her to the principals’ office.
That’s just enough to get the ball rolling. I want to leave the story open after that for other people’s ideas. Take it where your fancy calls, my only request is that we somehow find a way to work in Grandpa Eyepatch.
First panel to follow.
Ms. Henn’s classroom is standing facing the flag. Lil Susy is prominently in the foreground. There is a poster at the front of the classroom with the words of the Pledge of allegiance written on it. Ms. Henn is standing beside the poster brandishing a huge magic marker. A demon lurks behind her,
Ms. Henn: Before we say the Pledge today, children, we have some changes to make.
Ms. Henn turns and strikes out the phrase “under god” from the poster. The ink drips like blood, partially obscuring the words beneath it.
Ms. Henn: The federal government has finally made it a crime to use the outdated phrase “under god” in the pledge. So you children will do well to obey the new law of the land!
Ms. Henn’s face shows grim indignation and outrage as Suzy loudly inserts the words UNDER GOD! as she recites the pledge. In a thought balloon we see her thinking:
“That little Christian @#$% has been a problem for too long! But NOW we have her, breaking the law!”
The principal explains to Mrs. Henn that the law cannot restrict the free speech of the students – the law only prevents the school from compelling student… Oh, wait! This is a Chick Tract…
Panel 6
The suspiciously Jewish-looking Principal, backed up by a suspiciously Catholic-looking cop (if you know what I mean and I think you do) tells Susie that she’s being arrested, and gets one phone call…
Granpas residence. The old patchie is on the phone with a righteous smug look on his face.
“You’ve been arrested for what?!?! Don’t worry Lil’ Suzy I’m on my way to the school. DON’T FORGET THE FOUNDING FATHERS FOUGHT TO LET YOU PRAY*”
Thought bubble
“Lord give me the strength to smite our foe!”
*“The founding fathers were all good white Christians” 1925 Chick publications
It’s going good so far, if no one else does a panel by morning I’ll start the cycle over again.
(Johnny Bravo, I like the "dripping blood: on the poster. Nametag, I like the way you picked up on having the tract make a total misrepresentation of the law).
Grandpa hits the road in his 1950 stake-bed Chevy pickup. He gets pulled over by a State Trooper car, and two officers decked out in Nazi-styled uniforms complete with the diagonal leather belt across the chest come out and ask him to step out of the car.
He asks why they pulled him over, and the head trooper informs him that it was because of his vanity license plate, which reads “4JESUS” (or something like that.)
Grandpa is arrested, meanwhile Lil’ Susy waits at the school…
(I’ve got to interrupt for a couple short stories)
In 2001, some friends invited me to Celebrate Freedom. It’s free, outdoors, and quite fun. It’s like an all-day outdoor picnic / play day, with music!
We decided to go again in 2002. Completely different. Since it was after 9/11, I guess those in charge figured they had to make this Celebrate Freedom “special”. And they succeeded. It was bad - as if it was 9/12/2001 and they were helping New Yorkers with the pain and grief. Even Kirk Cameron was there!
We wanted to leave, but it was a nice day, so we just went off to the side and played games / read / sunbathed.
Then, randomly (something might have started it, but I never did figure out what) then crowd starts yelling the pledge of allegience.
Yes. The pledge of allegience - at a Christian festival. What the fuck?
Then it becomes all too clear when they hit the words “under God” and hit a vocal dynamic far above yelling.
We were stunned. I still can’t believe it happened.
Later, when I was relating this to my mom, I was telling her I didn’t understand the uproar - “under God” was put in in the 1950s, so why not just take it out again? She didn’t believe that, she thought “under God” had always been in the pledge and that is was my evil public school learning that made me believe such blasphemy. She called her mom to confirm…only to find out that, whoa, I was right!
Suzie and the Gestapo cops go into the station, where she sees Old Patchy in hand and leg irons. Susie wails “Oh, Granpa, why are they persecuting us?” Grandpa says "Jesus himself said “You will be persecuted for my sake,” complete with asterick and Biblical cite. The Gestapo police listen, stunned, having never heard of Jesus.
Grandpa: You see, Suzie, God told us this would happen long ago. He warned us that innocent people would be persecuted for believing in Him and His promise*.
Suzie: Oh, grandpa! Tell me again about God’s promise.
Policeman number 1 (Thinking) What?! Nobody ever told me about this. Father** O’Brian said that only priests can understand what God says.
*2 Tim 3:12, Matt. 24:9
**And call no man your father upon the earth; for one is your Father, which is in heaven-Matt. 23:9
Cop #2: [scowling] This is an official governement bulding! It is a FEDERAL CRIME to pray here! You just added another five years to your sentence, Mister…
Cop #1: Wait a minute, Joe. I want to hear what he has to say.
Cop #2: If you let him talk, you’re an ACCESSORY, Jim! I’m going to get the CAPTAIN! You’re in big trouble!
A large swarthy man walks into the frame, gripping a syringe in his left hand and bearing a prominent name badge that reads: “Patrick O’Looney (S.J.) - Captain, Mental Health Enforcement.” The frame is drawn such that the hand holding the syringe appears just below Lil Suzie’s chin, framing her large, innocent eyes.
Cop #2: “These two sickos have been preaching about Jesus, Capt. O’Looney! And Jim here has been listening to them! He even wanted to let them keep talking!”
Capt. O’Looney: “@#$%&* We’ll put a stop to that! Bring me the girl first!”
*#2 is moving towards Suzy, with a scowl on his face, as Grandpa whispers to #1 *
Grandpa “Son, it’s not too late! You can still be saved if you accept Jesus into your heart!” (#2 has those big question marks and exclamation points over his head)
Hmmm…I like where this is going and I have a thought. Could this be one of those tracts that ends with the dual death scenes? What if cop 1 gets saved by Patchy’s speech (because, of course, truth serum will make him tell the “truth”…a pint that will undoubtedly be pointed out by Saved Cop)? Cop 2 and the Captain make some sort of ludicrous attemt to assault Grandpa. Saved cop ends up fighting them, in a Resevoir Dogs scenario they all shoot each other, Saved Cop goes to Heaven of course (to meet Glowy Jesus) and the other two go to Chick Hell.
Chick loves to do that stuff.
Of course we’ll have to bring it back to Grampa Sparrow and Lil Susy for the final pitch before the check box.
This is just a suggestion, though. Feel free to take the story elsewhere.