Guys, we’re in luck. The pilot script leaked online:
FADE IN
INT UPSCALE L.A. APARTMENT
Our three roommates CANDY WINTER, RICH STUMBLE and DICK WOOD are lounging on the couch and chairs in the room. MR TOODLES, their straight-laced landlord ENTERS.
MR TOODLES
You kids have the rent this month?
Candy gets up and hands him a check.
CANDY
Here you go Mr. T.
Mr T puts the check in a pocket
MR TOODLES
Well all right. So there's no funny business going on here right?
ALL THREE
No Mr. Toodles
MR TOODLES
Well good. So what do you crazy kids have planned for tonight?
RICH
Dick and I are gonna have a sword fight!
They High Five. Mr. Toodles nearly faints.
CANDY
Yep, fencing class every Tuesday.
Candy picks up a foil and mask from behind the couch and hands them to Rich. Mr. Toodles calms down.
DICK
But the best part is what happens later. Candy goes on the rotisserie!
Mr. Toodles stumbles.
CANDY
I know it’s my turn to cook, you don’t have to remind me!
DICK
(Rubbing is belly)
Chicken’s my favorite
Candy’s cell phone RINGS. She answers and starts talking.
CANDY
(to phone)
Hi Suzy! Yeah? Yeah! Are you crazy? Of course I love DPs! Who doesn't love DPs?!
(to Mr. Toodles)
Excuse me Mr. T. I have to set my friend straight on something.
Candy EXITS to the bedroom while still on the phone. Mr. Toodles can barely stand up.
RICH
That Candy is crazy for DPs.
DICK
Yeah, you would think she was a film major!
(in a high pitched Candy voice)
Directors of Photography are the most important people on a set!
(back to normal voice)
She goes on and on. Suzy works in show business she should know better than to set her off.
Mr. Toodles sits down. Candy REENTERS. She’s off the phone. The doorbell RINGS. Little MYRON the next door neighbor’s kid ENTERS, his fingers are caught in a CHINESE FINGER PUZZLE.
RICK
(looking at the puzzle)
You know who's great at those?
Candy SHRUGS.
FADE OUT