Hi all…need a voice of reason 'cuz I’m kinda hot right now. I have been taking my son to the same daycare provider since he was 3 months old. He’s now 2. My daycare provider just had a baby 10 days ago. She had indicated well prior that her mom would be here to help her. Her mom is from Venezuela and doesn’t speak a word of english. This is who I am now dropping my son off with and picking him up from. He screams bloody murder when I leave him. It’s been only 2 days. I know I need to allow for a time of transition, but is it too much to expect someone who speaks the same language to be able to tell me how my son’s day went? I am so upset. I managed to get my provider to come downstairs this afternoon (with hand gestures and VERY bad spanish on my part to her mother) and told her that I expected to be able to speak with someone. She said that if she’s nursing at the time I pick him up she’ll leave me a note. A note??? Her m-i-l has been there the last 2 days and speaks english. I come every day at the same time. Am I being unreasonable? 
I think you’re being reasonable. If something were to happen to your kid, how would this woman communicate with emergency personel, or call you to pick him up? It’s pretty reasonable to expect that the person taking care of your child speaks the same language you do.
If you feel uncomfortable about the situation - then act upon it until you do feel comfortable, even if it means talking on the phone while she’s in bed recouperating. Both of you agreed to some extent about the arrangement, just tell her that your uncomfortable with the current arrangement and would feel better if you could communicate with her personally. Otherwise, you should let her know that you have to look elsewhere for child care.
On the other hand, a note ought to be enough to let you know how long your child’s nap was, whether he seemed fussy, etc.
However, it would bug me to think my son might now be primarily being taken care of by someone who was a complete stranger to him. And maybe that person isn’t all that interested in my son, but is just there to cover the bases (and would rather be loving on her own grandchild). I mean, I don’t know if that’s the case, but wondering (and not knowing) would bug the shit out of me. Does your DCP still do most of the care?
If I were your DCP, I wouldn’t be accepting other kids for care until I’d had a period of “leave.” I just don’ t know how she can do the job you expect her to do. I realize that many SAH moms end up taking care of multiple kids while their newest is still tiny, but that’s a different situation; they’re building a family and bonds that will last a lifetime. A little upheaval is a natural part of making a new baby part of the family. This is different. This is the standard of care for your son diminishing.
In short, yeah, I’d be worried and maybe pissed. But I wouldn’t dismiss the note idea out of hand.
Okay, a couple of things:
- You said that you and your DCP discussed that her mother would be here to help during her recovery. Were you aware prior to her arrival that she didn’t speak any English?
Friedo’s point about communication with emergency personnel is very valid.
2)M-I-L may not like to hang around much. Sure she’s got a new grandchild to see, but it’s not outside the realm of possibility that she has an adversarial relationship with her D-I-L. She may only drop by daily for a minute to see her new grandchild then split. Plus, since your DCP specifically stated her mother would be there to help, I don’t think it’s reasonable to draft the M-I-L just because she happens to drop by to see them and speaks English. If she’s only there for a brief time, she’s not going to know what went on all day, anyway.
Here’s hoping you can get this worked out. I know that nothing is quite as stressful as trying to juggle work, mom-duties, and daycare providers.*
FaerieBeth
*mother of three (ages 12, 9, and 20 months) and first grade teacher.
To clarify, is the provider’s mother licensed to be providing child care services if this is a licensed home provider? There are rules with that.
If that’s the case, and if she is not licensed, than I hope she is not actually looking after the children instead of the normal provider. I wouldn’t even want an unlicensed person whom I have never met and who can’t speak my language doing the pick-ups and drop-offs, let alone the child care during the day. Even if they say she isn’t babysitting for the regular provider, how would you know?
Doesn’t sound like a great situation. When it comes to your child, always trust your gut feeling and don’t worry about hurting feelings or reneging on a verbal agreement. Your gut is usually dead-on when it comes to your kids!