Child custody - Can a judge force a parent to move?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I learned of a situation where Mom keeps the kid pretty much full time. Dad picks him up from school and spends the evening with him 1-2 nights a week, and sees him 1-2 afternoons on the weekend. Sometimes Dad hangs out at Mom’s house because the Boy likes to play video games with his Dad.

This is all by mutual agreement, there is no type of legal ruling. He didn’t pay her anything for a long time, but has started giving her some money here and there.

She is considering getting a legal support/custody agreement just to protect herself. She also doesn’t feel comfortable having Dad at her home, but he lives with several roommates so Dad and Boy don’t do much at Dad’s house, and Boy certainly never spends the night there.

The question: Is it possible that the judge would tell Dad that he has to have a domicile where Boy could stay overnight? In other words, tell Dad to grow up and quit living like a 20 year-old and get his own apartment?

Or is it more likely that the judge will just take his living arrangements into consideration, and continue the current arrangement but in writing?

2

Depends on the jurisdiction but I have seen it where if there were perceived problems with one of the parents home environment the court could order to have the custody visits happen in a neutral setting chosen by the court. Typically the county in which they live has such a meeting house expressly for such situations.

Courts order things all the time; like telling guys to get a job and be responsible; life doesn’t work like that, you just can’t order someone to be responsible it has to come from within. I’ve seen people tell the judge to put them in jail rather than give up there self destructive ways.

3

They can’t order him to move but they can tell him he can’t see the child unless he can provide a safe environment in which to do so. If Mom doesn’t feel comfortable with him hanging out there she shouldn’t have to do so, it’s her home and she controls who visits.

4

IANAL, but I’ve never heard of a judge ordering a parent to not have roomates. Depending on the state where your friend lives, will be the biggest factor in how friendly the court is towards fathers.

5

Dude just got divorced and you’re suprised he needs roommates to help with his cost of living? :dubious: I’m also not clear why the roommates mean Boy absolutely necessarily cannot spend the night, but that would depend more on the size and layout of the space they’re all sharing i.e. is there a free couch etc.

6

No, they weren’t married; he left a year ago, or maybe more. And the impression I get is not that he has roommates to help with cost of living. It’s that he has roommates so that he can spend his money on things that matter more to an immature single man.

7

Really? I think she should have to; it’s the boy’s dad. I mean, how is banning dad, who is obviously interested in his child’s welfare, any good for the kid?

People are so vindictive.

8

I think Dad should get to see the kid, of course. I don’t agree that Mom should have to let Dad in to her home in order to facilitate that.

9

Of course mom should not have to let dad use her home to see the kid. Dad should be able to take the kid to his home or whever he wants, as long as it isn’t inappropriate for the kid, (bar, strip club, meth lab, etc.)

10

Since this involves legal advice, it’s better suited to IMHO than GQ.

Colibri
General Questions Moderator

11

There has to be some reason that the mother thinks the dad’s place is ‘unsafe’, above and beyond ‘he has roommates’. Big whoop? Are they doing drugs in front of the kid? Having sex in front of the kid? Playing russian roulette in front of the kid? No? Then it sounds like the mother has a control problem, and a judge is gonna want a reason, one that can be investigated and proven, why the kid can’t spend time at his father’s house, no matter where that is.

She’s going to have to do some digging, with a lawyer or investigator, to get proof that it’s unsafe. So I hope she has a real reason, otherwise a judge is gonna get pissy at her for wasting the court’s time.

12

She shouldn’t let him keep coming in her house if it makes her uncomfortable. If she’s worried about dad having roommates, why can’t she go visit the place and evaluate the people herself? But even better, there’s also no reason the kid can’t just have daytime visits. My sister and I never spent the night at my dad’s place after my parents got divorced, because he never had a second bedroom. Let dad pick him up in the morning and drop him off at night.

13

No, it’s not an issue of the place being necessarily unsafe for the kid. Dad had never offered or expressed in interest in him staying there.

She’s not thinking about a custody and support judgement based upon his living situation. She’s considering it just to have something set in stone what visitation, obligations, etc. are.

The living situation was my own curiosity.

And, I don’t think the court would consider it a waste of time for her to ask for some kind of binding legal situation, considering that his scheduling of visitation and his support has been somewhat erratic.

14

How is the court supposed to impose custodial obligations - much less housing obligations - on the father without first determining custody or support? Once the court gets involved, they’re not going to ignore the major issues to worry about the fact that Dad sits in Mom’s living room a couple times a week.

15

If things are fine in terms of the geneal custody arrangements, why involve the courts. I think there’s been some very good advice here:

She has de facto custody, and does the major amount of care-giving. Absent a major improvement in dad’s situation, a court would probably approve that arrnagement, the longer it goes on the better for her. If he’s not asking for something, why go to court?

(Talk to a lawyer to be sure that the current arrangement, without legal custody basis, does not allow the father to just grab the kid on a whim and go for an extended tour of the country… That would be my concern; the other would be whether she would be dinged if she got a better offer far away and suddenly can’t move because the father tries to legally block it. Talk to a lawyer).

She should wean dad away from using her place. If when she decides to move on seriously, that’s going to be a little awkward. “Oh, ignore him, he’s my ex-lover. He’ll be gone in 5 hours…” Dad has to learn that “over” does not mean “using the rec room is OK, but not the bedroom”. It means “over”. He has a child, he can figure out what to do with the child with the resources HE owns.

I agree, unless she can pinpoint some specific reason why dad’s place is inappropriate, then she has no grounds to complain. The courts prevent kids getting into bad situations, not immature ones. Maybe it will be eye-opening for Junior to see how life works if you are a slacker with no money… Of course, he could always take the kid to the zoo or something, if he doesn’t want to show off his place.

The issue of support can always be used as a threat. He must make enough to pay the rent, hopefully from a legitimate job (if not, that’s a legitimate lever too). From what I know, he will be asked to produce tax returns and the court will assess support based on that. Then, some places have interesting threats if you fall behind - no drivers license, etc. If he’s erratic now, the question is - do you want to go to court and force him to pay, possibly get him into all kinds of trouble, or do you want to keep that threat as a future level if the custody gets ugly? “stop me from moving to Baltimore, and I will make sure your beer money goes to child support”.

My advice - talk to a lawyer, stop dad from stopping over.

Oh, and keep a journal (typical lawyer advice). Dates, times dad has custody. What they did. How much dad paid support, when. What the kid said about dad’s visit (liked it, boring, hot, cold, tired, good meal or just fries and chocolate?) No editorials, just facts with date time. Any threats or demands or outrageous requests. (“Can I borrow $60 to take him to the zoo?”) If/when it comes to court, the judge likes facts - about how involved and how good a parent Dad was.

16

There are some excellent reasons to involve a family court in any custody agreement. Things change; someone may have de facto custody of her child, but without a legal custody arrangement, she could end up without a leg to stand on if the dad suddenly decides he wants more control or involvement than she’s comfortable with. The court may not agree with the mom about what she’d like custody to look like, but the court will be looking at the best interests of the child.

I’ve seen parents with informal custody get a rude awakening when the non-custodial parents change their minds about the current arrangement. If the dad, for instance, eventually marries or moves in with someone who feels she’s got some good ideas about the child’s upbringing, the mom could see things change rapidly in a direction she doesn’t like and could be left scrambling for legal support. A formal custody agreement can head off a lot of trouble later on, and while the mom may not feel she needs to have child support formalized, the child is entitled to have an appropriate amount of support from both parents.

Some states have family courts that work out arrangements without lawyers; it doesn’t have to be expensive or adversarial. It’s worth setting things down formally so everyone has a realistic view of how things will be going forward.