My husband gave up his rights to his two boys over twenty years ago.
He had remarried and was living below poverty level. His second wife was pregnant and he always did his best to make his child support payments. His ex moved several hundred miles away with her wealthy new husband and the little boys without even telling him. They always did their best to make things difficult for him to have his allowed visitation. There was always alot of yelling and fighting in front of the boys when he would travel to pick them up or bring them home. Finally after many expensive legal battles and ugliness, he gave them up. He couldn’t stand how it was tearing both families apart. He wanted his kids to be settled and happy. He always regretted giving them up. He had no contact with them at all. But his parents were able to write letters and sometimes called their mom to see how things were. Eight years ago the oldest boy, who was 5 the last time he saw his dad, called and wanted to see him. He came to live with us because he was 18 and wanted answers and wanted to know his real father. He has very vivid memories of his early childhood and he knew his father loved him but never understood why he was given up. Shortly after he came his younger brother did too. His memories are very limited, and he always accepted that his stepfather was his dad, but he had questions too and my husband was able to give them the honest truth about what happened all those years ago. We have a very strong relationship with both boys now. We talk to them almost everyday, their children are our grandchildren. My husband is so happy that they came back to him even though he had to do the hardest thing by letting them go. To be honest the older boy had a very rough life because of the whole thing. It took until this last year for him to overcome alot of the emotional upheaval of his childhood.
This is not an easy thing for kids to deal with. If your kids know and loved their birthfather and ask about him or want to see him and if he truely wants to see them and be a part of their lives somehow they will find a way to make it happen eventually. If their father is a jerk and all this is only the dealings of his new wife, then protect your little ones. They don’t need to be in that situation with someone who is nuts and someone who doesn’t care. I think your best bet is to have no contact with the new wife and see if your ex really does want a relationship with his kids. My husband knew when he signed his rights away that he was to have no contact in any way with those boys, maybe your ex knows this also, but he can still have contact with you so he should be the one doing the talking not his wife.
Okay, now I see.
Well, if you want to keep a journal, do it the old-fashioned way…with a pen and a paper.
Don’t do the MYOB thing anymore. Ignore her. Completely. Do not respond to her e-mails, start screening your calls, do not open any letters from her.
In other words, crush her with silence.
Thanks everyone.
Good grief. Guys, I don’t know what to do anymore. She has done it again. I don’t know how in the world she found another website I frequent…unless the ex husband told her. She just signed up at a forum where I’ve been going for about 5 years…changed my name 3 years ago. I’ve been going to this website since i was pregnant…and seeming as my kids are 4 and 5…well, I kinda feel very STALKED at the moment.
I am slowly losing my life and internet options to her. This is degrading at best. 
The ONLY question for you to consider is:
What is best for my children?
The other question is: Am I capable of determining that apart from all the other issues?
I suggest you seek both legal and personal counseling to determine the answers to these questions…
Both my children and myself go to counseling.
While I keep my children’s interests first, I have to maintain a life myself. I have been told by my therapists to just keep going to my sites, keep posting my posts, keep living my life and eventually she will get bored and go away. That was eleven months ago.
I wonder what makes me so myserious to her? What draws her to me? Why in the heck does she act like she lusts after me more than my ex husband.
My therapist says showing fear and going into a shell will tell her she has “gotten to me” and only “gear her up for more harassment”. I am just wondering where the end is and if it is coming into sight anytime soon.
I am really beginning to believe that the only way away from her is to disconnect and do my correspondence from the library. The trouble with that is that the library will not allow me to download things…even school related, which is why I keep the internet going. What few sites I go to (mostly parenting or forums) are now being invaded one by one. What is her motive? Does she think this is helping her case any?
I think for the first time in my life I feel violated.
What I did was give myself a new “Internet persona” in which I keep as many things hidden as I can. Although you said you’d tried this before. Maybe a different name for each place? There were also places I knew she hadn’t found (a private IRC chat associated with a site I frequent) where I could let people know what I changed my handle to and why. She’s not very smart, and that helps. I don’t reveal my e-mail address, and I don’t reveal my geographical location on sites that I know she (my stalker) has frequented. If I was talking about kids, I wouldn’t idenitfy them by name, I’d say “son” or “younger stepdaughter” or whatever. I’d refer to my husband as “my husband” rather than by his name or initial. On places where I could sign up for a new account and it wasn’t against the rules of the site to have multiple account, I did that. On others, I e-mailed the owner of the site and explained the situation, and they were usually fine with giving me a different account and letting the old one go dormant. This was a big hassle for me, and I really resented the hell out of having to do it. But it seemed to make her lose interest when she didn’t know for sure who I was. Although, in my case, we think her new husband got sick of her psychotic behavior and gave her an ultimatum that forced her into therapy. I don’t have much confidence that this will last, however.
I also feel like his ex-wife is more obsessed with ME than him. We think she’s a narcissist, among the myriad of mental health problems she seems to have (antisocial, histrionic, and borderline personality disorders seem to fit her as well.) She’s also an animal hoarder and seems completely unable to clean. Because she’s wealthy, she just moves to a bigger house every two years when the clutter and trash becomes overwhelming.
Her motives-- I don’t know. We aren’t the first people she’s stalked. Before my husband divorced her, she was stalking Michael Flatley (Y’know, the “Lord of the Dance” guy.) She would fly around the country to go to his shows, and she liked to call herself “Firstname Flatley”. Even more appalling, she encouraged my husband’s oldest daughter to say her last name was “Flatley”. The one thing that makes it easier for me is that she’s too ineffectual to really do anything. She’s never finished anything in her life. She is mostly just an infuriating pain in the ass. But I know exactly how you feel right now. The only thing that really kept me from going over there and just ripping her heart out with my bare hands, was that jail would mean being apart from my husband. If I could have my husband in jail with me, I’d probably be there now.
Thanks Minnie Purl. I have changed numerous accounts and on my “gotta have” sites I do not fill out the profile in order to give me away. She has found two yahoo messenger IDs and a couple of websites now. I think I may have to take another break from my beloved forums for a while. It is really disgusting though, to see a human with no respect for another’s life and personal space.
Can you notify the mods of these boards that this woman may be cyber-stalking you?
How would she find out where you go from your ex? Do you tell your ex what boards you visit?
You night need to get yourself a free email like Yahoo (which I guess you’ve already done?) and make up a screen name that she would never guess is you (“I-Love-Yanni” or something equally ridiculous) and just keep your posts as bare bones anonymous as you can.
Make up a fake location if it offers one, like they do here, or don’t even put one.
**Again, make note of this behavior, and talk to a lawyer. **
Does your ex know about this? Does he know she’s stakling you all over the internet?
She’s definitely disturbed. Why is she so obsessed by you? Sounds like she’s not so secure in her relationship with your old hubby, IMO. I think she’s afraid he’ll dump her and come running back to you.
Get another Yahoo ID with a really goofy name that she won’t connect to you, and fill out the profile, but do it in such a way that she won’t connect it to you. Add a fictitious third child, change your location to another state or town, change your hobbies to stuff she knows you don’t like… then she won’t think it’s you.
Are you doing the Yahoo profile to meet people? Not singles, I know, but like-minded friends, to discuss child-rearing or crafts? That makes it hard, but if you want to stay on your MBs, you gotta do what you gotta do…
Can you file a restraining order against her? Granted, what she is doing is cyber-stalking, but that’s just as frightening as physical stalking.
Yeah, check the stalking laws in your state.
And I wouldn’t post so much information about yourself and your situation-it makes it so much easier to identify you.
Good luck.
You are the one giving this woman power over you. Change your email address and your handle, including the one you use here. Then don’t give out specific information that would identify you to her in a forum.
The term “fradulent adoption” is being used to intimidate you. It sounds like there is no way in hell that the adoption can be broken.
Ask a friend to copy everything that she puts in her journal that is in reference to your situation. But this friend must be strong enough NEVER to show this material to you. If you end up in court, the friend should turn it over to your attorney as evidence.
Let your attorney know that she has pictures of your children at her website. They are not her children. They are yours and your current husband’s. That may be illegal unless she has permission. I don’t know.
You are going to have to exercise some self-discipline for your own sake and your own peace of mind. Don’t go to her website.
Don’t say anything unkind about your first husband to your children. But do consider letting them know from the beginning that they are very special children because they are adopted by their daddy. He got to choose to be their daddy! (If they grow up knowing that, there won’t be the chance of resentment caused by shock later.)
As any lawyer reading this would know, I am not an attorney. Just pissed along with you.
The most recent site she has found is one that I have gone to for about five years. I started there after suffering PPD with my first child and it helped me through a lot of the pregnancy with my second child as well. I love that site and the people on it. I did inform the mods and they did delete her post…but I still feel violated.
I had contacted the DA of my county and the attorney that did my divorce and adoption. They both swore there was nothing they could do. Feeling as though she was going to do this to me FOREVER I did, in late September, post on the journal I had deleted (because she linked it as her favorite) a nasty little “leave me alone” letter. Since then she’s been hellbent on trying to make my head explode or something. I had enough the other day when she posted on my favorite website where I’ve been a member for five years and then posted, “my husband gave me this info over a year ago, I’ve just now felt the need to post”. That scared me. I started calling lawyers because I know this has to stop…she obviously is not right. I did find one and I have a meeting next Monday. He says that because she has told everyone that her husband is consenting and aiding to her behavior and the kids are protected by an adoption, well, it’s a federal offense. It will cost me money, but I am of the mind that it is worth it. I will let you all know what happens.