Thank you sweetie. I really do wish we could, but unfortunately, we’re just not stable enough. Definitely not financially (where I’m worried we won’t even have enough money for utilities this month), physically for my husband, or mentally for myself. It would just never work.
And of course, there’s still my mother to consider. Her lunacy will never change. So like I said, I’ll just keep telling myself it’s for the best and hopefully, the tears will stay at bay and I can check into volunteering some with children.
Some people both male and female seem to have no comprehension of someone who might have absolutely no interest in having kids.
I do know that it is supposed to be ‘hardwired’ into us, to want to have kids - obviously some of us were off playing craps behind the building when it was handed out … I have NEVER wanted kids, and mrAru is understanding. He like kids but never pressured me into adopting or fostering.
When I was 22 I had a young co-worker who was having bad pelvic cramps. She told me she was terrified that it meant she couldn’t ever have kids. I thought about this and it hit me that I knew I was never going to have kids. I had done some babysitting in high school and after and already had a pretty good sense that I wouldn’t do well with kids every day, long-term. I’m just not interested and even if I did, I don’t have what it takes, the kind of stamina and patience to deal with immature little people.
Okay, I’ll admit that I sorta have very brief fantasies about having kids… in much the same way I have fantasies about being romantically involved with movie stars. But they’re always best-case scenarios: my kids are always bright and healthy and well-behaved, not like those screaming brats that you see in the supermarket.
I am not sure how you missed it, but I was always told that the biological clock would tick and I would feel the urge to procreate. I’m pretty sure I had seen that concept in magazines back when I read them.
So far, none of that is true, and I am 37. It sounds like some people have the urges, and some just don’t.
My first college roommate insisted that he would never marry and never have kids. I mean really insisted. When we pressed him, he conceded that MAYBE he’d marry but would never, ever, ever have kids.
A few weeks ago he found me on facebook. He’s divorced and has two sons.
Oh, god no! Children are Evil. I have to deal with several hundred of the little buggers every day. Having ones at home too would lead to headlines and recriminations.
The thing is, my desire not to have children isn’t so much rooted in not wanting the children, but not wanting certain things that go along with them. I’m an introvert with social anxiety that doesn’t do well in situations I can’t control. I would go nuts having someone I had to be responsible for 24/7. If I can’t reason with someone I panic. I’m still waffling over being able to commit to a cat!
I have a little niece I get to spoil and it’s all good.
I think this is part of what makes the conversations between people who want kids and people who don’t so difficult; it was through this board that I’ve come to realize that a lot of people really, really want kids - like, yearn for them like I yearn to breathe. Since I’ve never experienced it, I just have to take their world for it, that they feel like that. On the other hand, they have to take my word for it that I don’t yearn for kids like they do, and I imagine it would be hard to believe that something that powerful is not present in other people.
That’s one of our answers to the, “Do you guys have kids?” question - “Oh, no, the courts have agreed that we can’t.”
I’m 46 and never wanted any and am happy with my decision. It is one reason I didn’t get married until I was past 40 and it is another decision that I am pleased with.
Ditto. That said, I’d give my life for my niece and nephew to save them from a Big Bad (niece is of legal age now, but I still inherit nephew if sis and hubby get hit by a bus), but kids of my own?
Not no way not no how.
I’m very fortunate with my friends and family, none of whom have never pushed the kid agenda with me. They genuinely know better, I think.
My mother-in-law nagged us pretty hard early on. Even now, she would likely be devastated to know that my husband has had a vasectomy.
She also punishes me for ever showing interest in any child. She takes my interest to mean that I regret not having children, and will tease and nag for the rest of the day.
Never wanted them. Not even once. I have zero maternal instinct. I don’t like babies. I really don’t like toddlers. I’m not crazy about small children. Once they get to be around 9 they’re okay if they’re not whiny. But…no. And besides, the concept of being pregnant oogs me out bigtime. Do that to myself to get one of those that I have to take care of and clean up after? Not a chance!
Any nurturing instincts I have are directed at my cats. They’re cute, they poop in a box, and they purr. And if they get annoying I can shut them up in a room without getting arrested.
Nope. I’m 40, and I like (and am good with) kids of all ages, but I’ve never wanted to be a parent. If I ever find myself in another serious relationship I’ll go back on Depo-Provera in a heartbeat.
Just the other day I was telling a friend about how one of the guys I play poker with brought his 4-month-old son to the last game, and how I was so happy that I got to hold the baby for a while. My friend is a 43-year-old gay man who gets baby fever from time to time, and his response was, “And that didn’t make you want to have one?!?”
I also find that, for some people, liking kids but not wanting them simply does not compute. If I love babies I must want to have one; and/or, if I don’t want to have kids it must be because I don’t like them. Meh.
So like I said, I’ll just keep telling myself it’s for the best and hopefully, the tears will stay at bay and I can check into volunteering some with children.
But they’re always best-case scenarios: my kids are always bright and healthy and well-behaved, not like those screaming brats that you see in the supermarket.
