Just a question to all those dopers who self-identify as Childfree (or Childless by Choice).
Are you this way because you were born like that, or did you make a conscious choice after weighing the pros and cons ?
To answer my own question, I was born this way. I was born without a ‘maternal’ instinct or urge. I have zero desire to be a parent. I never had to agonise over the decision, or even make a decision. Being childfree is just the way I am, an innate characteristic.
I tried to get pregnant, then was told to stop when my back got much worse then it was. It was fortunate that we didn’t conceive because as it turn out, my husband hates kids. Also, he is a professional musician with a crazy schedule, and exposing a child to that seems wrong (he barely has enough time for his responsibilities now, much less a demanding child). We also really enjoy “our” time together and our privacy.
We didn’t make it an intentional choice at first, but regardless of my health, we will not be having children in any other way, either. Our lifesyle is simply not compatible with having children and raising them successfully.
Thanks for the link, Scarlett, but I was kind of hoping for a discussion or a poll of reasons why people were childfree. That thread had a lot of other topics as well as a number of people who were planning children, but just hadn’t gotten around to it yet.
I’m more interested in the why. I’m curious to see if it’s a case of growing up a certain way, just being born like that or a conscious choice for most people.
I don’t know what to do with kids. I don’t know how to talk to them or deal with them, and they kinda scare me a little. Any tiny maternal instinct that pops up (about once a year) can be quickly killed by reminding myself:
I can’t afford to raise a child.
I don’t want to risk the chance my butt might grow bigger.
I am not patient, maternal, or endlessly inventive at creating distractions, stories, school projects, or school lunches.
I am deeply grateful that my SO feels the same way!
I like kids well enough, but after a couple of hours I’m ready for them to go away and leave me the hell alone. That’s a luxury that cool Auntie CrazyCat has and irritable Mommy CrazyCat wouldn’t.
I’ve babysit a million times, but was always happy to be able to go home and not have to do it anymore for a while.
Can’t afford 'em; don’t have enough patience; don’t want to hear all the crying and whining; no partner to help out; no maternal instinct. Those are all the major reasons that come to mind, though there are certainly more.
Because true to the spirit of our age, I’m supremely self-absorbed and mainly think about buying things or putting things I’ve bought in rows or piles instead of humanity or the future.
DMC and I have chosen to be childless as well. He would have liked to have children (I think). But he says he is fine either way and respects my decision not to. Quite honestly, there is a long history of mental illness in my family and I couldn’t live with bringing someone else into the world with my genes. The risk is too great. Eventually, when we become more stable, we have discussed being foster parents or adopting.
I have no desire for kids. I never have looked at a child and thought, “I’d like to have one of those.” The thought of never having kids doesn’t bother me in the least.
I’ve been told I’m good with kids, which is nice, but I have no confidence I’d be a good father. I have no patience and did not have a good model to work from.
Kids these days are, like, way into sports, even (and especially the girls). I have absolutely zero interest in sports, don’t know or care about them, and have a hard time even feigning interest in them. Dumb as it may sound, this is a real concern of mine.
I don’t think you should ever have to justify not having kids. Too many people I know can’t justify having them, and they do.
I’ve never looked around and thought, “Man, if only there were MORE people!”
I’m really really protective about my time and I hate a lot of noise. I understand that children may not fit in well with this.
I really enjoy being called selfish and immature by people with kids. I like being told that there’s things about life I’ll just never enjoy because I don’t have or want kids. I like it when people tell me they feel sorry for me, or when they say it’s okay because eventually I’ll grow up and change my mind. I also get a kick out of them then telling me how much they love their kids.
Scarlett67 I think the thread you’re actually thinking about is even more recent than the one in your link (probably only a month or so ago). The hamsters aren’t co-operating for a search right now, but I think the thread title was along the lines of:
For those of you who don’t have kids, and don’t want 'em.
It was a pretty detailed poll with a list of questions in the OP about why some Dopers have chosen a child-free life. It also had quite a large number of responses and was pretty comprehensive. That’s where my response can be found.
So your memory was right on target, even if the search-hamsters weren’t. (Damn! I’ve tried a search 4 times now and it times out on me!)
You’re right, Charmian, I did pull up the wrong thread. My vague memory convinced me that the first somewhat-related thread I found was the right one. Here’s the one I was thinking of:
