Childhood misconceptions about SEX

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
61

When I was 10, my older brother’s friend explained screwing to me. He said you do it 'til it starts to fizz and foam, and then you’re done. This was after we had found a used condom on the street.

My first serious girlfriend told me she had her first period at church camp. Nobody had told her what to expect. She thought she was dying. By the time we were dating, she had most of it figured out, but she still thought a girl could not get pregnant unless she had an orgasm during sex.

When I was in high school, I knew a guy who was sure babies were born anally. I told him he was mistaken, and he got really angry about; wanted to fight me over it. He apparently thought if he could thump me, that would make him right.

Many folks I knew in high school believed that Coitus Interruptus was an effective birth control method. Some of them were proved wrong.

If you’re wondering if all these kids flunked Sex Ed, there wasn’t any. I finished high school in 1967. Girls who got pregnant had to leave school. Our zoology teacher gave a very sketchy outline of human reproduction. Someone brought up the rhythm method of birth control. The teacher said he could discuss that after class, but he could be fired for teaching it.

62

I thought it was dependent upon whether the baby was wearing pants or a dress when it came out. :o

63

I used to think that Jewish boys were circumcised at their bar mitzvahs. I thought that was what a bar mitzvah was for!!!

64

Hahahahaha! YES! I thought the same thing, and in fact anytime I had a particularly, erm… difficult time with elimination as a kid, I used to jump up afterwards and check in the toilet for a baby before I flushed.

I must stop now. I’ve said too much.

65

Just yesterday, my 7-year-old son asked me, “how do animals have babies?” I asked for clarification, because I’d already explained the sex act and body parts and so on,* and he said, “I mean, how do they know to get married?”
ha.
So I realized that I wasn’t quite clear enough when I emphasized the importance of getting married before a person decides to have kids.
*that initial conversation was also a pretty funny one. He and his 9-year-old brother (I have a third child, too, who’s only 3) asked some questions in the car and I explained everything pretty straightforwardly, and then the older one said, “So, you and Mommy had to do that THREE times?”
Then they looked at each other with grossed out expressions of disbelief and mild disgust, and the younger one said, “I’m never doing that!”

66

Yes, you should. Now that the Poopy(ie?) Babies know that their secret is out, they’re probably going to be hunting you down.

Run, Auntie EM, run!

67

When I was little, I asked Mommie Dearest (she thought it was cute) “where do babies come from,” and she tried to tell me about this sex thing.

She had to be lieing. You see, I knew babies where delivered on the doorstep. Like pizza. That’s how we got my then-baby brother (he was adopted). What I wanted to know was where the babies came from before they got to the doorstep.

68

I didn’t really equate sex and babies when I was a kid.

I knew about orgasm early, having discovered the fun of masturbation around age 5. I didn’t have any idea about girls, in terms of equipment (other than they had breasts and that they were different in the fun parts) but I knew they were somehow complimentary in structure. I also knew sex involved feeling the same kind of happy twitchy tingle I’d been giving myself, but that it involved nakedness, lying down and wriggling. I think I figured all this out by seeing couples in bed on my mom’s soap operas and adding a bit of logic. I was a very precocious kid.

However, I didn’t realize babies came from sex, because all these people were having sex all the time (I knew Mom and Dad and my married brothers and their wives and married sisters and their husbands all that sex), and they would have had a lot more babies than they were if sex were the culprit.

I thought the man put his penis into the woman (somehow, I still didn’t know sex involved penetration or how penetration was even possible) and urinated into her. I figured it must be pretty difficult to make a baby, because I certainly had a hard time peeing when I was stiff. I figured that made sense because if it were difficult, only people who wanted babies would have them, which struck me (and still does) as the way things should be.

Luckily, I got rid of all these illusions before I hit fifth grade and had pretty thoroughly educated myself (with the help of my pediatrician, who honestly enjoyed it when his patients asked direct, intelligent questions) on things like pregnancy, disease and prevention by the time I became sexually active at 13.

69

Children are baked in an oven & those that are over baked are black.

sigh.

70

I thought so too - then Cordelia tells Zander to go make out with her in the broom closet on Buffy :eek:

71

Also, since I was a very… er, precocious child, I knew about sex perhaps in… grade 3. But I thought that you pulled the penis all the way out, and quickly put it back in. I thought it was weird for a while that you would just pull it out part way out.

72

When mum explained belly buttons to me, I remember being puzzled because I thought the baby’s was connected to the mothers. I can’t remember if I followed up on that then or later, but I’ve figured it out by now :smiley:

73

Listen to your mother on this one.

74

There was an episode of Beavis and Butthead, where Beavis is constipated, and he starts thinking he’s pregnant! He even buys a pregnancy test! One of the best ones ever!

75

I was well-informed about how babies get made, but for some reason, my mom decided to embellish the story a bit. She told me that moms-to-be got a form to fill out, specifying the appearance they wanted the baby to have. Eye color, hair color, and so forth. This was supposedly why I had/have so many birthmarks; she special-ordered them.

Sex itself, though…I wasn’t completely in the dark, but when I became sexually active, certain things weren’t quite as I’d imagined them.

Me: I thought it was white! I’ve always heard it described as white!

Him: Well, it has a whitish tint.

Me: Yeah, but jeez, I was expecting something like Glass Wax, that you use to decorate windows at Christmas…Now, why do people always use the plural? I only see one thing.

Him: One sack; two nuts.

Me: …I still don’t get it.

Him: They’re both in there—AAAHH!! Don’t SQUEEZE!

Danged if I can find the thread, but someone once posted about a clueless college acquaintance, who was convinced of this by the other guys in the dorm. IIRC, they kept up the charade for weeks, complaining of cramps and asking to borrow products.

Also, when Mr. Rilch was in college, he knew a guy who was seriously off-kilter. This manifested itself in a lot of ways, but the incident pertinent to this thread was when Mr. Rilch and pals were perusing a nudie magazine. Mr. X squinted at the centerfold and said, bewildered, “What’s that?” The guys listed several slang terms, but the blank look didn’t leave Mr. X’s face. Clearing his throat, Mr. Rilch admitted that “the medical term is ‘vagina’.” “Are all women like that?” Mr. X inquired.

At this point in the narrative, I interrupted. “I get it. He spent his whole life in institutions?”

“Bingo. 'Course, we didn’t find that out 'till later. When he did something that got him sent back to one.”

76

Darn it, Rilchiam, now I’ve got to go find the Windex for my monitor! :giggling helplessly: “It has a whitish tint…”

I somehow thought it would taste like powdered sugar glaze on cinnamon rolls - boy, was I surprised!

77

While in elementary school, I had the darndest confusion about which hole the man would stick his member into, the front or the rear.

As an adult, I’ve cleared that up.

Well, sometimes. I still slip up on occasions… :smiley:

Also, I think I know why so many young 'uns think that babies are pooped out. You see, everybody tells kids that babies are in the mommy’s ‘tummy,’ so naturally kids conclude that babies follow the same path as everything else that starts in the tummy.