Childless and old? Are you satisified, or regretful?

[otternell]

@RainGrowsBrite

This is something that genuinely bothers me. I am 28, my husband 34. We both are on the fence about what we want. I have the maternal instinct and we both think we want a family. The thing is, sometimes we wonder if maybe we would live a more fufilled life without children. We both love travelling and living life without borders, and i’m afraid that having a child would reign us in much more than we’re willing.

I have quite a few friends with children who have become distant and judgmental of me because we havent joined their ranks. I am so afraid to become someone like that. But this whole, “You’ll never know” thing is always thrown in my face by them, by my mother and by alot of society. The only fact is, both paths lead to “you’ll never know”… I just have to figure out which is best for me.

I am only mid-30’s, and husband is turning 40 and we are childfree. I haven’t posted here before because I am a bit younger than the OP requested. But this comment really stuck with me, because I have been getting this crap for years. Well I suppose once I got into the mid-30’s it stopped - they kinda figured out that if it hasn’t happened yet, its not likely to happen at all.

One way to really consider this issue is to ask yourself which condition is reversable. If you have a baby due to the pressure and end up very unhappy, what can you do to reverse the situation? Nothing. If you end up 45, in menopause and regretful, what can you do to reverse the situation? Plenty: adopt, foster, baby sit for friends. lots of options if loving and raising a child becomes important to you. It’s a decision that everyone should actually think about, rather than just “well that’s what I’m supposed to do now that I’m married”. Glad you are giving it the fair consideration it deserves!

[ReticulatingSplines]

@otternell

If you have a baby due to the pressure and end up very unhappy, what can you do to reverse the situation?

You can dump the kid off in Nebraska. One guy did it nine times.

Someone please tell me they changed that law.

[otternell]

@ReticulatingSplines

You can dump the kid off in Nebraska. One guy did it nine times.

Someone please tell me they changed that law.

They did - its now a 3 day old age limit.

[TreacherousCretin]

@RTFirefly

Nobody should have to have kids they don’t want. Nobody. Ever. And as a corollary to that, why anyone should urge parenthood on those who aren’t particularly eager for it is totally beyond me. They must hate kids or something.

At least sometimes, methinks they doth protest too much, sounding like they’re almost angry with you. Maybe just a little bit envious, perhaps? Which they would never dare to admit, even to themselves?
.

[Cat_Whisperer]

@TreacherousCretin

At least sometimes, methinks they doth protest too much, sounding like they’re almost angry with you. Maybe just a little bit envious, perhaps? Which they would never dare to admit, even to themselves?
.

That’s sort of what it sounds like to me when I hear it, too. “You should have kids,” often sounds like it should have, “So you’d be miserable like everyone else” tacked onto the end of it.

[Kolga]

@TreacherousCretin

At least sometimes, methinks they doth protest too much, sounding like they’re almost angry with you. Maybe just a little bit envious, perhaps? Which they would never dare to admit, even to themselves?
.

Sometimes, yea, it sounds like they’re really pissed off that I made a different decision than they did. It’s similar in some ways to what the SO gets when people as him why he’s a vegetarian.

No matter what what I say, in no matter how mild or reasonable a tone, there are some (not all) who almost seem like they find my personal decision not to have children is a direct personal insult to them for making a different personal decision.