Children, Today's Lesson: Loss and Grief

Setting the Scene: If K-8 education was a sport, then the March IAR testing window would be our playoffs. Good or bad, fair or unfair, the IAR is how the educational worthiness of a school/district is judged by the state. So, it’s all hands on deck for the IAR. The test is administered in each classroom by the homeroom teacher, and that teacher has a paraprofessional as a TA during the testing period. In addition, the admins and tech people (me) act as proctors in the hallway. Each one of us proctors is responsible for an entire grade level, and there are a number of things we can do to address irregularities and difficulties that occur time to time. I have been proctoring the 8th grade classes and am stationed in the hallway at the northeast corner of the second floor. 7th grade is down the hall past the 8th grade, and their proctor is stationed at the southeast corner of the second floor. What’s important is that I’m in the hallway, and what happens next happens in the 7th grade classroom that is immediately adjacent to the 8th grade wing, so I had a very clear view of everything.

Just before testing was supposed to begin (9 am), three students, looking very upset, burst out of the 7th grade classroom nearest to me, crossed the hallway, and knocked vigorously on the classroom door of the 8th grade teacher who is the 8th grade team leader. They were let in and, only seconds later, they emerged with the 8th grade teacher and headed rapidly over to their 7th grade classroom. I saw the 7th grade test proctor get up and head there also. I immediately got on the Walkie-Talkie, explained the situation, and asked for backup. While admins were on their way, the 8th grade teacher emerged from the 7th grade classroom with their teacher who was sobbing and weeping almost hysterically. The few students I could see by the door were also crying.

It turns out that at her desk and in front of her students, she had received a call that her mother was dead. This unexpected and devastating news shattered her right there in front of her students. Suddenly, their “mom away from home” and the person who provides a steady and reliable influence was in complete pain and grief. That made the whole unexpected and shocking experience traumatic and emotionally destabilizing for them as well. When I was told what happened, I wept quietly at my desk. Fortunately, there was no one there to see me.

Though the standards and procedures governing IAR testing are rigorous, there are accommodations for special circumstances. Student trauma is definitely at the top of whatever list they have, and the request for rescheduling was approved in a virtual instant. Instead, two counselors were sent to the classroom to talk to the students and to listen to their feelings. They spent a good hour with them, and I’m glad they got that immediate, quality attention.

So, yes, today’s lesson for those children was the reality of loss and grief, things that none of us can escape. I hope we did the best job possible helping them deal with it.

A request: If you ever have to contact an employee or a student at school about something heartbreaking of this nature, please don’t contact them directly via cell phone. Call the school, explain the situation, and they will get the person down to the office where the person will be in a private, controlled space.

When my girls were in school they started testing. On Wednesday night one student was in a car that wrecked. Everything about the accident was devastating. A baby was ejected and died. The grandmother (retired teacher at this school)was killed and this student had a terrible head injury and died in a few days.

Testing for that whole hallway was rescheduled, like you say, in a heartbeat.
I was proctering the day it went down.

Every kid on that hall was crying. It was a right jag.
Me and another person were remarking how the tears spread. It seemed like it was flowing down the hallway like flood water.

We had every counselor in the school system there. The rest of the day. Lots of parents picked kids up.

No one got educated that day.

But, such is life.

My God, Beck, that’s schoolwide trauma in a major way.

Man public middle school culture is so different from ‘88 when I was in 7th grade. All incoming calls were thru the office. I miss the old days with less of this kind of exposure.

There is a special kind of heart-dropping when your principal walks in during the middle of class and simply states, “You need to take a call in the front office.” Not knowing what is about makes it a very long walk.