Christmas cards. Yawn.
Every year I get cards that sport the same sugary, formulaic phrases over and over without saying anything at all. I wish there were cards that really said how you feel. Things like:
“I Hope you feel better soon. The life support is really eating up my inheritance.”
“Hoping that all your Christmas obligations are fulfilled.”
“To a wonderful Nephew: Be grateful for the $25 check. You’re lucky my wife remembered you.”
“My mom made me send this card.”
Or haw about a card that says what they all really mean: “I have now formally acknowledged your existence. Now leave me alone.”
Contributions?
Last year I sent out cards to my clients that read:
To Whom It May Concern:
This is to inform you that you are wished a merry period of time up to and including December 25th and a happy period of time after, but not including, December 31st. The dates, December 26th to December 31st inclusive, can also, for purposes of this wish, be considered a time of merriment and/or happiness, at your discretion. Please be advised that wishes for peace, goodwill, comfort, and joy are also in effect as of this correspondence.
[Inside:] Thank you for your cooperation.
Credit is due to Carlton Cards, as I’d seen this on one of theirs many years ago. Wasn’t able to find ever again, though.
Please stop sending me cards so I can stop sending you cards.
I barely remember you, but you’re on the list. Hope you had another good year.