I’ll add Jim Croce’s It Doesn’t Have To Be That Way, and Dan Fogelberg’s *Another Auld Lang Syne *to that list.
Dang it, just because the song happens to mention something to do with the time of year, that doesn’t make it a Christmas song. The other problem with that is that then they don’t get played at other times.
And I’ll vote for (against?) Santa Baby and Wonderful Christmastime. Those are automatic station-changers.
I actually kind of miss the Bob & Doug McKenzie one.
Me too! “…and a beer…in a tree!”
I can’t STAND “Pretty Paper” by Willie Nelson.
~VOW
“Jolly Old St. Nicholas” has always driven me kind of crazy. The melody is all right (Why shouldn’t it be? It’s Pachelbel’s Canon), but those lyrics…! Just “Give us…Give us…Give us…”–nothing Christmas-y except pure unadulterated greed. It’s been revised over the years to take out some of the mustiness (“folly” to rhyme with “dolly” sounds not only forced, but ancient), and the original (annoying) ending, which amounts to “I’m too stupid to make up my own mind, you pick,” gets replaced with an inconclusive request for yet another toy.
Well, when my #Occupy buddies suggested caroling on Black Friday, I volunteered to come up with the material–and when the parody with Uncle Sam as Santa Claus wasn’t working out, it occurred to me: Why not just re-write the song once more to reflect a little actual Christmas spirit? So I came up with this:
JOLLY OLD ST. NICHOLAS (21st CENTURY VERSION)
COPYRIGHT N 2011 by Sam A. Robrin or whoever the hell it is who writes these things. Go ahead and use it (hey, I lifted the melody), but if you make a little money on it, I want some!
Jolly old St. Nicholas,
Glad to see you’re here!
There’s a special Christmas gift
That I want this year.
We live in a big, warm house,
Have three meals a day,
Clothes, and toys, and way more games
Than we’ll ever play.
You’ve been generous and kind
To our family.
Thanks for the surprises left
Underneath our tree.
But we got to worrying
When we heard about
Hungry, homeless families
Made to do without.
So we talked among ourselves;
This year, we’ve agreed–
[Spoken:] Even my dumb brother![/]–To
Help the kids in need.
Skip our house this Christmas Eve–
We don’t need more stuff!
Give those children what we’d get–
[Slowly:] For us, that’s gift enough.
I know I could have looked it up at any time - my point is, every single person who sings the song sings that one particular line as though they’ve suddenly stuffed their face with marshmallows.
(And what’s a “lovelight”, anyway?)
To add one more, inspired by my commute home tonight;
Any of Bob Rivers’ ‘Twisted Christmas’ songs. This kind of humor stopped being funny to me around the time I outgrew the Disney Channel. Unfortunately, since Bob Rivers’ home station is right near here in Seattle, it’s a given that I will have to listen to “I am Santa Claus” and “Walkin’ 'Round in Women’s Underwear” and “It’s the Most Fattening Time of the Year” over and over again. Weird Al would be spinning in his grave if he were dead.
“Five Golden TOOOOOOOOOOOQUES!”
[ul]
[li]Anything and everything named, as sung by a “country music artist”.[/li]
[li]I have it on good authority that McCartney wrote “Wonderful Christmastime” when he rushed to the studio to dick around with his brand new synthesizer and a big ass bag of weed.[/li]
[li]I don’t mind “Santa Baby”. I can’t help but hear “so hurry down the chimney tonight” as a filthy euphemism.[/li]
[li]“I’ll be Home for Christmas” is a good one *because *it is depressing. If you’ve ever had to be away from your family over the holidays, hearing that song is almost suicidally depressing – which is great. Just don’t clean your gun while it’s playing.[/li][/ul]
Yesss! Awful.
Also, re: Santa Baby, I’m in the Eartha can do no wrong camp.
Yesss! Awful.
Also, re: Santa Baby, I’m in the Eartha can do no wrong camp.
Yeah, it supposed to be depressing - it’s about GIs in WW2 who wouldn’t be home because they’re fighting a war.
Different song. That’s “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas”, which is a depressing song, and was even more depressing in the original. It was downright clinical in the first draft (before Judy Garland insisted it be changed to make it a little more upbeat).
I like it, though.
My mistake - I was confusing I’ll be home for Christmas with “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” which was from a movie about a family moving to New York.
Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer is actually not a terrible novelty song as novelty songs go. But it suffers from the fate of most novelty songs: it doesn’t stand up to repeated listening. If I heard it once every Christmas season I’d probably enjoy it each time and get a nice giggle out of it. Twice is pushing it. When I’ve heard it 143 times by December 1, somebody must die.
Last Christmas is just a BAD SONG, period. I guess it’s supposed to be a broken-hearted love song with a holiday theme, but it fails on all levels. The narrator is a dweeb, there’s no emotion in it, the melody is grating, etc. etc… BLEAGH.
Amazingly, I have never heard this *Christmas Shoes *song people keep talking about. I think I should consider myself fortunate.
Every song except the Carpenter’s cover of “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.”
How do you feel about the Roy Orbison version?
The flip side of this thread can be found here.
Happy XMas, War is Over. Hate it. It’s so bad it makes me want war to continue.
Oh, that’s another one I really don’t like, not as bad as Christmas Shoes, but one I would just assume turn the radio off during.