My grandfather is a Souther Baptist preacher (I know, everyone hates him now, right?). When my son and I go visit them we usually go to church with them on Sunday morning and then hang out with them till mid-afternoon. I am pretty much an agnostic, but I do this because it means a lot to my grandparents. I love them dearly and they are very good people. I have never heard them say a negative word about anyone in my life.
So yesterday after church we were mingling with the congregration. You know, the usual hand shaking and everyone saying how glad they were that we could attend. Everyone, that is, except for my cousin. She decides to come over and tell me what a hypocrite I am for showing up when I am not a true believer.
So, to my cousin. EAT SHIT!!! I wasn’t there for you. I was there because it means a lot to our grandparents, who honestly don’t have that much time left with us. I understand that I may actually have been acting a bit hypocritical. Going through the motions without the faith behind them. But honestly, how do they expect to get new members if she badgers the non-regular attendees as to their motives for showing up some Sunday?
I think that my cousin may be worried about not being the special one in the family who has the super close relationship with the grandparents. Every since I was a kid she has been going to church with my grandparents and is really the only one who has visited regularly with them. Most of the other grandkids have moved out of state and so she has kinda had them all to herself. Now that my son and I have started spending more time with them, she seems threatened. My grandmother is 79 and in seriously failing health. I want my son to be able to know them as much as possible before one or both of my grand parents dies. Is that so damn bad?
Hell no. Even before you mentioned the jealousy angle, that was my take on her comment. Too many people find some bogus religious justification for their personal viewpoints, vendettas, bigotry, etc. This would appear to be yet another example.
Do you lie to them about your religious beliefs? If not, your cousin has no business telling you whether or not you should show up. If you lie, well…that’s your thing. I don’t understand that kind of logic, but…whatever.
I would think that any church would want, more than anything else, to have non-believers attend. Otherwise how will they find anyone to convert?
I am sure that god would not mind your attending church as a kindness to your grandparents. I am sure god will take new prospects any way he can get them, and if your going to church out of regard for your relatives is the way he can get his message to you, I can’t imagine that he’s going to turn down that opportunity.
Ask your cousin how insulting and harrassing people is a demonstration of her Christian love and churchgoing worthiness.
Nobody has ever asked me what my religious beliefs were. If they did, then I would tell them the truth. I don’t know if there is a God or not. Last time (before this past weekend) I was in attendance was 3 weeks ago. They were having their Communion ceremony. I specifically did not participate since it was made very clear that this was important to them and was only to be done by the faithful. Nobody said anything to me about not participating. No one looked down their noses or anything.
Sounds to me like cousin is feeling a bit threatened. Any way that you can make her feel better(like say something nice about all her efforts to help your grandparents?).
Just don’t bring up the will or who gets the house…
In my book, as long as you don’t lecture people on why they should not go to church* (whether at church or at other times) you are not being a hypocrite for going to church.
And hey, you have a clearer idea of what you expect to get out of the service than some people do (time with relatives).
*This is different from commenting on the evil done by a particular church by condemning gays or whatever.
I am a grandmother. The greatest gift that you can give to your grandparents is to be yourself and to be present in their lives. The second best present is to love your cousin and overlook any shortcomings she may have.
Grandparents can be an endless source of love. Each grandchild is special. The love is multiplied, not diminished. Find a way of showing that to your cousin if you can.
OMG! This is hilarious. I wish you could see where my grandparents live you so you could appreciate the humor in this.
They live in 2 bedroom OLD farmhouse (without the farm) with exposed plumbing and gas heaters in every room. They are simple people, but they are the salt of the earth as far as I am concerned.
I just decided to write off the incident with my cousin. After I posted the OP I seemed to calm down and not be so pissed. I’ll continue to spend time with them since I’m doing it for me, my son, and them and not in the least bit for my cousin. She can be a bitch sometimes, but so can everyone else I know.
Yes, I was thinking that might be the case, or something like it, when I wrote that, but you know the old saying: “Where there’s a will, there’s a relative.”
And you wouldn’t believe what tiny estates some people will fight to the death over. :eek:
