Church Announcement Boards

You know, the ones outside some churches, that have announcements, and sometimes “witty” sayings on them? Usually they’re bad, bad puns, but sometimes they’re just surreal. For a long time, my favorite was one I saw around Easter time a few years ago:

Umm, chocolate, please.

But today I found a new favorite, which probably just displays my own personal warped sense of humor. It said:

And I said to myself, I thought that was Huitzilopochtli. I couldn’t help imagining the good, civilized members of this local Baptist church on Sundays. “Do you accept Jesus? Praise the Lord! Come on up to the altar! Bob, get me my obsidian knife.”

The church on the corner of my street has an honest-to-God (if you will lit marquee advertising their Easter Passion Play. The thing I like best about it is that the name of this play is “He’s Gone.” Every tiem I go past that sign, I think, “But he’s coming back!”

This morning’s sermon: Jesus walks on the water

This evening’s sermon: Searching for Jesus

The church down the street from me has a board that they change frequently. My favourite one read “God prefers fruits of the spirit to religious nuts.” Ah, to have had a camera with me that day.

Jinwicked, I was going to report the same sign! But mine was in Seattle. Do you think they have some central clearinghouse for dumb slogans?

This one sounds like a myth, but a friend of mine has a photograph: “Don’t let worry kill you. Let the church help.”

Whenever the weather around here passes the ninety degree mark, the church a few miles down the road always puts “You think it’s hot HERE?” on the sign.

How about:

THIS SIGN IS BROKEN. PLEASE COME INSIDE FOR MESSAGE.

A church I sometimes pass on an alternate route to work has had this sign up for months:

I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST NIGHT.

– GOD

I can’t imagine the sort of mind that thinks that’s a positive message.

[Obligatory Simpsons Reference]

God Welcomes His Victims

[/OSR]

“In a world of empty superlatives, God is the greatest”
Um, OK