The fundies HAVE a sense of humor, and, as it turns out, it’s as dark as mine…
Check out these two gems, spotted on local Churches, and feel free to contribute your own.
Stop, Drop, And Roll Won’t Work in Hell.
Santa Claus Never Died for Anyone.
“For all you do, His blood’s for you” (gratuitous quotation marks included)
And seen in Florida in August:
Our church is prayer conditioned!
Something like “The best kind of fire insurance.” I think a friend of mine actually saw it and told me about it… I don’t go near a lot of churches. 
There’s a church around here that has a sign that they paint (not one with changable letters). They have slogans and stuff that they find funny (I guess). One of the latest ones was “GOD IS NOW HERE”. This is kind of funny on it’s own, as it implies God wasn’t there before. It gets better though, as they decided to paint it without spaces, leaving “GODISNOWHERE” Pretty much everyone reads it the wrong way the first (or second… or third…) time.
Just in case you still don’t see it… it says GOD IS NOWHERE
Not intentional, I don’t think; but on a local church several years ago was this admonition:
“Ye Must All Become As Little Children”
In one corner at the bottom of the sign in smaller letters:
Nursery Provided
This isnt related to the op but in response to latch’s post, i actually saw a story line with that as the ‘punchline’ i guess. It was in a US show called Miracles, with Skeet Ulrich in the main role. He investigtes occurances that the church doesn’t want to deem as miracles.
Anyhoo, he was investigating this kid who was healing ppl while getting sicker himself. the end of the episode has the kid dying in a car crash and the words ‘God is now here’ appearing on his forehead in blood.
Skeet freaks and tells his church advisor dude and the guy asks exactly how hw saw it appear, as when it has been seen previously (only 4 times) it always appeared as ‘god is nowhere’ and was supposedly satans way of trying to corrupt those who were devoutly religious.
But back to the OP, i saw a sign out the front of a lil church in NSW that read ‘Queensland or New South Wales, the only winner is GOD’. This was at the time of our State of Origin series in Rugby League.
BTW for anyone thats interested, the mighty maroons won the series that year.
A mighty maroon is our god…
Bugs Bunny used to use maroon as an insult, after all.
The sign itself wasn’t funny, but my sister’s neighbors had a sign on their lawn a while ago that said, “God votes Pro-Life”
My first thought was, “Is God even registered to vote? I wonder what he writes down for his permanent address.” Then I thought, “Oh well, even in America his vote only counts for one, maybe three if you want to count the whole Trinity. I bet it’s the apostles voting the other way, they got the Trinity outnumbered after all.”
Now the neighbors have a sign in their yard (which I’ve seen a lot lately) that’s just a green sign with white lettering that reads “Jesus.” Everytime I see one of these signs I have the urge to stop the car, knock on the door and in a bad Mexican accent say to whoever answers, “Jes? I am Hay-soos, joo got my name in the jard. Joo wanna talk to me?”
That’s good stuff. Personally, I’d either walk by and yell “YES?!?” (or “WHAT?!?”), or just reply in kind to their sign, and start yelling “JESUS!” every time I passed by.
The last time my boyfriend visited, we saw this one on a church:
The best way to ask for something…
is on your knees
Provided laughs for the entire weekend, that one did.
Not a church, but a Christian bookstore along my route home:
“What if he had been born in Bethlehem… Pennsylvania?”
This is a real head scratcher. In fact, I react to it much as Lewis Black did to “If it wasn’t for my horse…” I don’t get it.
Years ago there was a sign at a church near the city which said, “Jesus Saves.” Someone wrote underneath it: “In this day and age, that IS a miracle.”
“Sign broken. Please come inside for message.”
Driving home from the beach as a small child I always looked for a certain spot on I-65 North. It was a huge water wheel with a big sign next to it that read, “Go to Church or the Devil Will Get You.”
I remember it scaring the crap out of me.
I drove by there a few weeks ago and saw it again and just had to kind of laugh.
There is a small church on my route to work that has a sign that reads, “The best way to talk to God is knee-mail.”
A church a few blocks from here has had a placard on view for as long as I can remember. It fades after a time, but is always replaced by an identical one. The message? “Repent Now, Avoid the Rush on Doomsday.”
From the vast ccwaterback spam archive:
Church Bloopers
These are ACTUAL announcements from ACTUAL church bulletins.
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Don’t let worry kill you – let the church help.
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Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
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For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
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This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
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Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
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Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing “Put me in my little bed” accompanied by the pastor.
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Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be “Little Mothers” will meet with the Pastor in his study.
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This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
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The service will close with “Little Drops of Water.” One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in
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Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.
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The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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The preacher will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, “Break Forth With Joy.”
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Today…Christian Youth Fellowship House Sexuality Course, 8 p.m. Please park in the rear parking lot for this activity.
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During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A. B. Doe supplied our pulpit.
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The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.
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The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Shirley Green who has Mrs. Green with him.
After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens. -
The `eighth graders’ will be presenting Shakespeare’s “Hamlet” in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
This morning’s sermon – “Jesus walks on the water”
This evening’s sermon – “Searching for Jesus”
satan- give him an inch and he’ll think he’s a ruler.
There’s a church in a nearby town that I look forward to passing every week. Some of its gems include:
When God made man she was only fooling.
Prayer: The ultimate in wireless communication.
(during heatwave) You think it’s hot in here?!
“As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in school!”