Generally, I don’t have a problem with those messages one typically sees on signs out in front of churches. In my community, most of the messages, whether one agrees with them or not, are both positive and benign, such as: God loves you
Visitors welcome
And, my personal favorite, If you smile at me I will understand, because that is something everybody does in the same language
(I figure the minister at that church must surely be some old hippy, seeing as the line was lifted from an old Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young song)
There is one church locally that insists on referencing apocalyptic bible verses. I have been keeping a tally over the past three weeks:
WEEK 1-The Revelation, 12:3-4
WEEK 2-Jeremiah, 22:5-9
WEEK 3-Lamentations 1:1-22
I should point out that this church has a congregation that is very anti-government. This fact may explain their recent choice of verses. I tend to ignore such hateful references, and they are very much in the minority around here.
The messages that do tend to annoy me are the “pun-filled” dollops of wisdom that I see popping up as dandelions all the time. You know the ones I’m talking about: Seven days without church makes One Weak (an oldie, but a goodie) Give Satan an inch and he’ll be a Ruler
…if you think it’s hot here…
Today, I believe I saw the most annoying one of all. I present it to you, dear reader, in all its glory, complete with all capital letters:
GOD ANSWERS KNEE-MAIL
All I can say is ::::::::::::groan::::::::::::::::::
Has anyone else seen any other winners they would like to nominate?
There’s one down the road from Vista High School that ticked me off every morning I saw it:
Oh, yeah, Reverend Sphincter, let’s put covetous assholes in the same category of people dying of cancer because they can’t afford chemo and don’t have health coverage.
Being Jewish, I think the whole idea of putting up message boards with sayings is bizzare. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a temple with a message board that said anything else on it other than Friday, Cohen Bar Mitzvah
(maybe its a regional thing)
There is one that I saw ten years ago and it STILL PISSES me off.
The Only Thing You Miss By Not Being A Christian Is Hell
Doesn’t that seem like the most un-Christian like thing to say?
I saw one I didn’t think was too bad: Sign Broken
Message Inside
No preaching to you as you drive by, if you want to hear what they have to say, go in. If you go into the church and ask what the message is, then it’s your own fault for asking.
I’m still trying to understand Miss Creant’s example. The Only Thing You Miss By Not Being A Christian Is Hell
What does that even mean? If you’re not a Christian you’re missing Hell? So then if I am a Christian, I’ll be sure to catch it? Is this supposed to be an incentive?
Well, now that makes more sense. The other way, I didn’t see the advantage to being a Christian at all. I was wondering why you’d be offended at that. Now I understand.
The church closest to me has the “Sign broken” one; I think there must be a newsletter.
But the one that ticks me off is on the other side: We’re to blessed to be depressed
Or get religion and your depression will be cured. They don’t know jack-shit about depression, do they?
This has been said before, but I saw a flyer the other day at my college campus for one of the campus ministries (can’t remember which one). It dealt with a philosophy class. The graphic was a chalkboard with a Philosophy 101 sign above it. On the chalkboard was written:
Not so much annoying signs as a funny one I’ve seen.
Many churches use their sign to announce the theme of the sermon. This one would also indicate who was preaching each week as well. This led to some signs like :
God’s Greatest Gift
Pastor Smith
Mankind’s Biggest Mistake
Pastor Johnson
I go by there every now and then, but they haven’t had a good one in a while.
Nocturne, I thought that was pretty funny too (and I also am Christian) I remember laughing pretty hard when I read the first two lines in … the Infocom game The Lurking Horror [sup][/sup] of all places.
[sup][/sup]A tribute to MIT by (Lebling, I think). The two lines were graffiti in the elevator. Anyone know if this was actually there?
The Baptist church across from my old apartment complex had a really odd one…
“Jesus’ Crucifixion: The ultimate body piercing”
Pretty cool folk there, they came over to our complex and invited new residents to services, and offered us the use of the church basement in case of tornadoes.
This was on the marquee at a Christian Bookstore rather than a church, but it still cracked me up: "Do or do not. There is no try.
I don’t think they knew they were quoting the Book of Yoda, but it was gone the next day…
