Fundaligonism. Hallelujahgobble.
“Eternal salvation or triple your money back.” That is a quality catch-phrase.
At least I’ll get $90 in Hell to spend any-which-way-I-want-to…
in which MrO has the honor of appearing in a crowd scene:cool:
But while you were there, you were actually me.
It’s transubgeniization.
I’m not a member, despite my Yeti blood, so I can’t say whether eternal salvation is worth $30. However, the profound cosmic insights revealed in the Book of the SubGenius are well worth your hard-earned cash.
“Bob”, of course, also has shown all a sign, by becoming runaway winner of Time Magazine’s poll of the Biggest Phonies of the 20th Century. Being the ONLY religion/cult/church leader/father figure that made the cut (what can you expect from AOL-Time-Warner? their pinkness defies imagination – but it won’t defy the Stark Fist of Removal) that can only be PROOF that he is for real. WHAT he is for real, that’s another $30…
Last I heard the right reverand Ivan Stang was living in Cleveland Oh. I work in downtown Cleveland myself and the other day I was behind a silver convetable, a mustang I think, (hmmm… Musstang…hmmm) anyway, I noticed that the liscense plate read ISTANG, I wanted to follow it and find out more but then I’d have been late.
Just like me, to quite possibly have a glimpse of the master and pass up a chance to corner him and wrest the secret of eternal slackness from him and I go to work instead.
Dang. 
anyone else enjoy High Weirdness By Mail?
IT’S A JOKE.
Well, uh. . . COOL! And praise Bob. Let there be slack.
Elvic because we worship Elvis Presley; Conservative denotes the greasy pompadour we are distinguished by (Orthodox Elvic Subgenii wear the sideburns too).
My church is called the Tupelo Church of the Benediction, or TCB for short.
Four times a day, I face Memphis and swallow a whole bunch of pills, all at once.
Actually, since I’ve ordained a number of people, I’m probably a bishop or something (it works kind of like Amway, but with less markup on the pills).
In fact, one of the people I’ve ordained is a regular on the SDMB who has not come forward yet – I will let him do so at his convenience.
Praise Bob, and pass the bacon/banana sandwiches.
So, what did you guys do on X-Day?
I was pointing and laughing, myself. Admittedly, it was at a couple of fire ants, but they got me back, they did.
You will see how much of a “joke” it is when “Bob” returns in glory to sodomize the pinks’ wallets. And when the Xians come on their habachopperfrabulaks, don’t try that “It’s a joke.” crap on them, or you’ll be eating backwards forever through your third mouth.
You were warned.
Since this is GQ, I will take a moment to explain to the latents and pinks that X-Day was July 5, 1998 at 7:00 a.m. On that date, the PreScriptures, which were revealed to “Bob” during a horrifyingly botched hernia operation in the late 50’s and given to Stang and Drummond for the first Book of the SubGenius, predicted that the Men from the Planet X (or “Xists”) would come down in their great silver spaceships and take the Slackful (at least those who had paid their $30 to the mother church) away to be pleasured by alien Sex Goddesses while the Conspiracy-tainted world was destroyed in ways too horrible and elaborate to go into at this time. As you may have noticed, this didn’t happen as scheduled, although we have several theories as to why. It seems the date was written by “Bob” on a cocktail napkin and given to the esteemed Doktors, who may have read it upside down, thus reading “8661” as “1998.” There seems to be also considerable question as to which, if any, recognizable human calendar the Xists use, so therefore the Church holds an official gathering every year around July 5th just in case the saucers come. It’s also a good excuse to get together and party naked.
By the way, the next X-Day Gathering will by July 2-6, 2003, at the Brushwood Folklore Center in Sherman, New York. Check it out at http://www.subgenius.com/bigfist/fun/devivals/6XDay/6X-Day.html. Also at http://www.subgenius.com/newdevivals.html.
This will be the last and most important event in human history. Don’t miss it!
Well, isn’t one of the Church’s sayings “Fuck 'em if they can’t take a joke?”
So it’s no less serious than any other world religion.
Isn’t it “Joke 'em if they can’t take a fuck?”
No, it’s “Take ‘em if the can’t fuckin’ joke.”
All of the above are correct.
Nothing is true.
Everything is permissible.