"Citizen Zombie!" "Gone with the Zombies!"

Cafe Society
#1

In the Pirates of the Caribbean thread, Dropzone asked, “And is this the very first time I was disappointed that a movie had zombies?”

Which got me to thinking . . . Which good movies would be made better, or bad movies good, with the addition of zombies? For instance, I think Gone with the Wind is an OK movie: but how much better if Scarlett and Rhett had to fight off evil undead Union soldiers besieging Tara? “Lawzy, Miz’ Scarlett, I don’ know nuthin’ ‘bout killin’ no zombies!”

Or Bringing Up Baby, where Katharine Hepburn and Cary Grant have to find a dinosaur bone stolen by their zombie dog, George.

Or, The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, where . . . Oh, wait, never mind . . .

#2

Gentlemen Prefer Zombies, in which lovely undead temptresses Marilyn Monroe and Jane Russell lure unsuspecting victims to a horrible fate . . .

#3

How about A Night at the Opera, with half the people in the stateroom scene zombies?

Or Swing Time – the “Pick Yourself Up” number would have a whole new resonance with Fred, Ginger, and a cast of zombies.

#4

Jurassic Zombies. Like the dinosaurs weren’t bad enough.

Zombie Graffitti. Drag racing vs. zombies. Wait. That’d be pretty easy…

Three Men and a Zombie. Hilarity ensues.

#5

A Zombie Named Desire
In High Noon, the Cooper character is a zombie
Taxi Driver’s Travis Bickle becomes a zombie
In The Sound Of Music, Julie Andrews is zombie

#6

My Fair Zombie, with Rex crooning “I’ve Grown Accustomed to Your Face.”

#7

Boxing Zombies, A Legless, Armless Torso has to go Toe to Toe against Zombies, using only her Wits, Brains and a Keen Mind.

#8

I think they already filmed that one . . .

#9

Saving Private Zombie, in which a band of intrepid zombie soldiers staves off attacks from the living to ferry one of their own back to his mama zombie.

#10

Channel 7
8:00 - 10:00

What’s Easting Gilbert Grape’s Brain (1985)

The touching story of an impoverished family made up of a morbidly obese mother and her children, including the mentally retarded Gilbert Grape. Suspense builds as zombies attempt to eat both the mother and Gilbert’s brain, only realize that the grotesque mother alone is more than they can handle. Grape’s brain does make a fine after-dinner mint.

#11

I Was a Zombie For The FBI!

#12

Ok, we’ll need an armload of plywood, five shotguns, a box of nails, a box of ammo, and two hardboiled eggs.

#13

Or the scene in Pulp Fiction where Zombie Vincent and Zombie Jules really enjoy cleaning up the mess in the back of the car.

Just don’t ask Jules to eat pork brains.

#14

My Dinner With a Zombie - Wallace Shawn and a zombie discuss life and philosophy over a dinner of brains.

To Kill a Zombiebird - in this sequel to Harper Lee’s timeless classic of racisim and understanding, Atticus and Scout open up a can of whup-ass on a bunch of zombies.

The Bicycle Thief 2003 - In this touching Italian film set during the depression, a man must comb the city with his son searching for his stolen bicycle so that he may work and feed his family. Oh, and did I mention that they’re zombies?

#15

honk Make that three hardboiled eggs.

#16

*Saving Private Zombie[/i9]—whoops. Too late.

#17

Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Zombie Sisterhood

Riding in Cars with Zombies

The Joy Luck Zombie Club

My Big Fat Zombie Wedding

(As a point of fact, I did spend my time watching all of the above movies hoping that zombies would make an appearance.)

#18

MrVisible

I shared that hope in those flics!

Even a shark would have helped.

#19

The movie probably would be worse, but I like the line…

“Get your stinking hands off me, you damn dirty zombie!”

#20

La Dolce Zombie, in which Marcello Mastrioanni and Anita Ekberg frolic around Roman with elegant, degenerate zombies.

It Happened One Night of the Living Dead, in which a zany heiress elopes with a zombie.