I started out a poor, mistrustful, floundering kid in a cold dark world, made a good friend who overnight transformed in my eyes into a man, whose love was so strong and authentic I didn’t understand it or trust it. He drove to my house and met me at the door with a bouquet of flowers, and about 3 hours into our new relationship I broke up with him because I couldn’t cope with the intensity and I didn’t understand what I was feeling. I just started sobbing, ‘‘I’m sorry, I can’t, I don’t know why, I just can’t.’’ He held me while I wept, whispered, ‘‘It’s okay. I just want what’s best for you,’’ and then while I slept that night he stayed up writing a 9 page handwritten letter professing his undying love. The next day, he boarded a plane for Europe. I knew the moment he was gone how much I loved him. I showed my Aunt his picture and said, ‘‘Take a good look. I’m going to marry him.’’
3 long-distance months, and four years later, I did. The wedding was perfect.
Reminded me of my own- became best friends with a girl in College, but it turned out she fell for HER Crush from like the 2nd grade in a foreign country, who literally walked in out of the rain the night the girl and I met, and we three all became friends. And then I ended up being both of their good friends, and then it was like the quote above- but I was the best friend that took her away from him.
However, Karma was a bitch, and as the summer ended, she ended up going back to him, and so I then lost MY love interest to a good friend. There were a couple of other romantic cliches mixed in along the way, but I’d rather not think about them…
On a different and more amusing note:
-My sister set a "trap" for me, where she attached a small rubber ball on an elastic cord to the ceiling, and then spied on me. I walked into it, noticed it and then swatted it away. Sure enough- *TWACK*
The ball flew back at me and hit me square in the Groin. I clutched at myself in pain, and angrily kicked the small rubber ball away.
Only to realize moments later that "oh yeah, still attached to the Rubber Cord..."
*TWACK*
Hit myself in the nuts twice by that stupid device.... :smack:
My sister still cracks up at that story of her "trap"
I took my dog, a cairn terrier (like the little dog in The Wizard of Oz), for a walk one day and as we were walking, the skies started turning progressively darker and a wind kicked up. By the time I got back to my house, the wind was whipping through the trees all around us and it had just started to rain. I turned to my little doggie, as we scurried up the driveway, and shouted over the wind, “Toto, I don’t think we’re in Kansas any more…” I resisted the desire to call out for Auntie Em.
Nothing nearly as funny as everyone else. My brother in law was a used car salesman. Who sold a lemon to my mother. :rolleyes: Now he is my ex-brother in law, not for that reason, but he did fill the role of the stereotype very well.
I also slipped on a banana peel one day many years ago. I was thankful I had a reliable witness with me at the time as I figured people may not believe the tale. I immediately regretted that I did not slip over completely onto my ass which would’ve made the story a lot better. I have since learned a female friend of mine has slipped on a banana peel as well.
Before my parents got together, they were in a group of friends that included my father and one of his cousins, who share the same name and surname. One was a bespectacled, balding, bookish nerd, the other was a handsome ladies’ man. They both wooed my mother and she chose the safe option.
Nearly 50 years later, they’re still together.
psycat slipping on a banana peel is quite humorous. when my sister told me she was pregnant with twins I was taking a sip of diet coke at that exact moment and I spit it right in her face with surprise.
I ended up stranded in a very religiously-focused southern town (they had Jesus quote billboards all over the place), and at 3 AM, durring an insomnia-laden walk, I got interrogated by a cop. Part of the cop’s interrogation included (after learning my last name) “Are you jewish, boy…?”
Very creepy moment.
Some years back I’d spent a day working in the yard, and was sitting up on the edge of the truck bed drinking iced tea and resting. When I slid off the truck without looking down I landed on a old-style metal rake and the handle flipped up and hit me square on the forehead. I then bent over in pain and smacked my head on the truck gate.
There are two sort of funny things here, besides the cliche. One is that it happened so fast that it took me a moment to piece together what had happened. The second is that even now, years later, if my wife recalls this story she laughs so hard she can’t stand up.
I was in a big city with a couple hours to kill. I had ordered a beer in a brewpub and was nursing it, as I had left most of my vacation $ back at the place I was staying and could not afford another with what I had on me (I will not use a credit card in a pub). I write a few postcards while I am relaxing, then I look at my few ounces of beer…
and there is a fly floundering in it…
I feel like I’m in an old joke, but I say apologetically “O waiter?..”
He comes over, nods, and takes my glass to the bartender. She inspects it, says “Backstroke… what was yours?” I tell her, and she fills me a new glass. I tip them the last of my $ and enjoy my second beer.
One of the other kids in my summer camp had one in his potatoes. His “Brother, there’s a fly in my potatoes” was drowned by the rest of us exclaiming “Father, that’s not fair, he’s got protein and we don’t!” He shut the hell up, glared at the rest of us (who raised our eyebrows at him), took the cadaver out of his plate, dumped it onto the ground, and we all went back to eating our protein-less potatoes.
We were 15ish, dagnabit, if it ain’t alive you can eat it…
I had a one night romance with a stranger on a train. We stayed up all night sharing confidences, fell in love, kissed at the last stop and never saw each other again.
On that trip, he had a minidisc player and introduced me to Lovage’s cheesy, steamy song “Strangers on a train.”
I was painting a bathroom, standing on the tub to reach the ceiling. Stepping off the tub, my foot landed square into a nearly-full 5-gallon bucket of white paint.
About 5 years ago my sister and I were in a car accident. Neither of us were badly hurt so the tow truck driver drove us to the garage; on the way there I called for my brother to pick us up.
It was kind of chilly and I kept sticking my hands in my pockets but something kept snagging. So I pulled out my hand to take a better look and said, “Dammit, I broke a nail.” The two of us cracked up laughing just from the tension and the corny line.
Also, the last time I went for a haircut the hairdresser did the “couldn’t find her glasses which were on top of her head” routine. On the way home I laffed.
Several years ago I was wandering around the exhibition hall of a conference I was attending for work. All of a sudden, the loudest imaginable voice came over a nearby speaker to give an announcement. It scared me so much that I jumped and spilled my coffee all over my shirt.
I had just come back home in Illinois from a *very *depressing trip to Nevada (went out to meet an online boyfriend and he broke up with me on the last day). I was at the Metra station in my city, feeling very morose, and flat-fucking-exhausted from lack of sleep and crying. I had called a cab company on the train and they promised (in broken English) that they would have one waiting for me there at the appropriate time. Naturally, it wasn’t there. I called them back and they said that all their cabs were booked for the entire night, then hung up on me. Then my phone died because the battery drains in airport/roaming modes. I didn’t have any quarters for the pay phone.
It was raining very hard (this is very important to the iconic-ness of the scene). If it weren’t raining, I might have just walked the couple miles home, even though my luggage was heavy. But with the rain, it was out of the question. I was using a large cloth duffel bag with wheels for a suitcase, and a cloth backpack for a carry-on, and the rain would have soaked my clothes and electronics all the way through.
My mom was out of town for the weekend. My sister was holed up studying for finals and I couldn’t get ahold of her. I had only been living in Aurora for a couple months after dropping out of school, and didn’t have any friends. So I just kinda collapsed onto a bench and started crying, feeling sorry for myself. I was pretty sure I’d end up either walking home or sitting at the station overnight (maybe a cop would come by and give me a ride home).
Then, I got a visit from a wise janitor. Actually, he was an employee of the city, and I don’t think he was a janitor (maybe a groundskeeper or utility dude, he had one of those green and white city of Aurora trucks). He was a very old, very nice, black guy. He saw me being all pathetic on the bench with my luggage and asked me what was wrong. I explained the situation, and he took pity and offered me a ride home. yaaaay! On the way, he asked me what I went to Nevada for (he saw the return tag on my bag when he put it in the truck) and I explained. He gave me a lot of advice on that short drive, some of it from a religious perspective that I don’t necessarily put any stock in, but he still knew just what to say. I arrived home feeling much better. I offered to tip him but he wouldn’t think of it
I don’t believe in god, but I still thank god that I met my wise janitor that day. He said a lot of stuff that I kinda needed to hear. (I’m still young and have my health, my family’s alive and I should be grateful, etc)
Several years ago, I had physical therapy following a knee injury. At the final visit, when the doctor asked me how everything was healing up, I told him, “Everything feels fine – except it still hurts when I do this.”
With a perfectly deadpan expression, he answered: “Don’t do that.”
My friend and I were at Six Flags, and some hot-ass beeyotches passed by. He was so spellbound by their asses that he walked right into a light pole. Can’t say “face-first,” because his neck was twisted back, but definitely chest-first…
