I’m a fat lady and was also a fat kid. During a game of Musical Chairs, some time in high school I sat down on a chair too fast and it broke.
One time I really needed a policeman and surprise one walks around the corner to help me. Now whenever I say where the police when you need them? I always have a good story to tell.
When I was a kid a dropped a large rock on my bare foot. I literally grabbed the wounded foot in my hands and hopped around in a circle. Now that I think about it I may have seen stars circling my head too. I guess that’s more slapstick than cliche.
I did that once too, except mine was completely by accident. I’m glad nobody else saw it happen.
I once got told by a guy wearing tweeds and a flat cap, accompanied by a spaniel and holding a shotgun to ‘Get off his land’.
We’d got lost trying to follow a badly signposted footpath. I didn’t know guys like that were real.
A long time ago, I went to a pharmacy to buy a package of Depends. I was hoping against hope for an extremely quick “put your cash on the counter and disappear” transaction, but the young female clerk couldn’t find a price tag on them (I think this was before UPC scanners were ubiquitous)
And so, yes, she got on the PA system to request a price check. And then we waited.
And we waited.
And waited some more.
Yes, it was as uncomfortable as it sounds.
Finally a reply came back with a price, and I was able to conclude the most embarrassing transaction of my life.
Me too. I still remember the “pop” sound the rake made when it hit me in the head. I think I might have been concussed.
A couple weeks ago I was at the grocery store and managed to pick a cart with a wonky wheel that kept pulling it to the right. And as I was trying to force the thing to go straight, I thought to myself “Jeez, this thing steers like a…”
One that I don’t think is a cliché, but damn well should be: I got hospitalized a while back, and, well, it was bad. Like, if it were any movie or an episode of any television series, they’d show the audience that It’s Kind Of Serious by showing that the guy in the hospital bed has an IV in his arm. Useful shorthand, right?
So I’m in a hospital bed, and they put an IV in my arm – and then put another IV in my other arm. And all I can think is, wait, how have I never seen this in a movie? Because if it happened in a movie, it’d neatly signal to the audience that, oh, hey, this is Really Serious for the injured firefighter or the hero cop or whatever.
It later dawns on me that, oh, hey, maybe this is really serious.
Once my friend and I were moving a folding table full of pot luck food items at a picnic.
A fly landed on my nose. And no amount of shaking my head, rubbing it on my shoulder of blowing would make the fly leave for more than a few seconds only to land back in the same spot.
My friend at the other end of the table saw it all and was laughing his ass off. How we managed to not spill any food, I’ll never know.
I was expecting the end of that sentence to be something about singing.
For me as well.
When I was in grade school, I developed a crush on the Girl Next Door.
I was helping someone move, and two guys picked up some long object, and broke a window with it. When they turned around to see the broken window, they swung the object into another window.
My brother was driving, and had a CD in the player. A song came on that my grandmother (in the front passenger seat) objected to for some reason. She started randomly hitting buttons on the radio, trying to turn it off, but never managed to stop the song. She hit like, a dozen buttons, and missed “POWER,” and “EJECT.” And I guess, “CD/RADIO.” My brother said “Here, let me do it,” and tried to hit the power button, but my grandmother kept jamming at buttons, and he didn’t take his eyes off the road, so she effectively slapped his hand away. I was in the back seat cracking up, because it was like a scene in a movie.
I remember the first time that someone pointed a gun at me and threatened to kill me. I was about 17, and I was really surprised when my life started flashing before my eyes.
I thought it was bunk, but it actually happened to me. I remember telling the dude with the gun in a deadpan voice that my life had just flashed before my eyes, and it was so depressing he might as well pull the trigger. Him and his buddy started laughing, and because of that terrible joke, I made a couple new friends and managed to get out of the situation without getting shot.
When my dad was a kid, he was having fun and games and then he lost an eye.
The FIRST time?!? :eek:
Sitting on the bank at the lake watching other people fish, and find a hook and line lying on the ground. Pick it up and say, “All I need now is some bait,” and at that very moment someone cast and a piece of cheese flew out of the sky landed on the ground right in front of me. It was truly a real life experience of “Ask and ye shall receive.”
Oh, and “he made a couple of new friends”. Whhhhhaaaaaat.
As for me, as a 12 year old I did some Mythbuster-style tests of cartoon tropes. I intentionally stepped on a rake in my backyard, and then at school, dropped a banana peel on the cafeteria’s tile floor and stepped on it.
The rake handle flew up much faster than I could react to, and smacked me straight in the face. I was dazed.
Almost faster than I could realize, my foot on the banana peel shot out from under me and I took an immediate pratfall.
My uncle too. When they were pretty young he and my dad and a few friends were poking at a garden snake with sticks…I don’t know the details, other than Dad and Uncle swearing they were just playing with the snake not trying to hurt it, but somehow my uncle got poked in eye with one of the sticks (apparently held by one of the other boys, not my dad or uncle). He has a glass eye now.