A co-worker who is college educated, successful and quite respected professionally is inclined to start throwing the word “nigger” around when he’s had a few beers at company get togethers, and feels he’s in “safe” company. He’s a church going conservative and is usually fairly circumspect about his language, so it’s unusual to hear him say this. He doesn’t say it so much in the context of attacking black people directly (at least in public) but more as a negative modifier in conversational horseplay. Such as “I’m not your beer nigger” when too often asked to get some brews, or "stop being an “igger in the 100 acre wood” when someone is teasing him. How he uses it at home no one knows.
It’s irksome to some people like myself and a few others (we’ve discussed it), but no one has said anything so far. Starting what is likely to be a bitter fight in an environment where we have to work very closely together to get things done is not something we typically want to do.
As a side note we are commissioned sales people and independent contractors, not salaried employees, so the 'boss" in this case (who is present when he does this) does not have a big whip hand, and he’s not inclined to start trouble if it can be avoided with a productive employee.
This co-worker’s teenage son (who is in Jr College) was visiting the office after working hours the other day, and his father greeted him jovially with “'sup”, the son immediately got irritated and said “Don’t say that you sound like a nigger!”. So now the torch has been passed.
I was not present for the son’s visit, but I’m wondering if I was would I have said anything. I thinking that I would but after the fact musings are easy.
Would you say something in this context? What would you say?
This is just me - and no one has ever accused me of being a shrinking violet - but absolutely I would say something. I would probably say something like “I find your choice of words appalling and I would prefer you not use racist language around me.” If he protested or continued doing it, it’s possible I would get a little less polite about it.
Most places I’ve worked, that would be grounds for immediate dismissal. Although I’m usually content to allow people to be as big of a jackass as they like.
This sounds like the sort of thing where the word is offensive in and of itself, rather than just because of the meaning, and I hate that.
But I do think you should let him know that his son is picking it up, and this can be very bad for him socially. The guy can choose to rebel agains the idea that a word should be inherently offensive, taking the social implications on himself, but he shouldn’t be making that decision for his son.
And as much as I used to think it was silly, it is very difficult not to pick up the type of language used around you. You start thinking in the vocabular you are exposed to, and then it eventually slips out.
Shouldn’t it? For fuck’s sake what the hell would you have to do otherwise? Just in case you’re on the fence still, yeah, “I’m not your beer nigger” ought to get you fired real fucking quick.
Anybody can get a college education. This man can say it behind the wrong person’s back and get away with it, so tell him you don’t want to hear it. Since everyone has freedom of speech and his son is of none of your concern, treat him as a worker, think of him as a working partner. Never give him the impression that he’s anything more than that, he’s not. I strongly advice you try to get used to ignoring him, there’s a three day hump to that, the first few days he may be a guy who says “Nigger” and who has taught his son to do so through poor role modeling, in three days he’s just a worker.
A boss can fire you for no reason if he feels the need. In the work world there is a certain level of surrender that not everyone can handle. My Coach can’t handle a kid being a jackass, if he see’s us fooling around he’ll be inclined to push his level of authority, putting his hands on a wrestler for example. It hasn’t happened but trust me he’s capable of it if it comes to him having to surrender to any extent.
I don’t know that I would be inclined to sack someone without first giving them a chance to modify their unwanted behavior. However if it had come up in an interview they would not have been employed. So I can understand that plenty of people would sack someone for their out of work behavior. After all, surely there are hundreds of things that you do in your own time that could get you sacked.
Whilst casually tossing around racial epithets isn’t a good thing, were there any black people present at this event? Because if there weren’t, I’d be telling the guy to watch who he throws epithets around in front of and mentally categorising him in the “Dickhead” file, but that’d be about it.
I see two issues, the first one being your co-worker tossing the word around in a non-work context with a bunch of people who are choosing to spend time with him after work and the other the son bringing it into your work place. The first one, you have a choice on whether you want to spend time with this person outside of work hours, so if it bothers you and your other co-workers, don’t hang out with him! The next one is irritating. You don’t have a say in how he teaches his son… in their own home, but you said that he was visiting at work when he used the word?! Why didn’t someone tell that young man that language is inappropriate for a work environment!!! Tell him to clean up his language or stop visiting his father if he can’t.
To be clear these are not really “let’s go hang with N-bombing co-worker cause we’re such buds” get togethers. These are informal company outings or activities where it would be bad form not to attend if you could. While some people in the office socialize together on occasion at community events etc. we mostly have our own sets of friends outside work. While these “friend sets” can, and do, overlap considerably in a small community, the n-bomber probably has the most distinctly separate group of friends, mostly politically like minded conservative Christians.