I recently changed rotations at work. (I am a nurse working in geriatrics with extremely difficult patients)I used to work strictly day shifts, and over the course of 4 weeks I worked with every staff member, and different staffing “groups.” “Groups” are three people who work EVERY shift together, days and nights, 12 hour shifts. The other people working with them are either steady days, steady evenings, or casuals. I am now in a group. For the most part, that is fine, my two group members are good nurses, and I enjoy the work, and the commeraderie we share.
On the other hand, one co worker, I will call Nancy tends to have one topic of conversation at a time. In Doper lingo, its usually, although not always RO. (Recreational Outrage). Sometimes its more relevant than others (rumours we are being laid off in 3 months… not true but she gets bent about conspiracies) That one ran for about 5 or 6 shifts until it channelled into other topics. (Other facilities like ours in other cities, and basically job hunting) Other times it is less relevant. “The weather sucks” Or “you can’t get as good Chinese food here as you can in Toronto” Everyone has their pet topics, I get it. But Nancy doesn’t let it stop. And it’s always negative. Bitch and whine, bitch and whine. When Kate, my other group memeber and I try to change subjects she talks right over us, or changes back in a hurry to her topic. We leave, go do our work, interact with patients. We come back to the nursing station, she is still on the topic. Sometimes she is on line researching her topic.
Last night it was about school uniforms. It had her in a knot. I sympathized, but to me it was at most a five minute topic. No, it ended up with her making me read articles on line about the topic. (From the Toronto SUN of all things. :rolleyes:)
On the plus side, I stocked all the cups in the servery, did extra little things like matching patient socks, and did a lot of chores that took me out of the nursing station. Still does anyone else have suggestions on how to deal with a co worker like this?
You might try really listening intently for a while. Then make a summarizing statement. “We’ve talked about x, y, z Chinese restaurants in NY. We’ve talked about a,b,c Chinese restaurants in Toronto. Wow! We’ve been talking about Chinese restaurants for 3 hours! Do you have a few minutes to talk about our grandchildren (or sports, or Idol, or Italian restaurants :)) if we have any more free time for the rest of the shift?” Speak slowly and clearly and leave a pause for her to acknowledge what you said.
I’ve had some luck with a similar approach with long-winded customers on the phone. Sometimes you can’t win, though.
My co worker’s grand daughter’s School Uniform ATE my night shift! There, I bet no one else can say that.
I might try **Harriet[’/B]s approach. But then some night Kate would probably have to listen to Nancy drone on and on about how snippy I’ve become lately. Basically I don’t want to be rude or negative because I have to work with her. Every shift; for twelve hours at a time. (I shake my head and sigh a lot. At least she’s a good nurse. I could have it a LOT worse, but Friday is coming and we always order Chinese food on Friday…)
My son has a cure for that behavior, he tells me “I’m tired of always hearing negative things, isn’t there anything positive you can talk about?”
And I’m not a negative person, don’t go around feeling bad or begrudged, but he’s right that I do want to talk about the daily news with someone, and it’s fires and murders and political scandals. So I find myself holding my tongue until I have some “bright” news to lead in with.
Maybe your co-worker would react the same way.
You and Kate have to be good team mates. Express your concerns to Nancy:
“Is there something going on in your life you need to talk about Nancy?”
“I only ask because you seem so angry of late. Whenever we are talking it seems to be about a subject that upsets or annoys you. Have you noticed that you are doing that?”
“Do you think that it is ‘normal’ to not ever talk about fun things?”
“What things in your life are you happy about at the moment?”
Don’t do all this at one fell swoop but you get the idea. She isn’t after solutions for her complaints so won’t stop them until she is self-conscious about them and realizes that they aren’t making her look good. Once the seed is planted a knowing look between you and Kate and any gentle little interlude, “Sorry, I should have dropped this, I didn’t realize how angry it was making you,” should do the job.
Be over-positive, yourself. When she changes the subject to police brutality, you change it right back to how cute the baby duck on the internet is. When she changes the subject to how bad modern music is, you change it to how good it felt to be in the sun today. When she complains that the good weather wont last, change the subject to an anecdote about how you won money playing poker with your buddies, or how great the new Microsoft operating system is gonna be. Basically, when she takes over the conversation, you take it right back!
Thanks for the useful, (and humourous non-useful) feedback. Planning on trying several tomorrow night. Because the Chinese food in Thunder Bay is not as good as in Toronto. Its not as good as in Vancouver either, but I pretty much leave my comments to "Thats what I love about Vacations… visiting all the cool places to eat, an international taste sensation. So are we going for Chopsticks, or Eddy Lee’s?
My point exactly. She had me basically trapped in a corner, and while I was trying to walk away she blocked my exit and said… “Here read this… and this! and these comments!”
I pleaded the urgent need to pee and walked away after 90 seconds. Refrained from using the corner workstation for the rest of the night.
I hear you, in my building it’s people constantly gossiping about other tenants. It’s so negative and horribly boring. I’m going to try sparking an interest in conversation about books and authors or movies and actors or new discoveries in science. Maybe some of these suggestions that have been posted will work.
You do realize you could have just killed her and claimed self-defense. No jury in the land would convict someone who had been forced to read the Sun. I think it’s in the law books under “justifiable homicide.”
The article was bad enough, it was reading comments that put it over the top. I mean, I had to read what people who *think *the Sun is a newspaper think about school uniforms! (And a comment about Frank Zappa’s song Catholic Girls, which lead to googling and more RO)
As for killing her right then and there, then we would be one nurse short for the shift… might have been happier, and I wouldn’t have got my supper break. For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose…
You’ll have to flat out say “I don’t like negative things.” And even that won’t really help.
I don’t understand though, is she accosting you at breaktime? The rest of the time, can’t you just say you have work to do? At breaktime, bring a book and bury your nose into it. Every single day. Bring crosswords, or search-a-words, anything so you can tune her out and just go “Mmm-hmm”, when she goes off on her rants.
I have a one-topic coworker too. her topic is politics. She hijacks discussions of TV shows into political discussions. The most egregious example was when we were talking about 24 and Jack Bauer, and I mentioned it sounded kind of cool, she said, “Well, that’s just like Dubya!” (this is back when he was president) “He thinks the real world works just like 24!” I was nonplussed to say the least.
You can’t do much with these people, just work harder to stay away.
You know what? I just realized there’s a good chance I am one of those people. I can’t remember a positive thing I’ve said to my co-workers in quite awhile.
It’s kind of humbling to suddenly realize you’re an asshole.
