I apologize to squeamish posters who think this subject is “taboo” and not worth discussing, but I do not share their views.
While masturbation was once frowned upon and considered to cause a variety of illnesses, it is now generally considered healthy. However, my experience in life as a 34-year-old virgin and avid masturbator has led me to question whether there is some risk to the human thought process – specifically, in sourcing intense pleasure from an act in which the gratifying imagery is all fake. Could there be, for example, a decreased ability to pay attention toward real objects, a greater susceptibility to believing lies, or, in mentally vulnerable patients, an increased tendency toward hallucinations?
In my case, while I generally feel quite healthy after I masturbate, I must every now and then endure some kind of agony about other people’s relationships that is not easy for me to get rid of. Generally it’s seeing them hold hands or kiss in public and knowing that I have never been the recipient of such affection. No amount of focused thinking, reflection, or meditation has aided me in alleviating the insulting nuisance of these useless, woeful feelings. So I occasionally grow concerned that after all my luscious orgasms achieved through masturbation, my brain must then come to a realization that it was all “fake” – and that it must precipitate some kind of withdrawal period, like coming down off a drug. (I have only ever managed to quit once in my life, and though I have considered doing a self-study, I fear the possibility of decreased health or libidinous function if I quit again.)
Thus, the question arises: does masturbatory fantasy, practiced in the total absence of sex, have a neurological effect upon human cognition? Have any studies been done to enlighten us on the issue?
I feel the same way after watching Star Wars and bitterly realizing that I’ll never get to be a real Jedi with a lightsaber. But fantasy is fun, so I keep watching it occasionally. Stop worrying.
If what’s really bothering you is the no relationship experience, address it. Get out more, meet more people, identify personality traits you may need to modify. But so long as your fantasy life doesn’t actually cause confusion with reality, keep on jackin’ it.
“I’m flattered, really. I know you’re going to meet someone special, and they’ll be really lucky to find you because you’re a great catch. I just value our friendship too much.”
It is vaguely possible that it is desensitizing. Over time, stronger and stronger stimuli might become necessary for arousal. Where once simple toplessness sufficed, now double-pen futa scenarios barely do the job.
But the same is true of, say, horror movies. And spicy chili.
Short version: Like sugar or dopaminergic/depressant psychoactives, a prolonged habit of getting too much satisfaction in highly concentrated form changes your brain’s neuronal networks in ways which decrease your overall wellbeing.
As for the OP, to study this we’d need a group of people who masturbate and have never had sex (nearly every boy above 13 and under 18) and a control group who have not. I suspect the control group will have more of a belief in God than the other group, on the average. That means I’m not convinced that masturbation leads to harmless fantasy. And I’m not aware that the average 15 year old suffers from hallucinations.
Get thee to a dating site. The “problem” will vanish as soon as you meet someone.
What Psychology Today has to say on this matter: various kinks are described under the blanket term “paraphilia”; the article suggests that excessive fantasizing (in order to complete masturbation sessions) may lead to dominant paraphilias becoming hard-wired into one’s brain, thus interfering with the ability to handle real-life sexual encounters. My thought is that it depends on the person, and that a scholarly article that uses “hard-wired” in this way should be received with an oven mitt of skepticism.
I started masturbating at age 12 or so, and was otherwise a virgin until age 21. At that time I had no problem transferring my affections from fantasies to actual people. Even so, I still masturbated sometimes even when I was having sex on a fairly regular basis. The two methods are different enough, for me, that they don’t interfere with each other, except for the obvious need to have time to recover physically in between.
Your feelings about watching other people have relationships are quite understandable, there is certainly a lot of pleasure in that sort of interpersonal intimacy that goes far beyond sexual pleasure. You don’t say why you are a virgin at age 34; you don’t even say whether you are male or female. In any case, I strongly suspect that you will forget all about your fantasies for a while on your first sexual encounter.
This is all assuming that your post is genuine and honest; there are things in it that make me doubt. If it was not genuine or sincere, I suppose you are welcome to whatever jollies you might get from my personal revelations. It seemed a serious enough topic to warrant a serious answer, no matter your intentions.
Basically everyone masturbates and fantasizes (and previous attempts to stigmatize it likely had only a negligible effect), so whatever ill effects it would have, we’d all have it.
Having said that, as someone who was something of a late starter to relationships myself, there may be something to bear in mind:
One of the stereotypes of “X-year old virgin” is that when such people finally start having sexual relationships, they’re super-aroused. Climaxing in seconds then doing cartwheels around the bedroom.
But that wasn’t my experience at all. You may find that you’ve built up a pattern of what gets you off, and have difficulty getting that fix from another person, at least at first. If this is the case for you, just be patient: your brain just needs to recalibrate it’s horny trigger.